A bit sad, when I look on Facebook everybody has so much to do, they are all so social, while I'm a hermit in the house, I don't have many people to hang out, I feel terrible.... Why don't i have many ppl to hang out with ? I want to be more social... but how ?
^something about all those bright red bull-eye colors everywhere that place creeps me out too. I cannot imagine working somewhere like that.
I can’t connect with people. I can’t bridge the gap. I know the person I’d like to become. He’s friendly and caring and always has time for people. But whenever I get close to people they begin to ask things of me. Things that I’m usually unwilling to do. I’m unwilling because I love my art more than social events. I’m unwilling because the event is meant to be fun, but I rarely find it so. Why should I have to wrestle with my fears at an event where everybody else is having a great time. If fun is the purpose, I will have more fun if I’m left alone.
I’m recoiling further back into myself. Other people are like a distant muffle.
I'm feeling self conscious at the moment. I'm wearing lounging clothes at home, but I feel embarassed because I look bad in them. Some of my clothes have patched up holes. I only wear them at home to lounge around, never outside of course, but the critical side of me is saying I'm stupid, I look ugly, etc. I don't want to change into my nicer clothes because they're for public occasions - I don't want to ruin them while exercising, cooking, doing house cleaning, etc.
I hope to develop the confidence of the woman in this story:
Looks Get in the Way by D. M. Larson a free romantic comedy script from freedrama.net