My life would be better if I had a girlfriend

[sullyS25]

Does anyone believe this is true? For straight females it would obviously be boyfriend instead of girlfriend. I only ask because I see a pattern in a lot of posts that has led me to believe that people think that their problems would go away if they had a partner.

I just want people to know that this is not the case at all. In my experience, all my insecurities have been magnified since getting in a relationship. Nothing outside of myself can make me feel better about myself. That has been my experience.

 

[Remus]

Makes no difference to SA. In a bad relationship it can make it even worse. Then there's the danger of becoming dependant if a relationship does empower you in some way.

 

[Kiwong]

My life would be better if I lived in the wilderness surrounded by nature. My probelms are maginifed when I am around people.

 

[KiaKaha]

I don't think it would make problems go away - depending on ones temperament or disposition, it may even exacerbate it. I do think that it would make a person happier though if they desired companionship or an intimate relationship with another person.
Most of us want to pair up eventually.

 

[Agent_Violet]

nope.having a partner does not make things easier and it doesn't make things go away.

The issues make you a more clingy,more needy,and more dependent partner which may actually harm a relationship bc it puts an unreasonable amount of responsibility on the person you're dating.

 

[bcsr]

The issues make you a more clingy,more needy,and more dependent partner which may actually harm a relationship bc it puts an unreasonable amount of responsibility on the person you're dating.

This is a definite possibility, people will stay in a bad relationship solely because they are dependent on the other person, and/or scared to be alone.

 

[DeLasDudasInfinitas]

I just want people to know that this is not the case at all. In my experience, all my insecurities have been magnified since getting in a relationship. Nothing outside of myself can make me feel better about myself. That has been my experience.

I agree with you. In my experience, to have a boyfriend is really difficult because sometimes your partner can't understand what happens to you and why you can't do things that for people are very simple but for me they're almost impossible. In my opinion to have a partner can be worse than to be alone.

 

[lilmutegirl]

Does anyone believe this is true? For straight females it would obviously be boyfriend instead of girlfriend. I only ask because I see a pattern in a lot of posts that has led me to believe that people think that their problems would go away if they had a partner.

I just want people to know that this is not the case at all. In my experience, all my insecurities have been magnified since getting in a relationship. Nothing outside of myself can make me feel better about myself. That has been my experience.

I agree completely! And, as most other posters pointed out, people with SA can be very insecure and codependent. In a bad relationship (of any kind-relative, friend, or romantic partner), your issues can be worsened, due to abuse or lack of support. However, a good relationship will not fix your problems.

I have had two very bad relationships, and now that I don't deal with these people as much (I have to see my ex-husband because of our kid), my anxiety in general has lessened. I also happen to be in a very good relationship with someone who's very supportive and helps me a lot (by babysitting my son so I can go to school and work). Between getting divorced and meeting my boyfriend, I was doing okay, though.

 

[Ithior]

I don't have any experience but I think that if I had a relationship with someone then that would mean that I managed to open up to that person. If I did so then such person would be aware of my own problems and would try to help. It wouldn't be a cure, but I think it could help me. I know it depends a lot on the personality of the other person but I'm also very picky with this. I don't mean to rely on this person to get better, but I think she could give me a little push so I face my problems.

Then again, the same result could probably be achieved through a friendship.

 

[Silatuyok]

I think it depends on the relationship. Relationship are hard, and SA makes them harder, yes, but a good relationship can make SA easier to bear.

 

[MollyBeGood]

My life would be better if I had........insert word/words here.

 

[Marc7]

Um you have to love yourself first before getting a girlfriend.

 

[sullyS25]

Um you have to love yourself first before getting a girlfriend.

ummm I suggest you read the post and you will realize that I was being sarcastic.

 

[kotulakj2]

I will say this though, I'm an introvert who is quiet and I just don't feel the need and once in a blue moon go out with friends because I value my independence. However I will say this I would consider myself a little more willing to go out more often if I had a girlfriend because a girl you love, a friend is just mere companionship. You can love friends, but my girlfriend and family would certainly be more important to me. However even though I would be willing to go out more if I had a girlfriend, social awkwardness that I have will have women grow tired of me and not want to see me anymore. I mean there is a girl that wants to go out with me on OkCupid.com and I would like to go out with her as well, but I don't think it's worth it because even if I can socialize even decently for the first date long term it won't last long term and it won't fly with this girl because she mentioned in one of her answers to her personality questions that should could not date someone who was really quiet. My only hope right now is another girl I messaged yesterday will respond to me and show interest in me because she mentioned in one of the personality questions that she is willing to date someone very quiet. I mean it certainly would take a load off my mind when it comes to socializing if she showed interest in me. I mean would I socialize more if I was in a relationship? Probably not a lot more than now, but if nothing else I'll be at peace at mind to know I'm not going to be penalized for being quiet like I will if I decide to go out with the girl that is currently showing interest in me. And who knows with the pressure off to socialize maybe I will socialize better than I think. Obviously I kind of stretched the truth a bit in my profile which is why the current girl is showing interest in me.

 

[Unspoken]

I never understood the fascination with it as a cure for anything. If you desire that kind of connection specifically I guess it's nice, but you wind up being around someone with high expectations of you who might also be quarrelsome, melodramatic, or manipulative - that's after you're done going on a few dates with new, totally strange people. Especially if it's not to an abusive extent you're probably going to wind up just tolerating any added stress, and that sounds like a recipe for an anxiety mess.

It seems better to spend yourself on friendships if you're struggling. They'll last longer and they're less demanding; no worries about breaking up due to not meeting their needs or needing to do this and that to make them happy. Just being friendly and supportive. I used to worry about relationships a lot until I developed more close friendships and started talking to family more, at which point I realized I can get the same thing minus sappy romance and sex for next to free and be talking to them years and years after a romantic interest has gone. I don't know how you can love something that's been there for six months and that might be gone in another six months more than you love something that's been there for six years and will probably be there for another six years at least.

 

[planemo]

I think for me having a girlfriend would just boost my self esteem immensely, since having a gf would break down the negative self image that i'm ugly, unworthy of companionship etc.

but i do value independence and to be honest i am kinda boring, so having someone who is privy to my habits and day to day functioning would more than likely bring about a lot of self consciousness and insecurity. which i don't have to deal with when single.

so i guess like most things there are pros and cons. it probably depends on the individual as to which way in more.

 

[fate12321]

truth is yea i feel you I actually had many oportunities to get a girl, usually they would come up to me but due to my shyness i ended up rejecting them usually over thinking the situation :kickingmyself:

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

My life would be better if I had........insert word/words here.

A nuclear submarine with an observation deck, a jacuzzi, and a full bar (preferably accessible from the jacuzzi which is also on the observation deck).

:thumbup:

 

[bcsr]

My life would be better if I had........insert word/words here.

A team of highly trained bears, equipped with cannons that launch piranhas.

 

[Richey]

depends on the basis of the relationship. for instance if one is placid and withdrawn and the other is needy and always has friends and other guys around them and she is flirty etc. then she will probably move on to someone else, evetually and will find the relationship restless and difficult.

if you have some connection that makes sense then the relationship will last longer. but i have found that females can move on quickly if they feel that can find someone better. it is very common these days, which probably says more about me then them.

i have learnt that if in fact you are just average at things the more likely it is that a relationship won't work. even dating sites sort of play up to this concept, that you can choose people from a menu and try people out, much like dating.

that isn't to say that there isn't the right partner out there.

so wrapping your head around rejection can be the hardest part, especially when you see couples that stay together for long periods. but then you look at those couples and most of the time they are both a well adjusted match that are normal, above normal, successful, above successful, they know they match up, if that makes sense.

you have to have average to good self esteem if you are going to be in a relationship, particularly for males. having low self esteem just doesn't work, unless you make up for it in appearance or if you have something about your personality that people naturally draw to.

i can certainly see how people are in relationships and how some people aren't. some people have genetic advantages or personality advantages.

i usually just assume as protocol that even if i become friends with a female that she most likely has interests in other people, someone better looking or more interesting, every single time, i also assume that for everywhere i go no matter who i talk to. that's just how i see it. most of the time i am right about it. once you become friends you find out that they do like these other (more confident) guys

so i just don't think about it anymore. what's the point? right? it isn't helpful to think about it, it won't change anything, much like worrying doesn't help. sort of like a crush is useless if you don't actually try and talk to that person.