The day was going okay and then i don't know what has happened! There is this strange feeling, in my chest like well nothing is alright, i don't know how to say it but i feel so anxious sometimes that it seems out of control.
It is beyond my understanding. Why on earth do i get so anxious! I wish i can just turn off my brain. It is this feeling of emptiness i hate.
I'm feeling pretty down today. I knew I felt off today as soon as I woke up this morning, but I couldn't really pinpoint why until I started thinking about it. My brother and his girlfriend went back home today. I'm relieved he's gone, but I really wanted to spend more time with her. I didn't realize how much I've been craving social interaction and how lonely I've really been until this past weekend. I felt the same way the other day when I hung out with a cousin I've been talking to lately, as soon as we dropped her off back home I felt all depressed and lonely. I think I'm going to take some time off away from the internet and the computer in general for a little while. (Except for having to do homework) I've been doing the same thing everyday for over a month now and it's really starting to wear on me. Nothing on the internet is even satisfying or entertaining to me anymore. I really need a change of pace.
Damn. Today is just depressing. No one around... nothing to do but clean. Ordinarily I enjoy cleaning, but only when the general atmosphere of the house is nice and there are people up and about. Today the house is dead, sad, empty (but not literally), and I wish I had more friends so I could go escape with them. Maybe I'll go for a walk in the sunshine with some music...
Exhausted. Utterly exhausted. The visiting/having company thing for days is just about more than I can handle.
I feel pretty depressed about myself right now. I try to open up and do these things and, although I treat everyone with love and respect, I wish they were all gone. This feeling of being less than human surrounds me.
Now I have to find another cat-sitter and travel 150 miles tomorrow until Saturday. I can't take it anymore. Put on a happy face, wish I was somewhere else.
I guess I actually prefer my lonely, grief-stricken lifestyle compared to the busy, going places mode. It's easier, anyway. No matter how bad it gets at least the cat doesn't judge me.
The only money I have is for gas and I hope it's enough to make it!
I'm feeling pretty down today. I knew I felt off today as soon as I woke up this morning, but I couldn't really pinpoint why until I started thinking about it. My brother and his girlfriend went back home today. I'm relieved he's gone, but I really wanted to spend more time with her. I didn't realize how much I've been craving social interaction and how lonely I've really been until this past weekend. I felt the same way the other day when I hung out with a cousin I've been talking to lately, as soon as we dropped her off back home I felt all depressed and lonely. I think I'm going to take some time off away from the internet and the computer in general for a little while. (Except for having to do homework) I've been doing the same thing everyday for over a month now and it's really starting to wear on me. Nothing on the internet is even satisfying or entertaining to me anymore. I really need a change of pace.
Even introverts need social interaction, and I can understand loneliness because I remember you and her were friends.
If you can still hear me and you haven't left, go out there and talk to some people. 🙂 You will feel so much better.
It's kind of hard to feel motivated, energetic and positive when your head constantly feels foggy. There are other reasons I don't feel so peppy, but right now that is the main cause. I don't think going to the doctor is going to help either because they probably won't have a clue, and probably will just have to run a bunch of tests. But maybe I shouldn't assume, I'm not a doctor.
I also think I should avoid alcohol. I usually drink a few nights a week (1-2 drinks in a night) and it doesn't adversely affect me, but the past two nights it made me depressed. I had one drink one night and 2.5 last night and both times anything I thought about made me sad and I started to feel like everything was terrible and things would never get better. I think in conjunction with the head fog the alcohol is making me feel even worse.
I wish I know WHAT is going on with me, it's like I've mentally checked out, but not in a good or pleasant way! :sad:
It was really bizarre today. I told my brother about another person's aunt, which we both met before less than 6 years ago. I distinctly remember meeting her aunt at a mall and restaurant, and my brother was definitely there! However, my brother couldn't remember. To make things worse, he got angry and started cussing at me, calling me "f*face" and basically telling me I'm wrong. He told me the meetings never happened and my memory's faulty. Once he's firmly determined about something, he won't back down, and no amount of reasoning can change his mind. Knowing this, I decided to end the argument by telling him he could be right and saying I'm probably wrong. Thank God no violence ensued, I handled it peacefully, but at my own expense, again. Yes, I had to demean myself just to be able to achieve this. I know this is bullying, that I'm being bullied into submission, so 1 day I hope to be able to escape from this.
Most of the time I feel like I'm on this forum all by myself.
You're not worthless. And you're probably more exciting than you give yourself credit for. If you're feeling lonely, then you can always try starting a conversation with someone on here. We're nice enough to not get angry; a lot of us on here could use someone to talk to sometimes.
Most of the time I feel like I'm on this forum all by myself.
You are not boring. Well most of us feel that we are boring( there are exceptions of course) , the reason i feel is that we are too harsh on ourselves and lonely.
Yeah being on forum can feel lonely when you want it work for you and fill your loneliness but sadly online people cannot substitute the real life need for companionship.
I've been feeling like a mess lately. It suddenly occured to me today that I'm almost 20 but I hardly have any friends, I'm scared to do basic things most people have no problem with...meh I don't know, I should be out there and trying but this anxiety becomes too much sometimes.
I've been feeling like a mess lately. It suddenly occured to me today that I'm almost 20 but I hardly have any friends, I'm scared to do basic things most people have no problem with...meh I don't know, I should be out there and trying but this anxiety becomes too much sometimes.
I hear you, im 23 and i only have 2 friends in "real life" and 2 online.
Naff! Crappy. S**te! Like am a boring, boring, boring f**k! Happiness fur me doesnae seem tae last long, usually somebody ends up sayin' somethin' snide, sarcarcastic 'n' negative that they manage tae upset me. :sad: Which pretty leds tae a vicious circle of people or tae blunt, family members laughin' at me when am mad, and laugh at me when am not mad! :oh:
Frustratin' tae say the least, though ah think that might be what contributed tae ma continuin' struggle wi' selective mustism. Though, am no sure what more annoyin' - the fact everytime ah try n' be assertive endin' in failure. Or the way am treated like am stupid, dumb n' retarded. :thinking: Indecisive much?
Naff! Crappy. S**te! Like am a boring, boring, boring f**k! Happiness fur me doesnae seem tae last long, usually somebody ends up sayin' somethin' snide, sarcarcastic 'n' negative that they manage tae upset me. :sad: Which pretty leds tae a vicious circle of people or tae blunt, family members laughin' at me when am mad, and laugh at me when am not mad! :oh:
Frustratin' tae say the least, though ah think that might be what contributed tae ma continuin' struggle wi' selective mustism. Though, am no sure what more annoyin' - the fact everytime ah try n' be assertive endin' in failure. Or the way am treated like am stupid, dumb n' retarded. :thinking: Indecisive much?
I can relate, its definitely frustrating to no end. I'm sorry you have to constantly live in such situation.
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