Nervous, nervous, nervous.
I think I know how you feel, Blue: the constant fatigue, frustration, every day a Sysyphean ordeal. I doubt that I have as many compulsory parts to my life as you do to yours—there are one or two small advantages to being completely alone and unwanted—but those few I have leave me flattened, sometimes for days.
I wish I had some great advice for you, more than just the same tired, old platitudes. I wish I could tell you what it's all for, that there's some reason why the universe has chosen to trample us so. I don't have any answers. I don't think anyone does, though many claim to have it all neatly wrapped up with ribbons and bows. All I can tell you is that I understand what you're going through as much as another soul can from the other side of the world. I wish you peace and some measure of contentment, as I wish those things for myself and everyone here. Maybe we'll all feel better someday.