I went to the second funeral this year. I was really anxious when I had to go up in front of so many people and do stuff. I was shaking a bit when standing, so when we finally sit down, I was relieved. It was scary alright.
One of the things I planned to do was confront some of my cousins and ask them why they don't like me, but then I thought about the purpose of the funeral and just didn't do it. I wasn't sure if I should be discussing the topic of "why you don't like me" at someone else's funeral. So, I was wishy washy throughout, wanted to find the right time to do it but then couldn't. At one time, smoke from the incense was so intense that it made my eyes tear up. There was one time when my aunt asked me to ride with the cousins, but I declined the offer because I don't want to look like I'm getting a free ride from them. I already rode with them once and that didn't work out. Plus, there were like 5 people in the van, and if I get in, I would have to squeeze in or something.
All in all, I am glad I came to the funeral and was brave enough to walk in front of a whole group of people without fainting. But, one thing I regret is not approaching my cousins. Maybe next time, at a more appropriate time.