How are you feeling?

So I find I enjoy being around people when it goes well. But then company becomes addictive, and I become more lonely when company is withdrawn
I think it's a natural feeling that most people feel. That is why they say that human is a social animal. And that I'm clearly not human. Just kidding. It's probably better if you have a wide enough range of acquaintance or friends that you can call to hang out with or do activities in order to avoid being too demanding to one particular friend.
 

worrywort

Well-known member
I'm freaking out a bit. Been a while since I posted here. I tend to only post when I'm freaking out about something!

My supervisor left at my cleaning job, so I volunteered to take over. One week in and I'm suddenly massively regretting it! I thought it'd be easy, but it's suddenly dawning on me how much pressure it's going to be. All the organisational/paperwork side of things is easy, but the people management part is really daunting me now that I'm suddenly faced with it.

I thought about quitting this evening and going back to just being a normal cleaner, but another bad thought occurred to me; my area manager isn't very nice and he might not give me my old contract back. He might say, if I want to go back I'll have to take a reduced hours contract. I'm really hoping he won't and that I'm worrying myself over nothing. But if he does, God, that'd be such a kick in the teeth.

Ergh, I need some peace. Worst case scenario, I'll just have to take that reduced hours contract and see how it goes. I could find myself £750 down a year, when the supervisor role would put me up about £2000 a year. I've just lost another source of income recently of a few grand a year. So things could get a touch tight.

I don't really wanna look for a new job, though I suppose that's a possibility. I could just stay on as the supervisor and rise to the challenge. Treat it as a growth opportunity, but it feels more like a distraction. I was happy! Things were rolling along fine and I was making loads of art. This supervisor role will just take my mind away from my art every day and onto petty issues that need to be sorted.

But this is reminding me of my inability to deal with people, and it's also making me realise my dependence on my job. I've been doing it for 10 years. I'm so used to it now, the thought of life outside it is scary. It's like I've been institutionalized! I don't know. These illusions of security that we convince ourselves of...just one little breeze and the whole thing collapses and exposes me. Perhaps that's a sign that I should take the supervisor role to build up my people skills and confidence. Or perhaps I'm just freaking out over nothing, and I'm spiraling, and actually I'm right. That the supervisor role will be a distraction, and that I only need to challenge myself when I NEED to, and that my life WAS secure, and I should just go back to it.

Ah man, I'm also suddenly realising I have no-one I feel I can call to talk to about this right now, and I also stopped giving money to charity last year and I'm suddenly wondering whether this is God's karma, but that's crazy right? Of course it is. I know it is. Man my mind collapses so easily. I gotta get a grip! ok I'm going to bed
 
Well, I’m going to get ma name off the lease of my house next week.

Oh, and ma oldest sister phoned up about that £4,000 quid council tax the other day. And threatened to take the letter to her solicitor if this did’nae get sorted, to see if we’ve got growns to sue. Turns out it was a f…k up on their part, and I’m owed £2,000 quid cuz I’ve been slightly overpaying ma council tax. :D Ah think ah’ll treat ma mother to a new television with some o’ that additional cash. :)
 
Last edited:

Kiwong

Well-known member
I think it's a natural feeling that most people feel. That is why they say that human is a social animal. And that I'm clearly not human. Just kidding. It's probably better if you have a wide enough range of acquaintance or friends that you can call to hang out with or do activities in order to avoid being too demanding to one particular friend.

True, I've wondered if inside me there bird inside me. I get them better than humans. I still feel most free when I am by myself. It is that craving for approval that becomes with being with friends, a part of being human, we all desire validation of our worth.
 
I'm freaking out a bit. Been a while since I posted here. I tend to only post when I'm freaking out about something!

My supervisor left at my cleaning job, so I volunteered to take over. One week in and I'm suddenly massively regretting it! I thought it'd be easy, but it's suddenly dawning on me how much pressure it's going to be. All the organisational/paperwork side of things is easy, but the people management part is really daunting me now that I'm suddenly faced with it.

I thought about quitting this evening and going back to just being a normal cleaner, but another bad thought occurred to me; my area manager isn't very nice and he might not give me my old contract back. He might say, if I want to go back I'll have to take a reduced hours contract. I'm really hoping he won't and that I'm worrying myself over nothing. But if he does, God, that'd be such a kick in the teeth.

Ergh, I need some peace. Worst case scenario, I'll just have to take that reduced hours contract and see how it goes. I could find myself £750 down a year, when the supervisor role would put me up about £2000 a year. I've just lost another source of income recently of a few grand a year. So things could get a touch tight.

I don't really wanna look for a new job, though I suppose that's a possibility. I could just stay on as the supervisor and rise to the challenge. Treat it as a growth opportunity, but it feels more like a distraction. I was happy! Things were rolling along fine and I was making loads of art. This supervisor role will just take my mind away from my art every day and onto petty issues that need to be sorted.

But this is reminding me of my inability to deal with people, and it's also making me realise my dependence on my job. I've been doing it for 10 years. I'm so used to it now, the thought of life outside it is scary. It's like I've been institutionalized! I don't know. These illusions of security that we convince ourselves of...just one little breeze and the whole thing collapses and exposes me. Perhaps that's a sign that I should take the supervisor role to build up my people skills and confidence. Or perhaps I'm just freaking out over nothing, and I'm spiraling, and actually I'm right. That the supervisor role will be a distraction, and that I only need to challenge myself when I NEED to, and that my life WAS secure, and I should just go back to it.

Ah man, I'm also suddenly realising I have no-one I feel I can call to talk to about this right now, and I also stopped giving money to charity last year and I'm suddenly wondering whether this is God's karma, but that's crazy right? Of course it is. I know it is. Man my mind collapses so easily. I gotta get a grip! ok I'm going to bed
I was once forced into a small supervisory role years ago. The stress finally ended up causing me to "lose the plot", in a really bad way.
The constant pressure of a supervisory role on our anxious minds can feel like being rubbed with sandpaper every day. Well it did for me. Of course everyone's level of anxiety is different though.

Just keep evaluating the state of your mental health and don't let yourself get too close to "losing it". You need to measure up; "Losing Some of your Income" vs "Losing the Ability to Keep your Mental Health at a Manageable Level"
 

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
Well, I’m going to get ma name off the lease of my house next week.

Oh, and ma oldest sister phoned up about that £4,000 quid council tax the other day. And threatened to take the letter to her solicitor if this did’nae get sorted, to see if we’ve got grows to sue. Turns out it was a f…k up on their part, and I’m owed £2,000 quid cuz I’ve been slightly overpaying ma council tax. :D Ah think ah’ll treat ma mother to a new television with some o’ that additional cash. :)
 

worrywort

Well-known member
I was once forced into a small supervisory role years ago. The stress finally ended up causing me to "lose the plot", in a really bad way.
The constant pressure of a supervisory role on our anxious minds can feel like being rubbed with sandpaper every day. Well it did for me. Of course everyone's level of anxiety is different though.

Just keep evaluating the state of your mental health and don't let yourself get too close to "losing it". You need to measure up; "Losing Some of your Income" vs "Losing the Ability to Keep your Mental Health at a Manageable Level"

Thanks so much for this reply. Yes, I've made the same calculation and figured I'd do better with less income and less stress.

I think there's just something in the nature of a supervisory role that totally contradicts a certain core nature in myself, which is that I hate imposing my will upon other people. I don't mind asking, but I hate forcing. For this reason I think I exude very little natural authority. I also find honesty to be the only manner in which my brain allows me to converse, and being a supervisor it seems there'll be many occasions when I'll be called to keep my personal views private and to act as though the companies views are my own. Add to that all the little petty problems and pressures of expectation upon me, and I can very much imagine it feeling like being rubbed with sandpaper everyday!

So thanks for your advice. I contacted my area manager today to let him know, and I'm waiting for his reply. But I've made my peace with the reduced hours if that happens anyway.
 
Really annoyed, angry, full of despair and a sense of hopelessness.

What happened in NZ.. just disgraceful that there are actually people that will commit these kind of atrocities. It doesn't matter what 'side' they're on.
Whether it's islamic extremists, or a white power extremist.. a run of the mill person that commits murder or even Hitler for that matter. History has shown we are an inherently violent species and I can't see it ever changing. It's in our DNA.

So what's the answer? I don't believe there is one. We will go on killing each other for stupid reasons such as the amount of pigmentation in our skin, the shapes of our eyes, the languages we speak and the things we believe - no matter if they are true or not.

Perhaps the answer is to actually weed out these people that carry the violence genes over many generations? Those convicted of violent crimes such as murder, rape and pedophilia could be sent to an island where there are no resources apart from water. There they could live amongst those who think violence is ok. And just let them destroy each other. Perhaps they would have to turn to cannibalism just to eat.

I know that sounds horrific and barbaric, but it seems our current systems systems aren't providing a real deterrent. The media put's their faces all over the tv's and internet, playing right into their hands, giving them notoriety they crave.

The island would be too far away from other land to swim to, or even if they made a raft. The island would have a fully globally funded and dedicated force that surrounds the island and is monitored 24x7.

I know this wouldn't stop 100% of violence, but it would sure stop those few that see current prisons as a holiday camp. I truly believe most people who commit these violent acts cannot be rehabilitated and don't deserve it anyway.
 
Really annoyed, angry, full of despair and a sense of hopelessness.

What happened in NZ.. just disgraceful that there are actually people that will commit these kind of atrocities. It doesn't matter what 'side' they're on.
Whether it's islamic extremists, or a white power extremist.. a run of the mill person that commits murder or even Hitler for that matter. History has shown we are an inherently violent species and I can't see it ever changing. It's in our DNA.

So what's the answer? I don't believe there is one. We will go on killing each other for stupid reasons such as the amount of pigmentation in our skin, the shapes of our eyes, the languages we speak and the things we believe - no matter if they are true or not.

Perhaps the answer is to actually weed out these people that carry the violence genes over many generations? Those convicted of violent crimes such as murder, rape and pedophilia could be sent to an island where there are no resources apart from water. There they could live amongst those who think violence is ok. And just let them destroy each other. Perhaps they would have to turn to cannibalism just to eat.

I know that sounds horrific and barbaric, but it seems our current systems systems aren't providing a real deterrent. The media put's their faces all over the tv's and internet, playing right into their hands, giving them notoriety they crave.

The island would be too far away from other land to swim to, or even if they made a raft. The island would have a fully globally funded and dedicated force that surrounds the island and is monitored 24x7.

I know this wouldn't stop 100% of violence, but it would sure stop those few that see current prisons as a holiday camp. I truly believe most people who commit these violent acts cannot be rehabilitated and don't deserve it anyway.
This should have been instigated a long time ago.

But unfortunately it will never be done, because the multinational corporate privately run prisons will never allow their multi-billion dollar contracts with governments all over the world, to end.

Serco etc, have the governments of the different countries they operate their prisons in, on their side, due to their very generous "campaign donations".
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
So I find I enjoy being around people when it goes well. But then company becomes addictive, and I become more lonely when company is withdrawn
Same here. I never knew how social I could actually be when the people around me actually like me for just me. I am a completely different person at my job than I am at college. At college, I've always been withdrawn and barely anyone has bothered to talk to me. (And I the same to them obviously) I only have about 2 close friends, one I never get to see as she's now in a different program, and then there are a couple girls in class I might talk to occasionally, but that's it. I don't talk to anyone else and I don't have any fantastic networking relationships with professors either. I have been judged in the past for not caring or not paying attention just because I don't talk or ask questions and I never bothered to join volunteering activities because of my anxiety and the fact I had to choose to earn money to pay my bills over participating in clubs and whatever. (To think I could escape that kind of bullshit judgment after graduating high school. :rolleyes: Side note, it has completely fucked up my perspective on school as a whole for the rest of my life.)

At work however, I talk to a handful of people every time I'm there. I have good relations with my boss, supervisors, and about 3/4 of the staff, and I'm good friends with 2 people that I actually see outside of work too. I did nothing different in this situation than I did at college. I kept to myself and did my work. That kind of attitude pays off at your job than at school, apparently. People just started randomly talking to me, complimenting me on my work. When I'm gone, they tell me they miss me. They look to me when a supervisor isn't around and I absolutely love the feeling. It really broke me out of my shell, to be honest. Something I didn't think was all that possible.

If people just stopped for a second and said something nice instead of judging introversion so harshly, then maybe we wouldn't be quite so horribly anxious all the time.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
I'm feeling overwhelmed and lonely today. :( I've been struggling with my senior thesis trying to get words flowing and information organized. My rough draft is due in exactly two weeks and I only have about 3ish pages done. On top of that I'm doing two 1 hr lectures at two different grade schools tomorrow. :oops: I have a video project :eek: to do as well that has so much writing to it (diet analysis, designing patient education handouts, report, etc.) that I have to get done by next Friday, plus I have to volunteer at the campus food bank for a few hours that same day. I'm by myself at home for part of the week because my husband had to go out of state for work. Ugh my head is spinning. o_O I just want to curl up in a hole and sleep until spring is here.

 
Feeling quite good after that argument with my older sister at the weekend, there.

Got my name taken off the tenancy of the family home today, so my Mum’s back to being sole tenant. Had my landlord round, I just had to sign off on it to confirm that I agreed to take ma name off. But I’m still listed as an occupant.

And my oldest sister was in, witnessing this, and she showed the landlord another letter my mother and I got through on Saturday there, demanding £168 of £326 in rent be paid this week. We’ve been advised to get in touch about it, as we cannae hand over the cash at the moment. Otherwise we’ll not have much money to live on.
 
Top