GraybeardGhost
Well-known member
Old and irrelevant. No one needs me anymore.
How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
:sad: Aw! Sorry tae hear that, Graybeard.
Why must ah be f**kin' guilt-tripped intae doing stuff aw the time? :kickingmyself:
This morningish, ok this afternoon when I woke up, I felt good and like I would be productive and get stuff done.
30 minutes later and I feel like ****. Well maybe not that bad. I woke up feeling like an 8, now I feel at about a 4. It just took 1 comment from someone to irritate me. And now I'm feeling sleepy. Goddamn these lady hormones.
Oh, and I ruined my tea by putting in too much sugar ='(
30 minutes later and I feel like ****. Well maybe not that bad. I woke up feeling like an 8, now I feel at about a 4. It just took 1 comment from someone to irritate me. And now I'm feeling sleepy. Goddamn these lady hormones.
Oh, and I ruined my tea by putting in too much sugar ='(
MikeyC
Well-known member
I haven't posted here in nearly a week. I've been battling some really ferocious depression (long story) and decided a break from the Internet was needed, so that's what I did. I'm still not over it, but I'm better today than I have been for the past eight days.
I hope everyone else has been doing well.
I hope everyone else has been doing well.
Kiwong
Well-known member
Good to hear you're improving. Hope it continues MikeyC.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Cheers, Kiwong.
Falkor
1
I am at the moment a little tired, because I am practicing songs, next week I'll be going to Paris, working with a producer.... Going to a whole different country. I practiced each song for like many times now, wow that takes energy *whoosh* but I'm going back to it now.... Won't stop until it's bed time
For the rest: I'm afraid of who i am.. I'm not strong enough for something...I can't handle it. But I will accept everything that comes, I will just not walk away from it, i will just see what happens...Whatever their decision is...I will be in huge pain, but I know it's destiny.
For the rest: I'm afraid of who i am.. I'm not strong enough for something...I can't handle it. But I will accept everything that comes, I will just not walk away from it, i will just see what happens...Whatever their decision is...I will be in huge pain, but I know it's destiny.
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Phoenixx
Well-known member
^ Woah, awesome! Happy for you! Good luck with everything! :thumbup:
I'm feeling exhausted today. The past three days were nothing but a heat wave (It was 90 degrees each day. Terrible!) and it took a lot out of me, as I'm really heat sensitive. I also didn't get a lot of sleep last night and I had to wake up early to get to my weekly nutrition appointment on time, which is an hour trip to and back. I'm due for a nap.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Whoa! That's awesome.
Good luck with that, Falkor, darlin'. :thumbup:Aye, ah can relate there, Falkor. In terms of being afraid of who I am. :idontknow: Anyway, ah hope things go well for ya, sweetie.
ithinkjesusisco
Member
I feel strange. I feel avoidant! I feel like I should get help but that I'm afraid of talking about my issues! Oh dear...
theslowesthand
Banned
What bout yer older sister? Doesn't she regularly poke fun at your looks/accent/..? Or was that just in the past?
Maybe she was meaning specifically just the adult men & having relationships with them? So maybe she meant it in that, but not concerning you, as you would have been her "boy". Sometimes or often "blanket" statements have exceptions (eg 'i hate birthday parties' with the un-mentioned exceptions of 'exept my own, or small family members ones'). Also sometimes when people are upset or agitated, they can say things that they feel very strongly at the time, but which are not really true - as they are just temporary subjective utterances, not objective, thought-out, accurate/factual statements of their beliefs/opinions.
And of course she wouldnt want to accept any responsibility for any long-term harm she has caused you (which intruth all parents have done to their children, whether aware of it or not). As that would make her feel guilty, sad, remorseful, regretful, etc - painful feelings to have generally. Also there's the ego, which hates taking the blame/rap for anything at all .. and blame leads to guilt/etc. It's just a human thing to want to avoid all discomfort possible, physical, mental, & esp emotional. Perhaps also she may have some "triggers" in her that simply cannot handle taking the blame for anything, or feeling guilty; as these things she might fear may set off an "avalance" of her own repressed, long-standing issues (which she hasnt to date resolved); so she avoids such stuff "like the plaque", or is a "fate worse than death". I think most people have these "dreaded/terrifying" stuff that they must never ever ever broach. Again, it's just another of the many "delightfully corrupt/decrepid" aspects about modern-day humans, lol.
Well its blatantly clear she in no way wants to have any discussions whatsoever about such things, as it terrifies her, so she keep evading at every turn. You cannot change that; only she is able to.
2 quotes: "the only person you can change is yourself" but also "you aere the only person who can make you do anything".
And also, generally women are more emotional, while men are less emotional & more logical. So to you it might be simply the desire to have a "logical, cool, non-emotional discussion" about these things in your past ... but to her it might start as such, but then she would very likely jump from that right into "emotional & full fight/flight mode". That's why with women especially, males have to be very careful not to "trigger" that frame of mind or mood, in females (very generally speaking of course - not wanting to offend any females out there, or emotional males who feel left out of the equation).
And as long as she doesnt want to acknowledge these things (choosing to remain in denial), then absolutely no headway can be made with such discussions. However that doesnt stop you from analysing, reading up about, talking to others (eg therapist) about such stuff. Perhaps you could eventually uncover (by way of these other methods) all the truths that yur mother is refusing to openly admit/discuss?? (ie there is more than one way to tackle these problems/issues)
And about "gave up a long time ago", as i said above, it is most likely just a loose subjective-emotional expression she has used in a time of heated mood. Some grain of truth may be that she often feels despairing/hopeless about some certain things about you, which in her mind are unacceptable or "left wanting". In "God's" eyes, ALL is acceptable under the sun, no matter who or what. She hasn't got God's level of unconditional acceptance (i strongly doubt ANY mother has), and so she falls shorts of the unconditional acceptance of you, her son. And maybe even she feels bad about that too, as that's like a failure on her part as a mother one could say. But in general i would say such things are more just general venting of her frustrations as a mother, involving both your & her parts, which all mothers have to a certain degree ... so i would try not to blame yourself for all of this, but to just take responsibility for your true part & her true part & society's true part & life's true part in this situation you are in.
Therapy is just an option. There are other ways - reading books on such matters, browsing web forums for such threads, etc. Even with therapy (from experience) long standin' issues will remain as long standin' issues. And some issues are genetic, so you tend to be stuck with for life (eg your cerbral palsy). But you can find ways to "manage" your issues, so that you have regular healthy outlets for them, you think more rationally about them, do meditation & relaxation exercises so as to lower the activity in parts of the brain which are usually hightly-activated with such stuff. there are many, many possible treatments, medicines, remedies out there which could at least help, if not resolve many of your issues i'm sure. The "trick" is to narrow down all the options, and focus on just the few that are most beneficial .. which is what i'm kinda attempting to do at present.
Okay .. that's all my posting done for spw today, lol
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theslowesthand
Banned
Good for you!
But you know, and i said this before, just try also stay mindful your limits (stress-wise). Sure, push yourself, but not too much - know ehen it's time to stop, to unwind, relax, have some alone time. Overall you will achieve more, go furher, if you know when to "go" and when to "slow".
So yeah, sure, you need to do the work, but just make sure that you can relax yourself as often as possible during the day, so that you don't burn-out.
Stay on top of things Saskia! All the best for this endeavour/adventure!. :applause: :thumbup:
theslowesthand
Banned
Sometimes i wonder if the out-of-control, can't-think-clearly, fluctuating-motivation thinking, uses up all one's "thinking juice", causing the thinking to then be 'aaaaaaa duuhhhhh whaaaaaaat???'
(a very un-scientific description, but is best i can do right now)
Definately this is the last post for tonight i shall do, as i've skipped a day's sleep, lol, yaaaawn
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
It's more occasionally now, the takin' the piss outta ma looks is usually done at comedy gigs now, ironically. Ah know, but ah don't huv the balls to actually say her "joke" one-liners, which all start the same and compare me to Middle Eastern stereotypes, are more hurtful than funny.
Oh, and the accent... Well, that usually around other family members. The reason why ah don't really talk much when in their company anymair. Since, the way ah talk is hysterically funny! What ah mean by that is, it's not what ah say, but the way ah say it <---- If that makes senses (Scottish dialect and all)?
For example, my simple, straight-forward "Aye" in response to a Yes or No question is seemly funny tae them? Or ah sometimes, say "Hiya" instead of "Hello". Nae idea why that's funny? It just is, apparently... Naebody takes me seriously, anyway.
Aye, maybe? :idontknow: Since, outside of the usually escapism of TV & music, ah can rarely engage ma mum in conversation about anything else (how yer feelin' etc.)
Well its blatantly clear she in no way wants to have any discussions whatsoever about such things, as it terrifies her, so she keep evading at every turn. You cannot change that; only she is able to.
2 quotes: "the only person you can change is yourself" but also "you are the only person who can make you do anything".
And also, generally women are more emotional, while men are less emotional & more logical. So to you it might be simply the desire to have a "logical, cool, non-emotional discussion" about these things in your past ... but to her it might start as such, but then she would very likely jump from that right into "emotional & full fight/flight mode". That's why with women especially, males have to be very careful not to "trigger" that frame of mind or mood, in females (very generally speaking of course - not wanting to offend any females out there, or emotional males who feel left out of the equation).
And as long as she doesnt want to acknowledge these things (choosing to remain in denial), then absolutely no headway can be made with such discussions. However that doesnt stop you from analysing, reading up about, talking to others (eg therapist) about such stuff. Perhaps you could eventually uncover (by way of these other methods) all the truths that yur mother is refusing to openly admit/discuss?? (ie there is more than one way to tackle these problems/issues)[/QUOTE]
Maybe, it's just these issues tend to be quite difficult to discuss from a non-emotional standpoint.
That's true... Sorry for this ramblin', non-specific response.
this_portrait
Well-known member
Beyond nervous. Normally when I plan on meeting up with someone, I don't feel any anxiety in the pit of my stomach until at least an hour before the meet up happens. In this case, I've been feeling anxious since the plan was even established a few hours ago. :x My stomach feels like it would collapse out of my body if it weren't already held in place. I'm seriously considering an antihistamine before I leave my apartment tomorrow, just so I don't feel so nervous.
Phoenixx
Well-known member
^ Your happiness will come back eventually, trust me. I tend to fall into similar patterns too. Happy for a little while, then straight back into the depths of depression for what seems like forever. I know it's a horrible feeling to deal with for so long, but you'll bounce right back within time. Hang in there buddy. Sending hugs your way!
I'm actually feeling really terrible today. Angry, moody, and irritable. Part of it is due to the fact I didn't take the new supplement on time that my nutritionist gave me this week to help raise my blood pressure and keep it on track. Having low blood pressure sends me into wicked mood swings and a whole deal of confusion which just further frustrates me more. I just took it, so I'll probably feel a little better within the hour.
I was supposed to hang out with a friend today. I really wanted it to be just the two of us to hang out all day out somewhere because I never see her. I'm still hanging out with her, but she's not coming over for another hour AND she made plans to go to the movies with someone else and to tag me along. I already agreed to go, just because I wanted to hang out with her so bad because I never see her. But I'm just... so pissed with it anymore. All I feel like is a last resort, constantly. I don't know what to do. Keep the friendship for the sake of having a friend even though I never see her or talk to her, or just sever it altogether. I don't know. :crying::idontknow:
anomicdeer
Well-known member
Feeling that I'm really not the one he actually wants.