Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

SoScared

Well-known member
Had a really hard mental day yesterday. I'm still reeling from it. I honestly wish I had my therapist appt this week. Because at this point I feel like my therapist is the only one who actually cares about how I'm feeling. I know I have support, but for once in my life I'd love it if someone I knew would just freaking message me or call me saying "I'm sorry you're struggling" or something similar. Is it selfish or childish to want sympathy? I feel like not a single soul understands how I feel or what I go through.
Same as but i have a mentor not a therapist.
 
Had a really hard mental day yesterday. I'm still reeling from it. I honestly wish I had my therapist appt this week. Because at this point I feel like my therapist is the only one who actually cares about how I'm feeling. I know I have support, but for once in my life I'd love it if someone I knew would just freaking message me or call me saying "I'm sorry you're struggling" or something similar. Is it selfish or childish to want sympathy? I feel like not a single soul understands how I feel or what I go through.
I have found that, with everything in life, the less I need to depend on others the happier I am. This is true regarding everything from sympathy and understanding to the ability obtain food or clean my butthole (as this most recent fiasco of humanity has reminded me).

If another person affects my emotions in a positive way I think of it as a bonus.
 
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I'm at a place in my life where I know I need to do things differently yet I continue to do things the same. I think if I had to attribute a greatest weakness to myself, it would be that. When I succeed at addressing that weakness is usually when my life is at its fullest. When I fail, the opposite tends to be true.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Therapy was good today, but I'm not sure if I got all of what I wanted out of it. I tried to explain my obsessing. I tend to obsess about my problems a lot. Especially if it's interfering with my life, which the whole looking for work thing currently is. Yesterday I felt so horrible, partly because job searching is ripping me apart. Even with things in my area starting to reopen, there's nothing out there for my field. The only position I found that I thought I was qualified for* was at a local nursing facility. I spent 3 hours on my cover letter alone, 1 hour researching the company to gain whatever information I could to see if I would even want to work there and what it's like, spent nearly 1 hour on the application, then spent another hour trying to email management and get answers after having issues with the website where the job application was. Then after that fiasco I spent the entire day a mess over how stupid everything was, how unprofessional I felt over the whole thing (although looking back I did do the right thing), and how I feel like I'm never going to wind up working in my field under someone else and I'm going to have to literally make my own path.
(*Side note: After all that bullshit I went through the job that I thought I was qualified for and applied for wasn't even correctly labeled. -_- Meaning the company advertised a position that wasn't even the correct position they had available, so I was "overqualified" for said position and apologized for the confusion. *face palm*)

I literally wasted nearly a whole day over one single job application, to the point where I forgot to feed my cat and do anything else around the house. My therapist didn't even seem worried about this. She tried to relate to me how we get to competing within ourselves and trying to please ourselves, and how that can really mess with us and that I just need to literally stop myself from thinking about it. She thinks my higher standards came about when I was a child. She's not wrong, I know they are. But I feel like maybe there's something more here than just depression and anxiety. I wasn't able to get to that last statement. I did ask why exactly do I react the way that I do. She just said it's the way my brain is wired and past experiences influenced that. I'm sure they have, but I just feel like something's missing. Higher standards being forced on me as a child doesn't totally explain when I have a problem it's the only thing I think about for hours and sometimes days on end that I literally can't control and I wind up neglecting everything else in my life. I also tried explaining this that I cannot control what goes on in my head sometimes. It just is. I don't think she understood me though.
 
I will never understand my own country or the region I live in for making everything into a god damn political debate. :rolleyes: Wear a mask to protect other people? THAT'S THE GOVERNMENT TRYING TO CONTROL ME! Coronavirus? YOU MEAN THE MADE-UP ILLNESS FROM CHINA THAT THEY RELEASED HERE?! IT WAS INVENTED IN A WUHAN LAB, DON'T YOU KNOW???

Fucking Facebook, I swear...
 
I wonder if people get emails when someone @'s them. Like, if I say " @BlueDays is the best I wonder where she's been" would she get an email and then pop in to say "Oh, sorry I've been busy. I had to slay two dragons last week. Australia is crazy!"

If so, I think I'd like to @ people more often. I think I'd just @ everyone. Like who else is slaying dragons? This plan runs into a bit of a snag though, because there isn't a master members list like there was on the old forum, or not one I can find. Only the members with the most posts, likes, the mods, and today's birthdays are listed. I could do it if it was the old forum, except I'm not sure that even had an @ feature. It's a bit of a no win situation. All I want to do is bombard old forum members with mentions until SPW is super active with a bunch of people complaining about how vj won't stop mentioning them in posts. Is that so much to ask?
 
I wonder if people get emails when someone @'s them. Like, if I say " @BlueDays is the best I wonder where she's been" would she get an email and then pop in to say "Oh, sorry I've been busy. I had to slay two dragons last week. Australia is crazy!"

If so, I think I'd like to @ people more often. I think I'd just @ everyone. Like who else is slaying dragons? This plan runs into a bit of a snag though, because there isn't a master members list like there was on the old forum, or not one I can find. Only the members with the most posts, likes, the mods, and today's birthdays are listed. I could do it if it was the old forum, except I'm not sure that even had an @ feature. It's a bit of a no win situation. All I want to do is bombard old forum members with mentions until SPW is super active with a bunch of people complaining about how vj won't stop mentioning them in posts. Is that so much to ask?
My browser completes the name when I tag someone, for instance when I started typing Graeme it popped-up as Graeme1988.

@Graeme1988

But when I tagged @BlueDays, hers didn't come up. Wasn't she MandyMouse or something at one point though? Maybe if you changed your name at some point it doesn't work.

@NathanielWingatePeaslee
 
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