A part of me is in a good mood today, but I keep having this negativity nagging at me. I had a job application and shadow yesterday and there's a good chance I'll get the job. (Yay! So what's the problem??) I'm ready to go back to work, but I'm scared because it's a whole different environment and field I've never worked in before. It's a small workplace, smaller than my last job, so you'd think I'd feel less anxious, but I actually feel more anxious because I stand out more. Not that I didn't stand out at my last job, but... I guess it's just 'cause it's different and new and I know I'm going to make a lot of mistakes at first and I just hope no one judges me because of it. I feel like, because I'm fresh out of college working a field I actually majored in, I should know everything. And I'd hate for them to see that I didn't learn as much as I should've in school.
I also have to interact with dozens of people in a day as well with this job, everyone of all ages. It's a huge challenge for my social anxiety, but one I can mostly manage within time, I think. Except I'm dreading interacting with kids. I'm not good with kids. I mean, I'm good with kids with my husband's family, but kids I don't know I don't like and yesterday was a reminder of that. A mom came in with her 3 year old daughter and her baby. The baby girl had snot running out of both nostrils into her mouth, meanwhile she's sucking on her fingers. *barf* The mother never even wiped her nose or anything. At one point she put the baby on the floor (barely crawling age) and let her play with some toys. Her toy of choice was to suck on a matchbox car (Seriously?) while her nose was still running into her mouth. While mom's having her appointment and consultation, her 3 year old daughter was running from the room to the entrance of the office, grabbing toys and books and running back. She kept interrupting with questions (she was a curious one; I like curiosity but there's a time and place for it and this place wasn't one of them honestly), and mom would stop what she was saying to answer her questions, and go back to the conversation. It was so distracting and quite frankly driving me insane. The little girl kept asking to be read to, so I knelt down and told her to sit next to me and we'll look at the book together. Thankfully she seemed open to it, but she kept telling me to read to her and I declined, telling her that "We don't want to interrupt your mom's meeting. We should read quietly." I had to repeat that three times before she got the point and read out loud to me quietly. When we were done, she says a smartass remark of, "You should've read to me!" and walks off. Sheesh.
Neither of the women I was working with seemed to have a problem with this, including the mother, which makes me feel like maybe I'm a horrible person who hates children and has no patience for them.
