I have social anxiety, becuase I can't fit in. I have Asperger's Syndrome, a high fuctioning level of Autism. I may look normal, but lack proper social/communication skills.
Girls is one of biggest weaknesses. I've tried for over 10 years to make friends with them, and I can't. The problem is they judge me, by first look. If they see me look at them, they judge me, if they don't I am usually invisable to them. They jduge me like a parasite/pretend I don't exist. Many girls, it is quite obvious, they don't like me, becuase of their bad facial expressions. I'm not exagerating, like a lot of people do. One of my gifts is that I can tell who is genuine and who is not. It is rare that I find someone who is. Most girls don't have my type of personality. They rather get drunk and party all the time. I'm not like that. Most girls, think they are better and don't give a crap to anyone who is lower then thy are, by looks and stuff.
I want a girl who is like me: Genuine, understanding, accepts people for who thy are. Someone who has a childlike personality and can be a little mischevious at tims, in a fun way. Someone who is outging and loves exploring and going on adventures, into trying new things. Someone with a fun personality and know show to have a good time without alchohol, drugs etc. Someone who is a Naturist. Natruism is a big thing for me, becuas I despise clothes.
I want someone who is like a best friend and knows me like a sibling, someone who is there for me, and to look out for me. I would be the same for her. The problem is that, this girl does not exist. Girls don't like guys that need a lot of attention. I'm not like most people. I like to be outging, going on adventures, exploring and driving etc. I'm not into getting drunk and partying.
I've tried sites like Plenty Of Fish and OKCupid for years and got nothing. I have sent hundreds of messages and onyl got a few replies that haven't went anywhere. I found out, that it wasn't just me, most guys have the same problems, even guys that are really good looking. I went on a few sites where many guys have the exact same problem. The problem is that, most girls are bombarded with messages from guys, so they are very picky of who they choose. Other girls, are so (place correct word here) in their profile. You won't believe what thy say, becuase they are so picky. Dating fites is great for women, but sucks for guys.
The main reason why I can't have a girlfriend is becuase I have a curse, which keeps me from being successful. The only thing I have been successful at is fineshing school and getting my drivers license and have a car.
My curse is a misery curse. I don't know what kind, I'm not that smart of curses. I don't even know why I have it. I never used to believe in them, until, a few years, I started piecing it together, how so many things are just a coincidence. Things just happen at the right (wrong) time.
It is pretty predictable, given any scenario, I can predict the outcome.
The curse, has a way of making me miserable, no matter what. If I try to become successful at something, it all ways goes wrong, whether I think it or not, whether I'm positive or not. If I get close to someone, something always happens, like they move away or something.
The curse isn't dangerous and only effects me. I try to maje a new friend, never works out, for some reason or another, they end up hating me, thinking I'm a freak or something. I'm left there thinking, what did I do wrong? Porbably explains why a lot of girls judge me on first look. THe curse sends them a message, they get the feeling, that I'm a creep or weirdo and not someone they want to hang out with. No matter what.
When the curse is up to something, I can usually sense it. I've gone through a lot of ambarresing moments, which I wish not to discuss.
Things just happen for no reason, and always at the right time too. Like I'll be typing something really important, and my Fox will crash. It never crashes any other time. Something that is important to me, it intervenes, nothing I can do about it.
There is so many coincidence, like my speech acting up when I try to explain something, every time. I only get 10% of the information out, and it ends up being vague. I try to explain something, Something happens, someone misunderstands what I say, they often laugh and reticule me. There is always something. I don't have a big vocabulary so I lake the proper words to say what I want to say properly. I also get brain fog. I always notice, that when I'm in high spirits. Something ALWAYS happens soon enough. Something embarrassing or upsetting. I hate it when you're in a really good mood, then BAM! Something happens in a split second, your mood is the opposite.
Sometimes, things mysteriously happen without a reasonable explanation. It's hard to prove. Most curses are very good at what they do.
Here's a good one!
I get canker sores on my tongue, usually 1-2 times a year. Anyway. It took me a few years after high school to be ready for a job. As soon as I'm ready for a job. I get canker sores, like nothing. I get one days apart. These canker sores I get are extremely painful and miserable. I can't get a job because of them. I get a few a month, they last a bout a week or two, when it gets better, another comes in a couple of days later. It's been like that ever since December 2010, when I was finally ready for a job. I can't work, because I require so much time off. I could barely work. The pain is paralysing. It brings tears to my eyes.
I go to the doctor and a few specialists. They don't have an answer. Nothing I did differently to make the canker sores go so rapid.
Every time I try to communicate with someone, my speech acts up, where I don't make sense, sometime I make up my own words. I have a Brain Processing Disorder. Something I made up. It's when the brain signals get mixed and your speech and stuff don't work as good. It;s most noticeably when trying to explain something. When I try to make friends. They end up hating me, soon enough. I did nothing to upset them, but they just sense that I'm not someone they should talk to. I wonder where that came from? The curse. You know how you get a feeling out of no where, even though they have done nothing wrong. Yep, the curse. Every time too!
The only thing I've been successful is getting my drivers license, I have a car, and I'm usually good at fixing computers (as long as nothing mysteriously happens to them.
Another example. I bought an external HDD. After I copied all my data too it and the next time I turned it on. Guess what! The disk partition could not be found. Everything had been erased because the table is just gone. I never had that problem before. Lost a crap load of stuff.
It wasn't just the HDD, it ad to do with the external HDD enclosure. How do you explain that? I couldn't. Neither could a few specialists I've talked to, couldn't figure it out. The disk wouldn't even properly format. I had to put my Dad's HDD in the external HDD enclosure, which that one was all I had at the time. I put it in. Same thing happens to my Dad's computer. His business computer. Lost all his emails, documents and stuff. Now he makes sure to have a backup.
I can't have a girlfriend, even a friend because of the curse. I am just meant to be miserable. I've tried everything. No matter what, it ends up in failure.This has been years.
I made up a thing to see how many people would still have a relationship if they knew me:
Forever With Autism: Would You Date Or Have A Relationship With A Guy Like This?
It is so awful, the stuff I go through.
I hope some of this makes sense.
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