I was sitting down, texting a minute ago and I glanced up and saw myself in the mirror. It was random, I was not thinking about seeing my reflection but I did... I didn't look at all as anxious as I felt. It was weird. I think there is a lot of body dysmorphia involved: I feel anxious, so I must look anxious, which makes me feel even more anxious.
I was sitting down, texting a minute ago and I glanced up and saw myself in the mirror. It was random, I was not thinking about seeing my reflection but I did... I didn't look at all as anxious as I felt. It was weird. I think there is a lot of body dysmorphia involved: I feel anxious, so I must look anxious, which makes me feel even more anxious.
Amen to that. It definitely contributes to my SA as well.
I was sitting down, texting a minute ago and I glanced up and saw myself in the mirror. It was random, I was not thinking about seeing my reflection but I did... I didn't look at all as anxious as I felt. It was weird. I think there is a lot of body dysmorphia involved: I feel anxious, so I must look anxious, which makes me feel even more anxious.
I caught my reflexion in a window whilst I was visiting a large DIY store. I looked very very anxious.:sad:
Today I managed to control my anxiety even while around my "friend" who I've been nervous around lately. It was tiring and I felt like I was acting (I guess I was), but I did it.
Now I'm just really drained from all the tension and effort and I want a glass of wine and junk food and someone I feel comfortable talking to 🙁
“Often we don’t even realise who we are meant to be because we’re so busy trying to live out someone else’s ideas.” - Oprah Winfrey
Quotes like that are so true, but if only it were as easy as simply adopting it to your life and BAM, you've become your true self. It's one thing to realize the sadness of the situation or the dishonesty of it, but another altogether to be able to actually start ignoring a lot of what society wants and just following your own inner stirrings.
I was finally able to recognise my front door neighbour for the first time in many years. I'm sure it was because I've entered the building at the same time as her a couple of times this year, unlike all other years. This time I recognised her when she drove by me before parking. I still don't think I would be able to recognise her on the street though.
When I get to see the things I do, the sunsets, the flowers, I love this sweet earth, despite all the fear and complication, or perhaps even more so because of them.
I feel bad that I've missed out on so much because of anxiety. I could have gone on the optional class trip to a museum yesterday, but my professor makes me nervous. Which is funny but sad. I would have liked to go, and now it's too late. If only I could have a drink or two before going, hah... Then I'd be fine. Pfft. *sigh*
My head hurts. I've been looking at college courses all morning/afternoon so far trying to figure out what I want and need to take this semester. I need to take an oral communications course sometime before I graduate. Most of them are senior seminars, which involve 20+ page papers and class presentations. The thought alone makes me want to throw up. I'd like to try to avoid those kinds of classes as much as possible. :sad:
I'm also debating on whether I want to take a drawing class. I miss the feeling I used to get when I would draw. I miss the inspiration. I so badly want to find a way to light a fire under myself to get into art again because I know I'm good at it. The inspiration has been mostly gone for years now though, only ever coming back once in a great while. The last time I took an art class in college though -- digital art a couple years ago -- I nearly had a panic attack with every critique day, and every time I walked in the room I was anxious the entire time. So much that I couldn't really focus on my work, all I could focus on was the time and count how many minutes left of misery before I could leave. My anxiety hinders my creativity A LOT and I never could figure out why or a way past it. :idontknow: I kind of want to push myself again, but I also don't want to fall flat on my face and fail a class that's supposed to be simple and fun.
You increasingly remind me of Tom Sharpe. Have you ever tried writing a humorous chapter or two?
Gotta get myself some plans for Sunday morning. It's the time of the year where these people from the church go to every house so that people can kiss Jesus on a cross. It's disgusting, they barely clean it. My mum won't let me stay at home and ignore it so I have to be somewhere else.
You increasingly remind me of Tom Sharpe. Have you ever tried writing a humorous chapter or two?
^ I honestly have no idea who that is, I've never heard of him. I'll still take that as a compliment? I'm no writer though. I actually hate writing, haha.
I was searching for wallpapers on my phone under the tags 'lonely' and 'alone'. i am feeling a bit lonely i won't lie, but i think i searched for them since a great pic of an isolated beach, garden or home may come up, which i enjoy saving and looking at.
but then i noticed that an add for a cream for skin blemishes kept coming up.
i wonder if that site correlates any searches for loneliness with natural aging and skin blemishes? :omg:
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