Lou-s-Darkness
Well-known member
Kind of empty..neutral, I guess. Better than most days. Let's not jinx it *fingers crossed*..
How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Nae idea! :idontknow: Frustrated, ah guess. It's hard tryin' tae see the positive side of havin' a physical disability. Well, speakin' for maself, at least... Am no sayin' that no a positive side.
neardeath
Well-known member
my son is here for the weekend, and I am even uncomfortable hosting my own kid! I feel like such a loser. We have no real conflicts, but I ran out of things to say and didn't know what to do after the first hour! This disease is making life impossible. People must think I don't even love them, the way I act. I can't help it. I just want to be alone.
Opaline
1
MikeyC
Well-known member
Just feeling completely and utterly ignored and unloved, which breaks down my self-esteem and confidence, which aren't high to begin with. It's happening a lot and there's got to be some kind of personality flaw that makes this occur over and over again.Oh noWhat's wrong?
Thanks, Phoenixx. Someone mentioned it's like a pendulum, swinging one way to the other, and I absolutely believe that.
Call her out on that if you're comfortable. Don't settle for second.
anomicdeer
Well-known member
This is what I'm going through right now. Except my son can't be on his old yet. He's only 1
Phoenixx
Well-known member
^ I'm so sorry to hear this Mikey. You are anything but ignored or unloved here, seriously. Don't blame yourself to be the cause of what's been going on, and certainly don't be guilty for how you feel. It's a terrible feeling for sure, but you can't help it.
^ Oh that's a good analogy. That is exactly what it feels like.
^ Okay so right before my friend (we'll call her A) came over my other friend (we'll call her R) stopped by before she had to go to work. (this was unexpected) I got to talking to R about this, because I really just wanted to talk and I didn't know what to do. R said she's been having the same trouble with A, feeling ignored and getting a little annoyed with her actions lately, but otherwise hasn't been trying to let it get to her. (She's incredibly patient, calm, and understanding, whereas I usually tend to have a quick temper and be very brash and straightforward, yet sometimes also passive aggressive.) She told me we could talk to her together, so that's what we did once A came over. It was just the three of us hanging out, and I got to talking to A about how I wish she'd try not to worry about everyone else so often and talk to us a little bit more. She instantly got defensive/snobbish and stated how she "only worries about herself and doesn't care about anyone else." I instantly called her out on it, saying that if she truly didn't care then she wouldn't have reschedule our day 4 other times to be with other people. It ended up just being an awkward conversation lead to her ignoring it and changing the subject. I've been noticing she's gotten her extroversion and social abilities under control very well, and has quite the talent to just bend people and truly carry and take over conversation. (The power of communication and words I will never understand, yet will always somewhat envy.) I wasn't going to argue with her any further so I left it at that.
I ended up going to the movies with her and another guy twice my age. He's not a bad person, met him before, he's actually pretty cool. I really just didn't look forward to going because a) we were seeing Star Trek, which really isn't my thing (But it wasn't terrible. And the dude was nice enough to pay for my ticket!), b) I wanted to spend the day with just her, and c) this day was technically planned two months ago. I wouldn't have been so irritated about all of this if it wasn't a special day originally set up by R just for my birthday last month. The original plan, right before my birthday, was for her, R, and I to go out together and just have fun. A ditched the plan to do something else that weekend, so she rescheduled. Then continued to reschedule 3 other times to revolve around her boyfriend, family, and other friends. Oh, and then she mentioned to me today that she completely forgot this was my "birthday" day, hence why she made the plans with the other guy. And this is the last weekend in a long time I'll be able to see her again.
Yeah, I'm just so so so so so so tired of it anymore. I understand she's busy, but I DO NOT like to be told how much I mean to someone if they just further cast me aside and try to revolve me around everyone else in their life and expect me to be cool about it. I don't mean that in a selfish way, by any means. I do agree I should go out with people more, but at the same time, all I ask is to have some occasional one on one time with friends because that's what I'm most comfortable with. Why doesn't anyone ever understand that? I've really had enough of this. Instead of just cutting ties completely though, I think she's just going to remain in a gray area for me for a very long time. I won't hang out with her for a while, I already don't, so why should I make plans especially for her next time if she couldn't stick to it for me? I'll be willing to talk when she wants, and if she ever stops for a surprise visit, then I'll welcome it, but I don't want her to expect much else for a while.
I'm so tired of losing friends. It's not like I don't try to hang on when I finally get them, because I do. I'm in no way clingy, I like my space, but I do try to keep in touch and hang out with people once in a while. It really makes me wonder deep down if I'm just not good enough to be anyone's friend anymore. :sad:
DeadmanWalking
Well-known member
You are good enough to be someone's friend by virtue of being you
. If someone is mistreating you, then you shouldn't have to put up with it. Let A know exactly how you feel and that, if she keeps it up, then you won't be her friend anymore.You're a good person who deserves good friends and to be treated right:thumbup:.
MikeyC
Well-known member
A is using you for her own needs. She doesn't truly care about you. Cut ties with her, and you'll also cut ties with the heartache she gives you.
Phoenixx
Well-known member
^ Thank you for the kind words, Deadman. I'm usually really good now about not putting up with crap from "friends," after going through it so many times in the past. But this one was pretty hard because we were so close for so long, you know? Maybe it is time for me to just cut all ties, which brings me to Mikey's comment....You are good enough to be someone's friend by virtue of being you
You're a good person who deserves good friends and to be treated right:thumbup:.
^ Yeah, it's finally come to this and it makes me really sad. :sad: She's been changing for a little while now, but yesterday really through me for a loop. Her attitude completely baffled me, as she's never truly acted that way before, and if that is really the person she is becoming, then I want nothing to do with it.
It really hurts. We were so close for so long, and even though we were polar opposites we did get along really well, in a sisterly way. I hate it when people change for the worst. It seems like that's almost always the case with people that go in and out of my life. And if that's just going to keep occurring, then why should I bother with anyone else anymore? Why is it so hard to find decent people to make friends and actually keep them? There must be some part of me that no one likes that doesn't make anyone stick around. :crying:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
When is this constantly f**kin', overwhelmin' pressure gonnae end? Aaarghh! :kickingmyself: Just once ah would like tae say "No" without being made tae feel like more of a dissappointment than ah already am. :sad: F**k! Ah'd like tae, at least feel, in control for once.
Why dae ah constantly feel like ah need to apologise for being introverted? Whatthef**k is there tae be sorry aboot, anyway? Ah know, am the odd one out in ma family, am well aware of that, for obvious reasons. Ah wish the phrase "You should..." would stop being used tae f**kin' dictate what ah do with ma life. Afterall, it's my life. Ah don't feel the need tae be constantly tellin' other folk what they should be doing wi' their lives, family or otherwise.
All ah want tae do with ma life is be happy, but then don't we all? Why do oldest siblings, more often than not, think because of their age, they know what's best or can dictate what their other siblings should be doing with their lives? :idontknow: The thought o' cuttin' contact wi' certain family members isnae easy.
Sorry, chronic depression gettin' me doon at the moment. Tryin' tae pull masel' outta it!
Why dae ah constantly feel like ah need to apologise for being introverted? Whatthef**k is there tae be sorry aboot, anyway? Ah know, am the odd one out in ma family, am well aware of that, for obvious reasons. Ah wish the phrase "You should..." would stop being used tae f**kin' dictate what ah do with ma life. Afterall, it's my life. Ah don't feel the need tae be constantly tellin' other folk what they should be doing wi' their lives, family or otherwise.
All ah want tae do with ma life is be happy, but then don't we all? Why do oldest siblings, more often than not, think because of their age, they know what's best or can dictate what their other siblings should be doing with their lives? :idontknow: The thought o' cuttin' contact wi' certain family members isnae easy.
Sorry, chronic depression gettin' me doon at the moment. Tryin' tae pull masel' outta it!
Today I cried. I opened up to my dad, told him I had people phobia, and expecting him to understand, putting myself out there, but didn't get the response I was hoping for. Instead, he ended up making me feel guilty like it was all my fault and that whatever happened in the past was also my fault as well. So, all the bullyings and harassments that I endured in the past was my fault? That's what he seemed to imply. He said it was my choice for going to those cities where I experienced bullying, and that it's all about choice.
My mom puts me and my brother down for our social phobia, so I was hoping that at least my dad would understand because he's the nicer and more rational parent. But I guess not. During the heated conversation I had with my dad, my face grew red hot and I rushed to the bathroom to cry. Now I know better not to tell him about such things.
My mom puts me and my brother down for our social phobia, so I was hoping that at least my dad would understand because he's the nicer and more rational parent. But I guess not. During the heated conversation I had with my dad, my face grew red hot and I rushed to the bathroom to cry. Now I know better not to tell him about such things.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Sorry to hear about this. You should do what feels right for you. Hang in there, you can pull through this!
Sorry tae hear that, jaim. :sad: *Hugs*
Thanks!
MikeyC
Well-known member
Making friends is easier than keeping them. Don't forget that the two of you have been friends for a long time; over that period of time, personalities can change, especially once you find out who you are. Maybe the two of you have simply drifted apart for no legible reason other than growing up and becoming more independent.
A friend of mine from primary school and I still keep in touch, but it's not much these days. We still like each other, and I don't mind catching up every now and again, but overall we are now two different people and it's just how it is. We are not the same people today at the age of 27 than we were when we were 10. Life gets in the way. It's nothing personal.
It doesn't mean you have to put up with A's hostility. Cut her out. There are better people out there that will treat you right, even if you don't see it right now.
That was not a good reveal. I'm sorry it came to that. I will say that perhaps your dad doesn't understand what social anxiety really is.
He still wasn't very tactful. Hopefully in time he will see the error of his compassion.
Lea
Banned
It´s fu*ked. I was about to travel to Germany to an interview with an employer, and needed to get to one town in the west of my country to travel with other people in a car from there. I was waiting for a bus from where I live to get me further to catch a train, but IT DIDN´T ARRIVE at all, although I was there about 10 minutes sooner, and waited about 20 more minutes. I didn´t know what to do, so I called my father. He told me to hitchhike, I said I didn´t know where and nobody is going to pick me up, I don´t even know the proper direction. So he took me to the nearest big crossroad in a car, but couldn´t take me to the town itself because he was drinking at night. I was standing there for about half an hour, until it was too late and I wouldn´t catch the train anymore. I also tried to call one of those people whom I was supposed to go with, but he was sleeping. I wanted to ask him if the lady who is driving would mind to postpone it so that I would catch a train after 6 am in our town. But what can I do if he was sleeping. And now I am at home and is too late.
I am angry at the ****ing bus, why didn´t it come?? And as I googled it, there is no compensation for buses if they are not long distance. So they basically can do whatever they please and laugh at the customers. I suppose he didn´t bother to drive into here as he is supposed to, here is an official bus stop but probably rarely any people, it´s a tiny bit off the main road but probably not worth it.
I don´t know what to do, I am apparently not destined to get any work in this life anymore.
I am angry at the ****ing bus, why didn´t it come?? And as I googled it, there is no compensation for buses if they are not long distance. So they basically can do whatever they please and laugh at the customers. I suppose he didn´t bother to drive into here as he is supposed to, here is an official bus stop but probably rarely any people, it´s a tiny bit off the main road but probably not worth it.
I don´t know what to do, I am apparently not destined to get any work in this life anymore.
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Opaline
1
I feel pretty bad. I feel like I'm trapped inside my mind and it's the panicky feeling of being in a nightmare but unable to wake up. The nightmare is your reality while it lasts. Or maybe the nightmare is reality...
But you know what? I'm still happy I have the freedom to do what I want, to a certain extent. Yes there are laws and rules and regulations, but no one is telling me what I have to eat for breakfast. No one is telling me what clothes I can and can't wear (except at work). I have the freedom to walk outside and sit in the grass, there is sunshine (though not as often as I'd like, living in New England). My cat is freaking adorable and amazing (yes, amazing) and soooooo soft. Most of the people I know fairly well are good human beings that I can talk to and share life with and that makes it so much better (although I wish I had more, but I'm sure those will come in time). My blankets are so soft and warm and chocolate is fantastic (but so are green beans) and I can listen to any music in the world while alternating between Submachine (you should seriously try it) and talking to friends while eating tiramisu (I wish I had some right now) and glancing at the episode of Adventure Time on the television screen but I'm really thinking about how comfortable my running shoes are (although I would like to gradually switch to "barefoot" running with a minimalist shoe like Vibram) and whether or not I should get a coffee tomorrow because I actually like coffee now but I don't want to get addicted to the caffeine. I can also write extra-long run-on sentences with only the fear of a scolding from the Grammar Nazis of the world
So yeah, even in spite of the anxiety and resulting feelings of depression, there are things to be happy about. Lots of them. More than I listed. And reading dystopian literature sure helps to appreciate these things all the more
But you know what? I'm still happy I have the freedom to do what I want, to a certain extent. Yes there are laws and rules and regulations, but no one is telling me what I have to eat for breakfast. No one is telling me what clothes I can and can't wear (except at work). I have the freedom to walk outside and sit in the grass, there is sunshine (though not as often as I'd like, living in New England). My cat is freaking adorable and amazing (yes, amazing) and soooooo soft. Most of the people I know fairly well are good human beings that I can talk to and share life with and that makes it so much better (although I wish I had more, but I'm sure those will come in time). My blankets are so soft and warm and chocolate is fantastic (but so are green beans) and I can listen to any music in the world while alternating between Submachine (you should seriously try it) and talking to friends while eating tiramisu (I wish I had some right now) and glancing at the episode of Adventure Time on the television screen but I'm really thinking about how comfortable my running shoes are (although I would like to gradually switch to "barefoot" running with a minimalist shoe like Vibram) and whether or not I should get a coffee tomorrow because I actually like coffee now but I don't want to get addicted to the caffeine. I can also write extra-long run-on sentences with only the fear of a scolding from the Grammar Nazis of the world
So yeah, even in spite of the anxiety and resulting feelings of depression, there are things to be happy about. Lots of them. More than I listed. And reading dystopian literature sure helps to appreciate these things all the more
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