Thank you, GB. Yes, I definitely agree... Self doubt is the devil of the mind. I struggle very much in overcoming self-deprecation, especially this past year.
The awareness that missed opportunities have occurred because of my inabily to overcome this crippling fear and shyness has contributed greatly to my depression. I try not to dwell, and focus on what is in my control. However, that is much simpler said than done.
GB, this will probably sound ironic to you, but you give me hope for humanity. Please stay unapologetically awesome. You say exactly what I'm thinking--and I'm certain I'm not alone in this--with eloquence. You're a wordsmith and the smartest person I've never met. Please stay loud and beardy.
I must be reading too much into chatbox stuff. We never really talk there anymore and I thought you might have been giving me the cold shoulder or something. It's just me being hyper-sensitive, as usual. :D
You used to haggle?! I'm the worst at that. I never ask for a lower price, I feel so bad! Worse, I'm a sucker for salespeople. I'll buy it just because they took the time to sell it.
Flea markets are especially hard. I've bought so much stuff... Just to buy because I feel so uncomfortable in saying no.
This is the reason I don't go shopping. Especially for big things... I always feel pressured and guilty, so I buy it.
And worse, I let people haggle me to embarrassing lows. I really love art, and used to paint and draw as a means to pay for school. Well, I was horrible at selling my stuff. Portraits, mostly. How can you put a price on the face of a loved one?! I ended up stopping completely because I was spending more than I was making.
My favorite part of the flea market is the food. I do enjoy browsing, but as soon as I make eye contact with the vendor, I run away. Because I know THEY know that I'm a sucker.
Doing taxes always scares me. I feel as if They're going to audit me and take me to prison. Which is completely irrational because I am honest and pay what I have to pay. I'm just glad its over for this year.
I miss chatting with you in the chat box! I thought of you the other day because I went to an estate sale and found the coolest jewelry box. It was beautiful. They also had a bunch of cool weird collectible plates. I just wanted to share that with you.
You sir, are a gentleman and a scholar! Your posts are so raw and well written, I feel the temptation to compare their seamless combination of eloquence and melancholy to the likes of Poe! That being said, I have not read enough Poe to be able to make the distinction. Also, being compared to Poe may not really be a compliment when you really are downtrodden and in the midst of hopelessness.
You know what, forget everything about Poe, just know that you're awesome!
Sir, people like you restore my faith that there are some parts of existing humanity that are still not past the point of no return. From reading many of your posts etc I don't believe you think of yourself in a high enough regard! I only wish we did not live on opposite sides of the planet as I predict you would make a truly wonderful friend in real life. :)