How are you feeling?

Kiwong

Well-known member
I'm only cool with people I'm comfortable with, though Kiwong. I'm a stilted weirdo otherwise.

And she's not a woman, she's a girl. I don't even think she's 20 yet. She's Generation Z, she's a Zoomer.


Fig. 1 - This GIF represents a 19 year-old girl's concern over my Avoidant Personality Disorder.

I'm just gonna continue to focus on my physical fitness and mental-health journey. If ZOOM wants to gradually get to know me on my schedule, great. If she wants to hop aboard the Fountain Express, cool; but this train ain't slowing down for nobody, and it's definitely not going to get derailed.



I hope. :(
good onya Fountain. I reckon practising connecting with a whole bunch of people is a good way to go. Independence rules, I'm not looking to settle down.
 
Pretty down.

Why can't I just live the way I want and be accepted with no judgement? I don't hurt anyone..
I'm happy not being social - well at least not overly social.. but I keep getting invited out to stupid social events where people stand around drinking. The latest one- a wine tasting event where you - surpise surprise- stand around drinking and talking crap.
Apart from having zero interest in doing that, I don't like turning people down. So in the end I'm the one that feels bad about it. Either way.
I feel shit about knowing I won't enjoy going to those events and I feel shit turning people down.
Stuck in the middle. Its really tormenting me and getting me down. For the first time in a while opting out has run through my thoughts again.
Fk it. Fk it all.:cry:
 
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The usual... miserable as f…k! Not that anyone cares, like. But that’s just how it is.

I just want my life to end. No even saying that to overly dramatic or get sympathy. I truthfully want it to f…kin’ end,

I just don’t care anymore. I’ve had enough of this f…kin’ same ol’, joyless f…kin’ existence. Every time ah say how I feel, am lying or attention seeking. Any time ah tell it is from my perspective, am wrong. Cuz men are inconsiderate, useless [email protected]$%@*!$. Or, at least, been that the predominant narrative I’ve heard for the better part of 2 decades. Probably why I’m as fuct as I am...

This f…kin’ neurotic, anxious, insecure, fearful, self-loathing, people-pleasing, broken shell of a man.

Music does’nae even make me happy anymore. :cry:
 
Pretty down.

Why can't I just live the way I want and be accepted with no judgement? I don't hurt anyone..
I'm happy not being social - well at least not overly social.. but I keep getting invited out to stupid social events where people stand around drinking. The latest one- a wine tasting event where you - surpise surprise- stand around drinking and talking crap.
Apart from having zero interest in doing that, I don't like turning people down. So in the end I'm the one that feels bad about it. Either way.
I feel shit about knowing I won't enjoy going to those events and I feel shit turning people down.
Stuck in the middle. Its really tormenting me and getting me down. For the first time in a while opting out has run through my thoughts again.
Fk it. Fk it all.:cry:
Standing around talking with drinks is crap. I don't drink. Eating a meal at a restaurant is better. Talking is good when it gets less scary.
 
I agree mate, eating a meal is better.
I don't have an issue if people want to stand around, drink in hand talking BS.
If that's what they like, more power to them. But because that's not for me, I'm judged on it.
And I hate that.
Funny you say judged. I went to a works drinks, one of the few who didn't drink. I discovered the people who where there didn't even notice I was there, they were too busy getting sloshed.
 
I feel relieved. I can spend the next week just putting my head down and working, without any obligations, social or otherwise. I more or less don't have to see anyone if I don't want to, or worry about things I need to get done.

This is usually how I feel around new years, but I guess I'm a few weeks late this year :p either way, I welcome it.
 
Sad, disappointed, depressed. I'm hating the system at my job. I'm not happy. I'm trying really hard to make this work, and I want to try to make this work, but I feel like I'm going in circles. Two weeks ago I was feeling really good about it. Last week was hectic, but I was feeling content and thought I was doing a fairly decent job keeping up with everything and how busy it all was. Yesterday two of my coworkers talked to me and apparently I'm not doing as good of a job as I thought I was doing and I'm doing too much, despite being originally trained to be on top of things. My boss is having to take notes in appointments, I was told. There were a few times I couldn't take notes because I was doing another task, or that something wasn't stated clearly enough for me to write down.

But I think what's disappointed me most about all this is two coworkers talked to me about it. Why are they talking about it to me when I work directly under my boss? I'm her assistant, shouldn't she be talking to me about it? Because this means she talked to them about me. Which is essentially talking about me behind my back right?

We had a break yesterday in between appointments because someone cancelled last minute. We were in the room together, she checking her emails, me setting up for the next appointment. I waited a few minutes to see if she'd bring up anything or talk to me. She didn't. So I brought up a generalized apology to see if I could get something out of her. I apologized and said, "Sorry I've been walking out of the room so much. I'm really sick today and I have to keep blowing my nose and washing my hands." (Which was true, I'm fighting a hell of a nasty head cold the last few days and feel miserable on top of all this.) She said that was fine, and then brought up what my two coworkers talked about. In the middle of our conversation, one of the two coworkers walked in the room and joined the conversation. Why? Why does this have ANYTHING to do with ANYBODY ELSE?

I don't know if I'm overreacting or not. I feel so confused. There were no rude words passed. It was just criticism, and I know I don't take criticism well. So why do I feel so bad?
 
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