How are you feeling?

Nice to hear, Graeme. I'm glad you got some good news about this.

I've got a giant bill hanging over my head and it's the worst feeling in the world.
I know the feeling, man. Mum was more worried about than I was. Especially after we just got that £2,000 in rent overpayments back. But our landlord reassured us things would get back to how they were financially in a few weeks. And the money being demanded will be recovered by the council eventually. So, we’ll just have a few weeks where we need to keep track of how much we’re spending, and not spend too much.

Even though I could easily pay off the total amount being demanded using my backdated disability benefit payments. But, neither my Mum or oldest sister would approve of me doing that, as it’s no right that our local council are demanding money we don’t have just now. And it’d be coming outta money I was entitled to. Though, if we’re really struggling, our landlord said we could take out a crisis loan, which we wouldn’t need to worry about paying back, cuz ye don’t have to.

Getting my name on the tenancy was what caused the money issues in the first place. So I’m glad it off for the time being. But if my Mum wishes to put my name back on, it’s easily done.
 

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
Feeling like I'm on a roller coaster ride, and I can't remember not being on it.
Life is too damn hard.
The stress is too much, too often, never-ending....

View attachment 4447
I've been feeling like this a lot lately. I think part of it is im so strung out form years of fighting with mental health issues on top of a crappy lot in life in general, that even minor stress overwhelms me now
 
Well, the abridged version would be: Today was a $h!%* day. Ah hate my f…kin’ life. Should’nae huv been born, especially had I knew the life ah wus in for. And what an absolutely, self-centred, inconsiderate, patronising c…%* would turn out to be. :mad:
 

Marc7

Well-known member
Not great, I try not to think about it too much...
That's good you try not to think about it too much.

No, I was just using my own experience of learning those necessary skills as an example. And, I also had the limitations of my disability to keep in mind while I was learning them. So I had an extra hurdle to overcome in that respect.
Oh.

Positive affirmation... instead of thinking the worse. And not listen to my mother when she’d say something to discourage me or get me down.
Did you mean using positive affirmations? You were persistent, that is good.


I just ask my oldest sister to do a web search and print me off some exercises that would be suitable for getting the strength back in my legs. And I did them for the week whe
Oh, you did them for the week whe?

Oh, after I got my plaster casts off my legs, I couldn’t put my full weight on my legs, meaning I was very unsteady whenever I stood up, or off balance when trying to walk. And I specifically told I wasn’t allowed to put my weight on my right leg, and had to use a walking frame while I had my plasters on. Because my right leg had more done to it when compared to my left leg.

And the physiotherapy team assigned to me hadn’t been told I needed home visits, so it was a week before they become involved in my rehab. As they were under the impression that I was coming to the hospital for my rehab soon after getting my plasters off. But I wasn’t able to stand, let alone walk, so they had to out to my house and try and figure out how things were going to go, once my legs were strong enough and I was more steady on my feet.
So weight bare is weight on your legs without the casts? How did you walk with a walking frame with plaster casts on your legs? Just curious.

Oh.

Mainly because, aside from the walking frame I brought home from the hospital, I didn’t have anything in my house that was similar to those parallel bars that are commonly used in the rehabilitation of leg injuries or surgeries. And there was only so many exercises I could do with my legs while laying on top of my bed.
Oh okay, that makes sense.

Kinda... I was back up on my feet within 3 months, that was in April of 2016. And I only got my surgery done in January of that same year. But my rehab was scheduled from February through to July. As I was expected to be off my feet for 6 months.
You were walking within 3 months as well? Why kinda?

When I was 12, I was told I’d likely be wheelchair bound by my mid-20s. I’m not in a wheelchair, currently. But I do use one when I’m going somewhere where, if I was to walk about for long periods, my legs would get sore.
That's good you don't have to use the wheelchair all the time.

Yeah, it’s only because she can’t boss me around as much now. And I think she’s finally realised that I don’t really need her, it’s more a case of her needing me. She did try and talk me out of getting my surgery done back in 2016. But she made the mistake of making it about her, telling I shouldn’t get it done but not giving me reasons why, when the final decision was mine to make.
Why can't she boss you around as much, because you proved to her that you're independent? Why does she need you more?

It’s okay, no need to be sorry. Just reply whenever you feel like doing so. Don’t feel that you have to respond right away when I reply to you.
Thank you Graeme, I'm glad you understand.
 
That's good you try not to think about it too much.
Did you mean using positive affirmations? You were persistent, that is good.
Aye, positive affirmations is what I meant. Though, easier said than done if you were raised around people who were and are constantly negative, as I was.

Oh, you did them for the week whe?
Sorry, I must’ve hit post before finishing that point. :LOL: Those exercises my oldest sister printed off for me were done for the week when I’d just got my plaster casts off and was still fairly weak, physically, and need to build my leg strength back up if I didn’t want the surgery to have been a waste of time. And my rehab was yet to start by that point as well... so we kinda took things into our hands. Just to get things going...

So weight bare is weight on your legs without the casts?
No, it’s just I’d have to get use to putting my full weight on each leg when I was walking you. Something I found difficult before having my operation. And I couldn’t do it while I had the casts on, as my legs weren’t full healed until towards the end of February 2016. Plus, after getting the casts off my legs were still and couldn’t move much. Having been in plaster for over a month.

How did you walk with a walking frame with plaster casts on your legs? Just curious.
Hopping on one leg, and using the frame to support my upper body, basically. :LOL: As I couldn’t let my right foot touch the ground as it was too weak. And if I‘d put any weight on it while it was still healing, there was a good chance I could fell injured myself. That said, it was quite amusing at first though, having to hop about. Then I got the hang of how far I need the frame in order get from the living room couch to my single bed that was at the opposite end of the living room.

You were walking within 3 months as well? Why kinda?
Because, when I went for the consultancy meeting after saying I wanted the surgery done, and I had everything explained to me as far what the surgery entailed. I was expected to be off my feet for a full 6 months at the most. And when I had my operation done, 6 months was still the estimated amount of months I’d be off my feet. So, me being able to get up n’ about within 3 months came as a bit of a surprise to the surgeon who did my operation. Considering I had multiple operations done on my legs at once. I guess she thought, because I’m quite a big lad, I’d need longer heal up and get back on my feet.

Why can't she boss you around as much, because you proved to her that you're independent?
Pretty much. And I’ve proved I’m not as incapable to doing things myself, despite having a disability.

Why does she need you more?
Because she’s getting older. And I’m the only one that’s been there for her, I don’t treat her as badly as my 2 older sisters do. I don’t berate her for not being able to do something, like I’ll get annoyed about it, sure. Even swear about it outta frustration, especially if she just making excuses so as to get outta helping me. But I don’t argue about it, my older sister (the youngest of the two) is particular known for doing that a lot. And she refuses to shut up about it, like she go on for a good 15 minutes up to half an hour at times. It’s irritating to listen to... and know you can’t get involved because that would just cause another argument. :mad:

Thank you Graeme, I'm glad you understand.
No problem, Marc. ;)(y)
 
My insomnia has returned, so huv’nae really slept much lately. :cry: :mad: And I’m still mair than a wee bit annoyed with the family drama that occurred the other day. If am feeling pissed off enough to long for the day when ah snap, I dread to think how my mother must be feeling, constantly stuck in the middle. :cry:

It’s great life when ya don’t even get a word of thanks for doing something for a certain member o’ yer family who, technically speaking, does’nae deserve even that... amount of kindness. But yer forced to help them just to avoid causing an argument if you refuse. :mad:
 
Disheartened, like everything I've been told in the past about relationships is basically a lie.

Even from a young age, males are told what women want, silly me believed it - "What women want is someone who is understanding of their emotional needs, someone who is compassionate, their best friend, supportive, a good listener etc etc..."

What I'm coming to realize is it's just not that way at all.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
Disheartened, like everything I've been told in the past about relationships is basically a lie.

Even from a young age, males are told what women want, silly me believed it - "What women want is someone who is understanding of their emotional needs, someone who is compassionate, their best friend, supportive, a good listener etc etc..."

What I'm coming to realize is it's just not that way at all.
I told a guy at work, I wasn't what anyone was looking for. He replied, you don't know what they are looking for.
 
Got told about my relative’s cancer surgery today, a dates been set, they’re getting it done this week. So, I’m hopeful all goes well. Been waiting a few months to hear that news...

Not much else has been happening. Aside from having a good laugh when my nieces came upstairs to my room to see me then refused to go back downstairs when asked to by their mother and granny. And I managed to make both of them laugh whilst I was trimming my beard. Still waiting for it to dawn on their mother that they like their auntie and uncle more than they do her. Quite surprised there’s not been a massive, shouty, swearing row over it, yet. If she already realised this, she has asked me why it is my nieces spending time yapping to me, with the oldest doing most o’ the talking. Though, I probably couldn’t bring myself to just shrug it off n’ say: “Ah don’t know...” :LOL:
 
Disheartened, like everything I've been told in the past about relationships is basically a lie.

Even from a young age, males are told what women want, silly me believed it - "What women want is someone who is understanding of their emotional needs, someone who is compassionate, their best friend, supportive, a good listener etc etc..."

What I'm coming to realize is it's just not that way at all.


Well hell! Those things you listed, are certainly what I look for in a partner! (y):)

Sounds like you are just extremely unfortunate to have met mostly mixed up, mean, selfish, superficial, nasty, attention addicted, hollow-headed girls, Pug.

Don't despair though, we are not all like that!

Granted, there are a heck of a lot of girls around today, that are just blindly swallowing every bit of ridiculous, self-defeating bit of brainwashing, that the corporate media can throw at them. :confused:

I am female and even I am stunned by the level of gullibility many females possess these days. :eek:

Sorry to hear you aren't having much like in the dating game atm, Pug. Don't give up!:)
 
.
Got told about my relative’s cancer surgery today, a dates been set, they’re getting it done this week. So, I’m hopeful all goes well. Been waiting a few months to hear that news...

Not much else has been happening. Aside from having a good laugh when my nieces came upstairs to my room to see me then refused to go back downstairs when asked to by their mother and granny. And I managed to make both of them laugh whilst I was trimming my beard. Still waiting for it to dawn on their mother that they like their auntie and uncle more than they do her. Quite surprised there’s not been a massive, shouty, swearing row over it, yet. If she already realised this, she has asked me why it is my nieces spending time yapping to me, with the oldest doing most o’ the talking. Though, I probably couldn’t bring myself to just shrug it off n’ say: “Ah don’t know...” :LOL:
Good luck Graeme, I know you've been worried about your relative's health.

I'm also happy to hear that your nieces enjoy your company so much, at least somebody else in your family is sane. :D
 
Got told about my relative’s cancer surgery today, a dates been set, they’re getting it done this week. So, I’m hopeful all goes well. Been waiting a few months to hear that news...

Not much else has been happening. Aside from having a good laugh when my nieces came upstairs to my room to see me then refused to go back downstairs when asked to by their mother and granny. And I managed to make both of them laugh whilst I was trimming my beard. Still waiting for it to dawn on their mother that they like their auntie and uncle more than they do her. Quite surprised there’s not been a massive, shouty, swearing row over it, yet. If she already realised this, she has asked me why it is my nieces spending time yapping to me, with the oldest doing most o’ the talking. Though, I probably couldn’t bring myself to just shrug it off n’ say: “Ah don’t know...” :LOL:
As they say animals and young children can sense things in people, that adults are too busy to sense.
It seems your nieces could sense that you have a warm heart and are pleasant to be around, Graeme! (y)
You should take your nieces desire to hang out with you, as a compliment to your personality. :)
 
Well hell! Those things you listed, are certainly what I look for in a partner! (y):)

Sounds like you are just extremely unfortunate to have met mostly mixed up, mean, selfish, superficial, nasty, attention addicted, hollow-headed girls, Pug.

Don't despair though, we are not all like that!

Granted, there are a heck of a lot of girls around today, that are just blindly swallowing every bit of ridiculous, self-defeating bit of brainwashing, that the corporate media can throw at them. :confused:

I am female and even I am stunned by the level of gullibility many females possess these days. :eek:

Sorry to hear you aren't having much like in the dating game atm, Pug. Don't give up!:)
Thanks Blue :) It's good to know there are at least SOME decent girls still out there... somewhere
 

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
Well hell! Those things you listed, are certainly what I look for in a partner! (y):)

Sounds like you are just extremely unfortunate to have met mostly mixed up, mean, selfish, superficial, nasty, attention addicted, hollow-headed girls, Pug.

Don't despair though, we are not all like that!

Granted, there are a heck of a lot of girls around today, that are just blindly swallowing every bit of ridiculous, self-defeating bit of brainwashing, that the corporate media can throw at them. :confused:

I am female and even I am stunned by the level of gullibility many females possess these days. :eek:

Sorry to hear you aren't having much like in the dating game atm, Pug. Don't give up!:)
I agree, those are definitely the qualities I'd want in a partner. Those you listed Pug and a sense of humor are really important qualities
 
As they say animals and young children can sense things in people, that adults are too busy to sense.
It seems your nieces could sense that you have a warm heart and are pleasant to be around, Graeme! (y)
You should take your nieces desire to hang out with you, as a compliment to your personality. :)
I do take it as a compliment... but then, am shouting, swearing or speaking to them as if they’re older than they actually are. Not that I begrudge them coming to see me now, as much as I did initially. When “We’re going to see Graeme !! Graeme?!” was the first thing my nieces would do once they were in the house. It’s just... once they’re upstairs, they’re f__kin’ adamant about not coming back downstairs. “No, mummy ! I’m not... doing that ! No !”, is the response their mother gets from the oldest when she shouts on them to: “C’mon ! Back downstairs, please !” :LOL:

Though, ah laughed yesterday when both them, in unison, shouted “No !!” After their mother and granny’s attempted to ask them, for a 2nd time, to come back downstairs for their dinner. They had to come up and get them, but even then they were huvin none o’ it, like. :LOL: Though, no sooner had they ate their dinner, then they were back upstairs with me. Laughing at me singing along to the chorus of Minerva by Deftones. And at the psychedelic coloured scissors I use to trim my beard, as well as how I trim my beard.

If my older sister hadn’t come upstairs and got them, I doubt they’d huv went home yesterday. Funnily enough, after the youngest got her coat and shoes on, she ran back upstairs. And my door had been left open, so I just hear my sister shouting: “No, yer not going back upstairs ! C’mon, we’re just about to go home !” I’m thinking: aw, she’ll just grab before she makes it halfway up. But, no... Next thing ah hear is: “Graeme... Graeme... Graeme”. And I turn to see my youngest niece smiling at me as she crawling up the last 2 stairs, she then stands up and walks back into my room. :LOL:

My oldest sister was right, when she asked me: “Whit does that tell ye...?” After I mentioned about them not wanting to comeback downstairs after seeing me. :LOL:

Though, both of my nieces did help me tidy out a corner of my room, yesterday. that I was doing in between me getting my laptop back in working order. So, they’re more willing to help me out than their mother in that respect. :LOL: But there no bad lassies, really. Oldest yin just yaps away, telling n’ showing me things. Or, we have our “wee chitchats” as she calls ‘em. And, for the time being, the youngest just says my name, repeatedly... which I’ve no issue with.

.

Good luck Graeme, I know you've been worried about your relative's health.

I'm also happy to hear that your nieces enjoy your company so much, at least somebody else in your family is sane. :D
Thanks, man. ;)(y) They’re going the operation done at the same hospital where I had my orthopaedic surgery done back in 2016. So, ah just hope they’ve had a heads up about the food on offer, cuz it wasn’t great during my week long stay. :sick:

And my nieces huv the right idea. At least me n’ my oldest sister actually engage with them. Aye, ah might be a bit distracted, trying to play something on my guitar or digital piano. But I do pay attention to them when they ask me to watch them do something, or show me something. Or ask follow up question when the oldest is telling me something, I’m not outright ignoring them.
 
I’ve really pissed off lately, to the point where I don’t know if ah even want to write my own music anymore. :cry:

Ah genuinely want to just pack up n’ get tha f…k away from where I grew up and have lived my whole life, but that’s easier said than done. Far easily if you can afford to do it, financially.

Just found out, today, from my oldest sister that our middle sibling and her treatment of our mother is the main reason why one of our cousins no longer feels she can come and visit. :mad: That explains why she only does the off visit, here n’ there, and doesn’t stay long. It’s because our cousin feels a massive row would just kick off if she spoke up, and said not to speak to our mother the way our middle sibling does and gets away with.

And, after my experience yesterday, with my nieces, my oldest sister and I wondered if our sister (the middle child) was jealousy of the fact that her kids like us more than her. Because that must hurt as a parent ?

Though, we also agreed things can’t keep on going the way they’ve been for the last 2 years. I brought up the idea of us all sitting in the living room, and discussing things. But, knowing how well the women in my family take criticism when the words are comin’ oot my gob, ah doubt that would have the desired affected of changing things for the better. :( :cry:
 
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