I wish I had a friend whom I could talk to at the end of the day when I'm feeling worthless or depressed. Whom I could share my feelings with, who wouldn't tell me to grow up or stop whining or change the topic into something more positive or happy, just listen to what I have to say and be there for me. Not realistic I know.
Why didn't you believe me? I wasn't going to hurt you. I actually do care about you. Its not a crime to care about someone. Sometimes a person can genuinely wish the best for a person and be concerned for someone without there being an ulterior motive. I guess liking you and just wanting to talk to you made me a bad person in your eyes, made me a liar? Why didn't you give me a reason? Why couldn't you have told me the truth? I don't understand how you could just up and leave and then act like nothing happened. Did I do something to offend you? Do you just hate me? Once again I'm left out in the dark, caring for someone who will never care about me, and it hurts. This always happens. I should be used to it, but this made me realize that I'm not. If you wanted to hurt me, congratulations, it worked.
I am so happy that I met you, but I am afraid that my social awkwardness will put you off eventually. You keep me from continuing my downward spiral of negative thoughts and nobody else has been able to do that.
You are a truly amazing person, despite what you think you could never be a burden to me, you help me to become a better person. I believe you have an amazing future ahead of you, i know you will succeed in your life and i'm always here to back you up and encourage you. I love you, it makes me nervous but it's true. Thanks for being there for me and believing in me when no one else did.
I love you, but you are dismissive of how I really feel deep down inside. You think because I have no job, I have no right to be depressed and struggling. I put on façade of normalcy to you to keep the peace, but inside I feel soulless and that you never gave me the emotional support I needed growing up.
You'll never know how hard it was to hurt you. To make the choice I did. How it killed me to inflict that pain on you. But to do otherwise, even out if a well intended but misguided sense of sparing you, would not have been fair to you. You wouldn't have grown if you stayed with me, and you have to. To survive. Our situation was too much and I just couldn't do it anymore. I still care about you, and I know I'll never tell you that. It would be little comfort and we've come too far to go back. That and to be honest, your people hated me. They never gave me a fair chance from day one. And that's a toxic situation I'm not willing to go back to. I'm sorry. And I wish you the best, and hoping you find peace and the help you need. And I hope I do too. I'm sorry.
Ah git the feelin' that ye wouldnae like or talk tae me anymair if ah telt you what ah actually think uh you. Let jist say, you might think highly of me but ah dinnae think the some of you - sorry sis. If ah hud ma way, ah'd rather not be around you, and would've cut contact wi' you not long after ah did the same tae ma dad. You're such an arrogant, self-absorbed person - ironically, just like ma dad as well. Always got tae huv things you way... But then, yer so convinced yer right there's nae point expressing ma opinion of you.
We've been over this before, you lunatics. You know damned well I have liability insurance—way more than you require and way more than this dump is worth. I will not be participating in or paying for your stupid "indemnity program"—not now, not ever—so stop trying to enroll me in it. I understand how desperately you crave the last drop of blood in my withering corpse, you rapacious vultures, but you're not going to get it. You gouge me enough already. Piss off!!! :veryangry:
I can't tell people that for reasons unknown, I believe I am a bad person. That I believe I deserve misery and punishment. That I don't believe I deserve anything good. That I've been wrecking my body and slowly killing myself with all these negative beliefs and thoughts, anxiety, depression, and tons of stress. That don't believe anyone cares. That I don't believe I could ever have any friends long term due to not being happy enough and therefore don't even try. That I am miserable, feel terrible, and wish I could do everything over.