How are you feeling?

Phoenixx

Well-known member
I haven't been feeling good lately. I mean aside from struggling with depression and anxiety, I've been having a lot of physical issues too. I started seeing a new dr, got bloodwork done which came back "normal." But I have a new working theory as to what is wrong, and it requires a specific blood test. I hope he'll listen to what I have to say tomorrow. I think he will, he seemed really nice when I saw him last week, but I always am wary.
 
Pretty f__kin’ depressed? I’ve somehow managed to lose the external hard drive that has all the music — both finished and unfinished — I’d wrote since 2017. :cry: And my oldest sister had a good laugh yesterday when I answered, “No yet”, to the question of whether our mother and middle child had an argument. Cuz, that’s funny, right? Dysfunctional families? The Simpsons, Married with Children and that... it’s funny when that how yer life is, innit? :mad::(
 
Fearful, dejected, angry, and upset.

The thing I feared the most, happened and I did nothing to change it in that moment. I'll be amazed if the cops aren't around soon - in a busy car park, with cars behind me, I tried to front park into a bay. I knew it would be tight, the angles weren't great. What did I do? Fucking persisted like a dumb fuck with cars behind me (because that's what I was focusing about) and scraped my car and another on my right. Panicking, I parked up and somehow parked in another bay. I had no clue what I was supposed to do. I left and went to my appointment, in a daze, then came home, and now I'm sat waiting for the inevitable to happen. Some payback for my actions ranging from inevitable embarrassment and criticism, to official punishment (if the car park was CCTV'd which I didn't see any signs to say) which would be worthy.

Fuck - why the fuck can't I do this thing that everyone does so effortlessly, like "riding a bike" they say
 
Fearful, dejected, angry, and upset.

The thing I feared the most, happened and I did nothing to change it in that moment. I'll be amazed if the cops aren't around soon - in a busy car park, with cars behind me, I tried to front park into a bay. I knew it would be tight, the angles weren't great. What did I do? Fucking persisted like a dumb fuck with cars behind me (because that's what I was focusing about) and scraped my car and another on my right. Panicking, I parked up and somehow parked in another bay. I had no clue what I was supposed to do. I left and went to my appointment, in a daze, then came home, and now I'm sat waiting for the inevitable to happen. Some payback for my actions ranging from inevitable embarrassment and criticism, to official punishment (if the car park was CCTV'd which I didn't see any signs to say) which would be worthy.

Fuck - why the fuck can't I do this thing that everyone does so effortlessly, like "riding a bike" they say
You'd be surprised how many cars are side swiped anonymously due to the perpetrator driving off. I was recently sitting in my running car in a parking garage, had a women back into it, and when I honked at her to stop she drove away as fast as she could (no damage was done fortunately).

So while you probably should have stopped and done something, I don't think you're some sort of incapable creature for not doing anything. I think it's something that most people don't face on a regular basis, and is commonly either addressed as you did, with anxiety and fear leading to flight, or with apathy (which I think is worse) with the person driving away without a second thought.

I'd google what to do in those situations so if it happens again you'll be prepared. I think knowing what to do makes most situations a lot less terrifying. I actually have a card in my card in which I wrote all insurance info I would need in the event of an accident, and a list of steps I would have to take. It doesn't guarantee I will act appropriately when that day comes, but I will at least have the tools to do so.
 
Just sick o’ life... hud enough. Cannae be daein wae it anymair — ah just cannae, like. :cry: Am fed up huvin tae listen tae tha same ol’ arguments n’ overhearing the same conversations wherein, every time ma name gets f__kin’ mentioned, it’s followed by: “...wus right” or “...he says that anaw”. :mad: Fed up being stuck in this routine day efter day. And whenever ah try and change it, am telt, “Naw, dinnae bother...there’s nae point” by my mother. Ah f__kin’ give up...
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety, and still not feeling 100%. I took a sick day yesterday because I haven't been feeling well, had to have my mother drive me to get the second half of my bloodwork done. The day before at work I was really struggling to complete tasks efficiently. My boss knows this, knows how sick I've been because I talked to her about it. This has been going on for weeks now and I'm struggling at home too. But it doesn't matter. She told me that "this doesn't mean that something's seriously wrong" when I told her my worries. It didn't stop her from reprimanding me (again) in front of a client two days ago either. Then yesterday while I was home resting she sent me an email wanting an update because she was "worried" about me. o_O:rolleyes:

I have never been so emotionally abused by a boss before. I have dealt with incompetent bosses not caring about the job, lax bosses not giving a shit about poor employees, manipulative coworkers, the works. But never have I ever dealt with a boss who has been as emotionally manipulative as she has and this is far worse than anything I've ever dealt with. I am so taken aback, angry, and hurt by her actions. And there is literally *nothing* I can do about it. She is the sole owner of the business, the boss, and is very close with the office manager. It's a small office with only 6 of us (including me). Everyone treats her like a queen and I refuse to bow. Fuck people like that. Everyday is another day closer before I put in my two weeks. I think I will prep a letter this weekend to turn in next week. I'm fucking done. :mad:(n)
 
Feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety, and still not feeling 100%. I took a sick day yesterday because I haven't been feeling well, had to have my mother drive me to get the second half of my bloodwork done. The day before at work I was really struggling to complete tasks efficiently. My boss knows this, knows how sick I've been because I talked to her about it. This has been going on for weeks now and I'm struggling at home too. But it doesn't matter. She told me that "this doesn't mean that something's seriously wrong" when I told her my worries. It didn't stop her from reprimanding me (again) in front of a client two days ago either. Then yesterday while I was home resting she sent me an email wanting an update because she was "worried" about me. o_O:rolleyes:

I have never been so emotionally abused by a boss before. I have dealt with incompetent bosses not caring about the job, lax bosses not giving a shit about poor employees, manipulative coworkers, the works. But never have I ever dealt with a boss who has been as emotionally manipulative as she has and this is far worse than anything I've ever dealt with. I am so taken aback, angry, and hurt by her actions. And there is literally *nothing* I can do about it. She is the sole owner of the business, the boss, and is very close with the office manager. It's a small office with only 6 of us (including me). Everyone treats her like a queen and I refuse to bow. Fuck people like that. Everyday is another day closer before I put in my two weeks. I think I will prep a letter this weekend to turn in next week. I'm fucking done. :mad:(n)
Plan your moves, then move on Phoenixx. Use it as a stepping stone. There's absolutely no point in staying in a job where you aren't happy.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Plan your moves, then move on Phoenixx. Use it as a stepping stone. There's absolutely no point in staying in a job where you aren't happy.
I'm already planning. I plan on typing a 2 week notice this weekend to turn in next week, using my health as the main reason because I just cannot handle it physically. I stand at a standing desk/podium all day on full days, taking notes within appointments and prepping the room for each one after. When I'm not in appointments, I'm standing at a counter (yes, a counter) with limited space, prepping files for the upcoming week. Or I'm putting together folders for new clients. That's pretty much it. I only get to sit on my break. I rarely got to sit at my last job too, but at least I was moving on my feet all the time. But whatever I have going on now physically is painful and extremely exhausting. I cannot stand or walk for that long anymore and I'm still trying to find out why. I haven't gotten all my bloodwork back yet, but I did get something and my dr is going to start prepping paperwork to refer me to a rheumatologist starting next week.

I also met up with someone yesterday, initially in response to a volunteer opportunity, but then it turned into talking about a job I applied for. This person works for the same non-profit in which I applied, just in a different dept. She said I sounded like a "strong candidate," so I'm hoping after our meeting yesterday she was going to reach back out to hiring staff and say some good things. *fingers crossed* I guess I'll see next week if I get called in for an interview or not. I probably should prep some work samples this weekend just in case. :unsure: My health be damned, I'm still chasing this new job.
 
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