How are you feeling?

SilentAndShy

Well-known member
As a kid, I use to have major temper tantrums and was quite "famous" within the family for my anger which erupted at the smallest of things.

As my teenager years developed, I think that changed. My anger eroded and I started to bottle things up. Even if I was mad, I would bottle it up and become angry internally thus changing to becoming uncommunicative and moody and distant. That's where I am now.

Sometimes I wish I would explode in a rage to do something but getting angry or letting it boil inside, both are as bad as each other.

Talking to resolve a situation with my wife just is not easy. I don't think there is anyone I could really turn to for help. So this moodiness continues until she does something I guess because I can't do anything to change the atmosphere.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Like shit. I'm finding myself actually regretting some life choices and wondering what to do or how to change. I feel so lost anymore and for someone who used to be so sure about everything, it just fucking sucks and it's scary and I hate it.

I cannot deal with this job anymore and it's only been a little less than 6 months. I feel like a slave that is just constantly making mistakes or is just not good enough. Have a 4 year degree for what?? To only make $13.50/hour??? This is fucking stupid and I don't know how to achieve better without having to go back to the hellhole that is public education and pay out the ass all over again.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I don't know how I'm feeling. Probably depressed, still. Probably? The past 4 years... almost certainly. Frustrated more than anything.

Huv'nae really been sleeping much. Staying awake til about 3 o'clock in the morning.

There's plenty I should be doing n' getting on with. Plenty to take muh mind off these depressing thoughts going on in ma heid; but ah just can't be arsed to be honest. I wish my family were a bit more reliable. I wish I could trust 'em more to help me when ask for their help. It's tough having to just rely upon myself aw the time. I've no really got anybuddy that ah cun turn to...

Ah don't really feel like ah git a break, really. I'm the one constantly trying to make sure stuff gets done. But that how my life's been for the most part. Constantly burden with responsibility - despite my own limitations - and made to feel like crap and justify everytime ah put myself first. :mad:

Sorry, just needed to rant. The lockdown restriction and being stuck indoors has made me realise the state o' my life, and how truly unhappy I am when I look at my life and take my sense o' humour and creativity out o' the equation. :(
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Drained. My job is sucking what little life I have out of me. Every day. I hate it. My mother thinks I should tough it out for a year before looking again. (Not too old for motherly advice -- thanks for listening to all my whining Mom. πŸ‘ ) I agree. I feel like I should too, just to help make up for the gap in my resume. (Not to mention job hunting completely sucks anyhow and I don't really want to go back into that.) It's just so hard when you have no one to talk to at work, no connections to be made. You try hanging your head down the whole time to get the job done, try putting on a brave face and fake your personality as a laid back supervisor so the people you're in charge of don't see how miserable you are. Amongst doing all that, you're condescendingly talked to if something isn't the way THEY wanted it. I've just about had enough of that attitude for sure. I'm not really sure how to go about shutting that down though without creating a potential bigger conflict that I might not even know how to handle.

I'm not the only one this person talks to the way she does, so I don't feel totally alone there. But I mean, it's one thing to act that way towards me, but it absolutely disgusts me to treat other workers like that that actually have disabilities. That is not okay, but I don't know if I should report it to HR? Other coworkers haven't even reported it, and I know that one of the vocational directors already knows how she is, but yet this coworker is still talking to others like this. I don't even understand. No hope for anyone I guess? πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ
 

Miserum

Well-known member
Feeling pretty drunk. Feeling like an asshole. But also feeling like I am greatly privileged. I really do have a lot going for me. But I'm stuck in my stupid fucking mind and insecurities more than I might care to admit. I could have been born in the midst of WW1, or even worse, of fighting age during that period. Those guys had it bad. What the fuck am I complaining about it?
My family has been out of town for over a week and it has been so friggin' peaceful. This is how life is supposed to be, at least for me. I'm definitely someone whose relationship with their family is wholly dependent on just how far away they are.
I feel this in my soul. What's on the agenda? Naked strutting, pizza, and vidya?
 

Miserum

Well-known member
I've just about had enough of that attitude for sure. I'm not really sure how to go about shutting that down though without creating a potential bigger conflict that I might not even know how to handle.

I'm not the only one this person talks to the way she does, so I don't feel totally alone there. But I mean, it's one thing to act that way towards me, but it absolutely disgusts me to treat other workers like that that actually have disabilities. That is not okay, but I don't know if I should report it to HR? Other coworkers haven't even reported it, and I know that one of the vocational directors already knows how she is, but yet this coworker is still talking to others like this. I don't even understand. No hope for anyone I guess? πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ
Might as well report this fuckhead for being a fuckhead. Might subtract from the chaos of your day to day. As far as not knowing how to handle the situation... you won't know how to handle it, if there is even a situation to handle, until you experience it in reality (as opposed to in your head). Future prep for fuckheads and shituations later down the line, imo.
 
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Miserum

Well-known member
I feel like I'm tired of being someone for someone else. Maybe people won't like the true me. But it sure would be relieving to stop walking on egg shells all the fucking time.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
I'm definitely someone whose relationship with their family is wholly dependent on just how far away they are.
Exactly the same for me as well. I live a little bit closer to my family now than I have in the last 5 years, but those 5 years I lived 100+ miles away was essential for my mental health. The relationship with my mom is much better since moving out and moving away. I still keep her at a distance but I do see her much more than I used to. I'm still able to preserve my sanity. The relationship with my brother has pretty much disintegrated since we both went our separate ways too. He's beyond toxic so it's not like I lost anything there. πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
...you won't know how to handle it, if there is even a situation to handle, until you experience it in reality (as opposed to in your head).
Good blunt advice. πŸ‘ (no sarcasm I mean that) I was thinking that way too, but ugh. Fear of further conflict feeding into anxiety really holds me back at times when it shouldn't. πŸ˜•πŸ˜Ÿ
 

Miserum

Well-known member
Good blunt advice. πŸ‘ (no sarcasm I mean that) I was thinking that way too, but ugh. Fear of further conflict feeding into anxiety really holds me back at times when it shouldn't. πŸ˜•πŸ˜Ÿ
I know exactly what you mean. I am pretty much petrified of conflict as well. Every time, I simply tell myself that I won't know how things will turn out if I don't at least try. Seems to work.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Disappointed and let down, but what else is new? No doubt I'll be made out to the "bad one" for getting pissed off over the fact that my oldest sister ended up making me think I could trust and rely upon her, when she just shown me otherwise. Despite this not being first time she's done that to me. :mad:

But, as per usual, it's me who'll be in the wrong. Cuz who gives a fuck about how I feel whenever I get made to feel like an idiot? But hey, it's been over 20 years now, so ah guess I should be well used to having my trust betrayed again n' again. That's just how it is...
 
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