Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

[neurotic-to-the-bone]

Therapy didn't really go the way I wanted it to today. My therapist tends to get off track from the subject at hand. For example, she asked me what I typically do in a day. I told her my morning routine, and when I mentioned that in the morning I watch either Netflix or Youtube while I eat breakfast, she started asking me what I like to watch and what kind of shows I've been watching, but then she started talking to me about what she likes to watch. This is a common theme in these appointments. She's a nice lady, don't get me wrong, but I don't understand how that has anything to do with why I'm here. Some appointments I feel like our talks turn into conversation I'd have with someone I just met I'm trying to get to know. Is that what she's doing here? Trying to get to know me? Not trying to get to know my problems? I'm a little confused. But regardless, I have been trying to redirect conversations back to me and did manage to tell her that I wanted more appointments and that I admitted I haven't been that thorough with things and I need to talk about subjects I've been avoiding which explain a lot about how I am. She was fine with that, basically told me to write down two major things that need attention, and I go back to see her in two weeks. She at least gave me a book recommendation to check out. I've never been one to look at self-help books, but this one seems interesting.

I've had the same experience with therapy where it feels like it lacks a sense of direction even though I was clear with my objective from the start. I would just talk about whatever was on my mind that day and it just felt like a place to vent. That can feel nice for the moment but it doesn't offer anything sustainable which is why I stopped going. Also unless it's private practice therapists here only offer CBT which I have tried and it's not a treatment that works for me.

 

[Phoenixx]

Not sure what to do with myself today. It's so muggy already this morning, I feel gross. I was thinking about going out to shop for new shorts, but still undecided if I want to go or not.

 

[Miserum]

Okay, so COVID is ongoing. Global daily infections have surpassed the quarter-million mark. The US's handling of this thing is offensive. Trump is an absolute moron going against the US's top medical advisor.

The Southern states are hotbeds of ignorance that should be nuked this very instant.

The leader of Brazil is also a complete fucking idiot, and in a moment of ironic hilarity, has contracted COVID.

I mean, good fucking God. I truly cannot understand what is going through the minds of some of our politicians and populations at large.

Is the solution to the spread of COVID that difficult to comprehend? Close everything that is not a utility or necessary to life. Even grocery stores should be temporarily shuttered; have people not heard of pre-packaged goods? National freaking lockdowns, backed up by the military, everywhere. Stay the fuck inside. For a month or two. It's not that long. Get acquainted with the fucking internet, board games, video conferencing, movies, books, exercise. There are ways to stay entertained that don't involve direct contact with other people.

Okay, the economy might hurt a little with a two month void in place. How much worse would that be, though, than picking at a wound so it never heals, I wonder?

Of course, this is all wishful thinking. The idiocy and/or ignorance of a large portion of the human population would never allow such sanity.

And of course, it's a more complex situation than I'm making it out to be, but Jesus, we could be doing a hell of a lot better job than we are currently doing.

The only one that's seemed to figure it out already, to some extent, is China. A military presence and boots on the ground. Actual shutdowns that are enforced. Now they've got COVID under control. At least much better than the rest of the world.

BuT MAh FrEeDUM, these idiots will say.

I hYavE the RIghT to ECKsPreSs MAH AUhToNOMy !

WaT AboUT hOuR DEMoCrACy???

What about your common fucking sense?

What about your inability to handle a tiny bit of adversity?

What about your reckless, lazy thinking and affinity for miseducation?

What about your ability to not be a selfish asshole?

 

[Phoenixx]

I mean, good fucking God. I truly cannot understand what is going through the minds of some of our politicians and populations at large.

I want to say I have hope for our country, but at the same time I don't. I mean, something's gotta change sometime soon - I'd like to think anyways. Especially once the previous generations are gone, there may be a good chance for a decent change to come, and I can only hope I live long enough to see it. Yet then again, even with my generation and others to come there will still be an amount of ignorance to try to prevent any good from happening as long as THEY get what THEY want and screw anyone else who thinks otherwise. There is an article I read yesterday that pretty much sums up everything you said and then some. It was a really good read and I think you'll like it: How The American Idiot Made America Unlivable

Quite honestly I am so over the American stupidity that if it wasn't for the fact we enjoy being closer to family and friends and spending time with them, I think my other half and I would up and leave to Canada or something. However, I also feel indebted to at least try to make a difference here while I still can, however I can.

 

[Miserum]

There is an article I read yesterday that pretty much sums up everything you said and then some. It was a really good read and I think you'll like it: How The American Idiot Made America Unlivable

Really an amazing article. I read some of the author's other material as well. Really thoughtful stuff. I got a bit riled up reading it. Thank you for sharing it with me.

I've felt the culture of hate, brutality, and dog-eat-dogness floating around me for most of my life that the author speaks of, without really understanding what it was... just that it was bad, and felt wrong. It's a taste in the air, as the author similarly put it. You mean to tell me that's not the inherent nature of human society and that other societies exist where this atmosphere does not pervade? I am genuinely shocked.

Hard to see outside of a bubble when you are currently inside it.

I approach any extreme view with a certain skepticism. And the article certainly feels extreme to me. Yet, it has given me much food for thought.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Now when I wake-up with racing thoughts I just fire-up the coffee pot.

“We'd be fools not to ride this strange torpedo all the way out to the end.” XD

 

[Phoenixx]

I started selling some stuff on ebay because I want to start earning some money to set aside for either a new computer or a camera to start photography with. Haven't decided which to purchase first yet. I've never sold anything on ebay before, although I've done about 3 weeks of freaking research just so I know what to expect and what I'm doing. It's still intimidating to me, so I'm starting out with smaller items to see how the process goes, in case something goes wrong then I won't risk losing much of anything. I was hoping to earn more this way vs selling on FB Marketplace, not to mention I also really didn't want to physically meet up with people to sell items since people flake so easily and can be ignorant of your time.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

This is the first night Gus didn't post-up on my side of the bed in three days. It's nice to have my spot back. XD

 

[theoutsider]

I started selling some stuff on ebay because I want to start earning some money to set aside for either a new computer or a camera to start photography with. Haven't decided which to purchase first yet. I've never sold anything on ebay before, although I've done about 3 weeks of freaking research just so I know what to expect and what I'm doing. It's still intimidating to me, so I'm starting out with smaller items to see how the process goes, in case something goes wrong then I won't risk losing much of anything. I was hoping to earn more this way vs selling on FB Marketplace, not to mention I also really didn't want to physically meet up with people to sell items since people flake so easily and can be ignorant of your time.

Ebay is pretty easy and user friendly so long as you sell quality products. If not, they will leave negative feedback which could harm your chances of selling in the future. I've been selling on there for years, off an on. Please let me know if you have any questions about it.

 

[Phoenixx]

Ebay is pretty easy and user friendly so long as you sell quality products. If not, they will leave negative feedback which could harm your chances of selling in the future. I've been selling on there for years, off an on. Please let me know if you have any questions about it.

It seems pretty easy, but I was going to say the opposite about it being entirely user friendly lol. I was having a hard time trying to track everything to research, as I find the UI a little bit of an eyesore and hard to read (or maybe it's just my shitty eyesight), but I think I'm already getting the gist of it down. Or at least I already caught one mistake I made. Accidentally input the wrong weight on one product - a textbook - and wound up overpaying for shipping on my end. (I was 1 lb off) It's all good though, because I did bump the selling price slightly when posting in case I had to pay more than expected for shipping.

 

[Phoenixx]

We randomly visited with my husband's brother today while we were out, since we hadn't seen them in a while. My nephew really wanted to play a game with me, so he tried to show me how to play a new card game he got. I read through the instructions too, since he's 6 and 6 year old's don't explain things very well obviously. He thought he was being slick playing a game with me I've never played before because he tried cheating quite a few times partway through, although he had a very good strong beginning without cheating. I had a feeling he would do this, and it wasn't hard for me to catch onto the rules of the game, so I saved up some "power cards" I managed to get in the beginning, swept the floor with all of them, and obtained all the other cards he had "won" prior and I beat him. The look on his face was priceless. He's a good sport, he laughed about it. But now maybe he'll think twice before trying to fool me and trying to cheat his way through a game.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I set my phone to silent when I lay down most times and there's nothing better than waking up to no find no missed calls.

 

[vj288]

I generally don't like pity or being handled overly gentle or in a patronizing way. I think this is in part due to pride, in that I don't like the idea of being treated or seen as incapable of doing things. I want to be held to the same standard as everyone else, regardless of any personal obstacles I have.

Outside of pride, I had forgotten how enabling it could be until recently. I saw my Grandmother, who is from the previous generation that did not even consider hand-holding a grown man through anything. So when I was at her house doing some cleaning for her I took a break so we could eat, and when it came to ordering the food she just handed me the phone and said "I have to do something real quick" and walked away. I cannot think of the last time I put in an order for food over the phone, it may have been as far back as 2014. I don't order food much anyway, but when I do I can usually avoid it by doing it online or having someone else do it. And while it's something that can unnerve me, it's something I am definitely capable of doing, and I ordered the food just fine.

As much as I had an initial feeling of anxiety when handed the phone, I felt so refreshed to be treated like a person who can just make a phone call comfortably. Being handled so gently by everyone else in my life drives me crazy. And worse, it's enabling. I am already a pro at avoiding things, people patting me on the head and telling me I don't have to only makes it harder to not avoid.

I'm not going to sit here and pretend my avoidance is everyone else's fault, most of the responsibility lies squarely on me. Lately I have been trying to take steps to better function as an adult, which made making that phone call all the more simple as I had the correct mentality when doing it. It's just a lot things are more of a struggle for me, and it's frustrating when someone takes the opportunity away. It's like trying to lift something heavy and then having someone stronger come and grab it with ease and carry it for you. I'd much rather struggle with the heavy thing than have other people carry it for me.

 

[Miserum]

I generally don't like pity or being handled overly gentle or in a patronizing way. I think this is in part due to pride, in that I don't like the idea of being treated or seen as incapable of doing things. I want to be held to the same standard as everyone else, regardless of any personal obstacles I have.

Outside of pride, I had forgotten how enabling it could be until recently. I saw my Grandmother, who is from the previous generation that did not even consider hand-holding a grown man through anything. So when I was at her house doing some cleaning for her I took a break so we could eat, and when it came to ordering the food she just handed me the phone and said "I have to do something real quick" and walked away. I cannot think of the last time I put in an order for food over the phone, it may have been as far back as 2014. I don't order food much anyway, but when I do I can usually avoid it by doing it online or having someone else do it. And while it's something that can unnerve me, it's something I am definitely capable of doing, and I ordered the food just fine.

As much as I had an initial feeling of anxiety when handed the phone, I felt so refreshed to be treated like a person who can just make a phone call comfortably. Being handled so gently by everyone else in my life drives me crazy. And worse, it's enabling. I am already a pro at avoiding things, people patting me on the head and telling me I don't have to only makes it harder to not avoid.

I'm not going to sit here and pretend my avoidance is everyone else's fault, most of the responsibility lies squarely on me. Lately I have been trying to take steps to better function as an adult, which made making that phone call all the more simple as I had the correct mentality when doing it. It's just a lot things are more of a struggle for me, and it's frustrating when someone takes the opportunity away. It's like trying to lift something heavy and then having someone stronger come and grab it with ease and carry it for you. I'd much rather struggle with the heavy thing than have other people carry it for me.

I think struggle is an undervalued tool for growth. It's great for developing character and guts when approached with a learning and betterment mentality, imo. Congrats on the successful order.

 

[Phoenixx]

I think struggle is an undervalued tool for growth. It's great for developing character and guts when approached with a learning and betterment mentality, imo. Congrats on the successful order.

So much this, but also struggle needs to come with a positive accomplished goal in order to be considered growth too, imo. If one just struggles constantly without any aid towards what needs to be achieved for good growth, then it can really hurt a person rather than help. I've been on both sides. This year is a positive struggle for me, although it definitely hasn't been fun and sometimes it's hard for me to think of it as a good thing, but I know deep down I needed this struggle. It has really opened my eyes to some realities and is further helping me figure myself out as a person and what I want to do in life, even if I feel a bit lost most of the time.

 

[Phoenixx]

*logs into SPW and sees 15 notifications*
"Woah that's a lot. What's up with that?"
*vj288 liked [all these posts] and replied to [xxx]"
*Oh he finally showed up."

 

[FountainandFairfax]

*logs into SPW and sees 15 notifications*
"Woah that's a lot. What's up with that?"
*vj288 liked [all these posts] and replied to [xxx]"
*Oh he finally showed up."

Same!

 

[Miserum]

So much this, but also struggle needs to come with a positive accomplished goal in order to be considered growth too, imo. If one just struggles constantly without any aid towards what needs to be achieved for good growth, then it can really hurt a person rather than help. I've been on both sides. This year is a positive struggle for me, although it definitely hasn't been fun and sometimes it's hard for me to think of it as a good thing, but I know deep down I needed this struggle. It has really opened my eyes to some realities and is further helping me figure myself out as a person and what I want to do in life, even if I feel a bit lost most of the time.

Definitely agree with you there. Struggle without accomplishment (whether it be through lessons learned or some more tangible aspect, like getting an A on a test) is just struggle, period.

I try to approach anything challenging with the "what I can learn here" or "how will this benefit me" mentality, so as to ensure that I will take at least something away from the struggle. And I love doing that because I feel like I am constantly surpassing obstacles in my way and fulfilling my "human potential" so to speak.

But for a long time I simply struggled and said "Why me?" or blamed others for my shitty life. Totally sad way of going about life. It's a hard habit to break. I won't pretend like I still don't think that way sometimes.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I've always envied and admired the comfortably weird.

 

[Miserum]

I've always envied and admired the comfortably weird.

Yeah, totally! People that completely embrace their weirdness. I don't get it. Seems like they are just unabashedly being themselves. And that's really cool (unless they are a Nazi).

I guess I'm always afraid of being mocked or made to feel like an idiot if I do that. Sucks.