How are you feeling?

Miserum

Well-known member
It's so fucking annoying how I can't relax around people.

Symptoms: sweating, stuttering, tight throat, tense muscles, unclear verbalizing of thoughts, losing track of thoughts, can't concentrate, extra seriousness or extra dumbness depending on the day. Multiply these by 1000 if there is anyone I find attractive within a five mile radius.

Some days, though, I'm perfect. It's like easy socializing forever hangs just on the edge of comprehension, like a word that's on the tip of my tongue, or an involved idea that I've grasped just after smoking too much weed and then forgetting immediately.

I'm currently living with a guy that's great at socializing. A very easygoing type who is bothered by nothing that the world has to offer.

Trying to learn from him--through observation--but not be him.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Pissed off. Naw, let me rephrase that: utterly fucking fed-up with the family drama I have to put up with on an almost daily basis. But I'm never allowed to say anything about it.

I have to listen to my mother and oldest sibling complain to me every time there's an argument. But, aside from a few exceptions, I'm rarely allowed to do the same. It's frustrating, to say the least... because to my ears, it's the same old story. And they wonder why I just let a defeated sigh every time after they get done complaining.
 

FountainandFairfax

the only prescription is more cowbell
I can relate!
It's depressing. This is the oldest I've ever been, I have nothing to compare it to, ha ha . But at least if you've gotten out and lived, even if life has kicked your butt and you've made all the wrong decisions, you can at least say you tried... you have something to show for it, if nothing else. I'm getting old just like them, but when I look back over my life, it's just a long, blank page. Anyway, I know I've been spared a lot of things, but the one thing I appreciate now that I didn't when I was younger, is just how much you learn and grow from negative experiences.
 

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
I miss having friends to talk to. I mean I have friends and other people I can talk to and hangout with which I'm grateful for, but I miss having brutally honest conversation.

People would sometimes say internet friends aren't "real" friends because you're missing nuances that face-to-face interactions have. While I agree some things are lost, I think other things are gained. I'd never felt more connected with people than I had through forums and chatrooms online when I was able to honestly say who I was and what I was feeling, whether it was a deep and meaningful subject like like my laundry list of mental designations or something mundane like what food I like or that the vacuum cleaner I use is deceivingly heavy.

And this isn't a "well back in my day..." post as I think the internet is largely the same. No, SPW isn't, but there are other forums and apps and whatever that provides a similar platform that this place once did. This is a situation of missing something that is completely self-imposed. I feel like there's something blocking me from being open and honest about things, mundane or meaningful. I would say it's that there are things I want to keep to myself, but I have always had things I want to keep to myself.

I can't really pinpoint the exact problem. Maybe I dislike myself in a way I didn't before, holding me back from letting others see me for who I am. Or maybe I'm distancing myself for the benefit others, since I don't feel like I can be depended on now or in the future. Maybe it's simply that too much of what is going on inside me is connected to things I know are better kept to myself and would likely distance me from others more if I shared. I don't know.

I miss it not being this way though.
 

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
I miss having friends to talk to. I mean I have friends and other people I can talk to and hangout with which I'm grateful for, but I miss having brutally honest conversation.

People would sometimes say internet friends aren't "real" friends because you're missing nuances that face-to-face interactions have. While I agree some things are lost, I think other things are gained. I'd never felt more connected with people than I had through forums and chatrooms online when I was able to honestly say who I was and what I was feeling, whether it was a deep and meaningful subject like like my laundry list of mental designations or something mundane like what food I like or that the vacuum cleaner I use is deceivingly heavy.

And this isn't a "well back in my day..." post as I think the internet is largely the same. No, SPW isn't, but there are other forums and apps and whatever that provides a similar platform that this place once did. This is a situation of missing something that is completely self-imposed. I feel like there's something blocking me from being open and honest about things, mundane or meaningful. I would say it's that there are things I want to keep to myself, but I have always had things I want to keep to myself.

I can't really pinpoint the exact problem. Maybe I dislike myself in a way I didn't before, holding me back from letting others see me for who I am. Or maybe I'm distancing myself for the benefit others, since I don't feel like I can be depended on now or in the future. Maybe it's simply that too much of what is going on inside me is connected to things I know are better kept to myself and would likely distance me from others more if I shared. I don't know.

I miss it not being this way though.

I miss the old forums and chatrooms, nothing feels the same as those did to me. SPW is like a shadow of the old forums, hints of how it used to be but with only a few of us left here its not quite the same. I'd agree that part of the problem is I dont put myself out there like I used to, for a multitude of reasons. But there arent places with the same vibe that we used to have
 
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