How are you feeling?

[vj288]

I feel like I am holding myself back from being happy and letting myself enjoy things. I know some people hate to think of depression as a switch we decide to to turn, but that's what it feels like to me. I could be happy and enjoy every moment of life but instead I let myself focus in on things in a way that makes me bitter, petty, serious, and want to sleep all day. I have the potential in me to be lighthearted and take everything as it is as opposed to how it makes things suck, but I can't seem to. I probably sound crazy, I don't know. It just feels like I'm not trying hard enough (and probably am not) and not that things actually are bad. They really aren't, I have no excuse.

 

[jaim38]

I can't wait for school to be over. I wouldn't miss it one bit.

The only reason why I go to school is to defer student loans. It's not because I want to learn how to run a business or start a project. If I had no student loans, I wouldn't be in school. I don't want to be a supervisor, manager, or CEO. In fact, I dread these positions.

I'm not sure what I want in terms of career. I thought about IT specialist but some people seem intent on making me a business ana.lyst. If I do business ana.lyst, I will say first and foremost that I'm gonna have to fake a lot of cr*p. It's going to be more stressful on me than doing IT specialist.

 

[dottie]

got my cat, got my coffee- feel great!! it's a beautiful day!

 

[Opaline]

got my cat, got my coffee- feel great!! it's a beautiful day!

You got your cat back? Yayyyyy!

 

[dottie]

You got your cat back? Yayyyyy!

nah, not that one... this is technically my mom's cat (who loves me more)

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

I feel so elated at the moment I could burst!

My college teacher, who is also the co-chair of the program i am currently studying in just saved my butt from a presentation he told us to give. I told him about my concerns regarding public speaking and my SA (well I left certain things out of course) and he understood and said he could relate to a 'phobia' and well he tried to work something out with me so that I can manage and not feel stressed while also being fair to the other students who would have to present. He told me he would work something out before class started and he came to class and just cancelled the whole presentation. Now that gesture spoke volumes and made me feel like there are people who understand the nightmares this disorder brings forth to us and actually sympathize instead of judging us for our imperfection. Of course this is only something temporary and I won't be able to get away with forever, but he engouraged me to work through it only because he knows how hard it can be and because that's one important requirement for this profession.

He could have easily said 'sorry, but that's just not possible' and shrug off my request like it was nothing, but he didn't. I feel happy right now...happy I wasn't judged for what I fear most.

 

[awkwardamanda]

I feel like I am holding myself back from being happy and letting myself enjoy things.

I don't like to let myself enjoy things because I feel like I don't deserve to. I've been unemployed and trying to find a job for months. I've been putting all my time and energy into that and I feel like I just don't deserve to have fun. All I really do for fun is watch the odd show on TV, poke around the web a little, and play time-waster games like solitaire and mahjong. It's isn't really that fun. It's mildly amusing and I feel guilty for not spending that time on my job search. I haven't played any actual fun games in months because I know if I do I'll just get addicted and become unproductive. When I have cover letters to write, I end up staring at the screen, not knowing what to say, and fearing it won't be good enough and I won't hear back. I do a little at a time, and then take a break when I get frustrated, only to feel more guilty for wasting time. I can't concentrate because I'm burnt out and I have no balance in life, which was exactly why school was such a drag. I spent the past weekend with my family at our trailer and I really needed the break but now I feel like I've gotten behind and I have to play catch up. It's horrible. I've put my entire life on hold. I just want a friggen job so I can move on with my life, get some other things done, and spend some time just relaxing and having some fun without having to feel guilty and like I should be doing something productive.:sad:

 

[paperie]

I've been having a tough couple weeks. Was feeling totally dizzy and off balanced for a while, saw the doc a couple times and found out it was probably an inner ear infection....but I still don't feel completely right. It's been hard being stuck inside the house more than normal with no one to really talk to. I've just felt so low and lonely, crying every day. Trying to stay positive but it's been more difficult lately and I'm getting tired of my own complaints. I'm getting better, but I still can't get over the anxious and depressed feelings I've felt these past few weeks. Just want to feel like myself again. I wish I had more of a social circle around where I live. I miss my family and friends. Feels good to vent.

 

[Phoenixx]

Pretty lonely tonight. I wish I had a friend to hangout with. :/ I'd hangout with an acquaintance tomorrow, but he has classes all day.

On another note, I got to see my cousin one more time again today before he leaves for Japan tomorrow. I'm so glad I got to see him one more time, since I won't see him again for another couple years. Despite being away from his family so long, he does love being in the Navy. I'm actually pretty jealous he's gone to all these places so far in the last few years. To be honest, if it wasn't for my health issues and my social anxiety, I probably would've gone into the military too, most likely for military technology. There's just so many experiences involved with it and so many places you get to go. That's mainly what I'm itching to do -- travel and immerse myself in so many experiences. Even though I'm a homebody here (Partly because I am kinda afraid to go to certain places by myself, but mainly because living in the middle of nowhere does nothing for me and it's boring.), if someone were to ask me tomorrow if I wanted to go on a roadtrip to somewhere new, I'd have my bags packed in a heartbeat. I just really want to leave. :sad:

 

[springk]

^^ @Phoenixx:

I too want to leave this place. I am bored of living here. I also know that my health is a big issue and i just can't leave this place and settle in some other place. I feel afraid deep down.

 

[springk]

I feel highly anxious. I am always bad at taking DECISIONS.
Whenever I have to take a crucial decision I waver like anything.
I can never make up my mind.

Similar situation now!!
I did give an exam and the result is out. It was for admission in a course that will make me qualify as a teacher.
Never in my life did i think that i will be a teacher.
Its something i just don't want.
I can't pinpoint exact reason for it. It simply don't want it.

But here comes the tricky part. I can see no other way out to get employment. I chose all wrong subjects in my school/ college. I never knew what i wanted.
So i guess i just chose mindlessly.
My ocd was really bad at the time so i was never really making conscious choices , i was mostly living in an auto pilot mode.
Now today when i see no other career path except the ones i don't like , i feel so anxious. It is late now and i can't go back.
I am trying so hard to think logically but..I know i will be making a mistake if i join the course. I know in my heart that it is not for me. But i need some job and my degree leads me into teaching field.

 

[Phoenixx]

^^ @Phoenixx:

I too want to leave this place. I am bored of living here. I also know that my health is a big issue and i just can't leave this place and settle in some other place. I feel afraid deep down.

^ Yeah my brother and his girlfriend, more than once, have asked me before if I'd like to live out to Michigan with them for a year just to try something new and look for a job out there. It's a welcoming opportunity, one I'd love to do, but unfortunately my health has me tied here at the moment. Need to tackle what issues I'm currently working on first before I start running off to other places more permanently.

Don't worry though, we'll eventually find a way to pursue other travels. I'm sure of it.

 

[Lou-s-Darkness]

^ That's horrible Anomie

 

[LoyalXenite]

Heartbroken.

Heartbreak is one of the most painful things to endure. Hope it gets easier on you soon

 

[Srijita52]

Heartbroken.

Same here. Sorry you're going through this.

 

[Kiwong]

My new manager has reacted angrily to my anxiety. If this turns into more misreprentation of me in this office I will look into lodging a grievance.

 

[MikeyC]

Pretty lonely tonight. I wish I had a friend to hangout with. :/ I'd hangout with an acquaintance tomorrow, but he has classes all day.

On another note, I got to see my cousin one more time again today before he leaves for Japan tomorrow. I'm so glad I got to see him one more time, since I won't see him again for another couple years. Despite being away from his family so long, he does love being in the Navy. I'm actually pretty jealous he's gone to all these places so far in the last few years. To be honest, if it wasn't for my health issues and my social anxiety, I probably would've gone into the military too, most likely for military technology. There's just so many experiences involved with it and so many places you get to go. That's mainly what I'm itching to do -- travel and immerse myself in so many experiences. Even though I'm a homebody here (Partly because I am kinda afraid to go to certain places by myself, but mainly because living in the middle of nowhere does nothing for me and it's boring.), if someone were to ask me tomorrow if I wanted to go on a roadtrip to somewhere new, I'd have my bags packed in a heartbeat. I just really want to leave. :sad:

You are always welcome to pack your bags and come to Australia.

I have my reasons why I will never, ever join the military, but those that do get some really good experiences and I'm sure it makes them more worldly, while also preparing them for life.

Your location doesn't help, either. I think you need to be in a city, with food and entertainment at your disposal.

I feel highly anxious. I am always bad at taking DECISIONS.
Whenever I have to take a crucial decision I waver like anything.
I can never make up my mind.

Similar situation now!!
I did give an exam and the result is out. It was for admission in a course that will make me qualify as a teacher.
Never in my life did i think that i will be a teacher.
Its something i just don't want.
I can't pinpoint exact reason for it. It simply don't want it.

But here comes the tricky part. I can see no other way out to get employment. I chose all wrong subjects in my school/ college. I never knew what i wanted.
So i guess i just chose mindlessly.
My ocd was really bad at the time so i was never really making conscious choices , i was mostly living in an auto pilot mode.
Now today when i see no other career path except the ones i don't like , i feel so anxious. It is late now and i can't go back.
I am trying so hard to think logically but..I know i will be making a mistake if i join the course. I know in my heart that it is not for me. But i need some job and my degree leads me into teaching field.

I'm sorry, springk. I hope you are able to choose something you like later. For now, maybe get into teaching and give it a crack. You may just enjoy it more than you think.

 

[Phoenixx]

You are always welcome to pack your bags and come to Australia.

I have my reasons why I will never, ever join the military, but those that do get some really good experiences and I'm sure it makes them more worldly, while also preparing them for life.

Your location doesn't help, either. I think you need to be in a city, with food and entertainment at your disposal.

^ Hey you, welcome back after ditching the internet for a couple of somebodies!

Australia is one of the top countries to travel to on my bucket list for sure. I know I need to be in the city, trust me I can't wait to get out of here. I really only have one more year before I'm back in college again, and so far Buffalo is looking like where I might end up.

 

[SoScared]

^ Yeah my brother and his girlfriend, more than once, have asked me before if I'd like to live out to Michigan with them for a year just to try something new and look for a job out there. It's a welcoming opportunity, one I'd love to do, but unfortunately my health has me tied here at the moment. Need to tackle what issues I'm currently working on first before I start running off to other places more permanently.

Don't worry though, we'll eventually find a way to pursue other travels. I'm sure of it.

In the meantime read On the Road by Jack Kerouac.

 

[springk]

Thanks Mickey. I know what you are saying is right, I should probably give it a try but i don't know, it is not what i feel like doing.It just seems like another mistake i have made all through my life.

Right now, I just feel like dying. God please take me away. I can't bear all this. I just want to sleep forever.