My life would be better if I had a girlfriend

[Pacific_Loner]

I know almost everyone is saying that having a girlfriend/boyfriend will NOT help to be happier, but the first person I've been in a relationship with, we met at a time of my life where I just dropped out of school, was unemployed, disgusted by myself, cutting myself, drinking way too much, doing drugs, back from a failed suicide, looking for a more efficient way to succeed, and well... After we started dating, I got better.

So I guess it just really depends on the context and the protagonists.

 

[KiaKaha]

I know almost everyone is saying that having a girlfriend/boyfriend will NOT help to be happier, but the first person I've been in a relationship with, we met at a time of my life where I just dropped out of school, was unemployed, disgusted by myself, cutting myself, drinking way too much, doing drugs, back from a failed suicide, looking for a more efficient way to succeed, and well... After we started dating, I got better.

So I guess it just really depends on the context and the protagonists.

Well said.

 

[bcsr]

I know almost everyone is saying that having a girlfriend/boyfriend will NOT help to be happier, but the first person I've been in a relationship with, we met at a time of my life where I just dropped out of school, was unemployed, disgusted by myself, cutting myself, drinking way too much, doing drugs, back from a failed suicide, looking for a more efficient way to succeed, and well... After we started dating, I got better.

So I guess it just really depends on the context and the protagonists.

It can be positive, but the problem occurs when you are tying all of your self-worth to another person. What happens when the relationship ends? The fact is, the overwhelming majority of relationships fail. If you have to depend on someone else for *your* self-esteem, there is a problem.

 

[KiaKaha]

It can be positive, but the problem can occur when you are tying all of your self-worth to another person. What happens when the relationship ends?

In that case it's a problem - placing all of your dependency and self worth on to one other is not healthy, but I don't think that is what she is saying. Sometimes just meeting the right person can be healthy and bring forth a helpful positive experience. When two people meet - and they click - a complementary exchange takes place. But of course everything is contextual.

However - I will not place words in anyones mouth - that is how I see it.

 

[Marc7]

ummm I suggest you read the post and you will realize that I was being sarcastic.

sorry i skim through it, now that i read it i don't see the sarcastic words?

 

[Aron]

If I had a girlfriend some aspects of my life would be better, some would be worse perhaps, life's not a Hollywood movie. But in one thing I'm sure, I would be happy that I at least experienced what it's like to have a gf once in my life. What it's like to hold someone's hand. What it's like to love someone and to have someone who loves you.

And also what it's like when the time space continuum rips, because it sure as hell that will happen if I will have a gf.

 

[coyote]

i had a girlfriend once

tasted like chicken

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I know almost everyone is saying that having a girlfriend/boyfriend will NOT help to be happier, but the first person I've been in a relationship with, we met at a time of my life where I just dropped out of school, was unemployed, disgusted by myself, cutting myself, drinking way too much, doing drugs, back from a failed suicide, looking for a more efficient way to succeed, and well... After we started dating, I got better.

So I guess it just really depends on the context and the protagonists.

I agree. It really depends on the relationship. With the right girlfriend, I am happier however in a bad relationship, it makes everything worse. So it really depends on you and who you're with. Everyone is different.

 

[Pacific_Loner]

It can be positive, but the problem occurs when you are tying all of your self-worth to another person.

That's why I said it really just depends on the context and the protagonists

What happens when the relationship ends?

Some will cry alone in their bed for months, some will get wasted, some will stay at home for the rest of their life playing video games and thinking life sucks, some will cry alone in their bed for 2 days then go on with their life, some will just go on with their life thinking they will meet someone else... You know?

The fact is, the overwhelming majority of relationships fail.

It's not because it ends that it's a failure.

In that case it's a problem - placing all of your dependency and self worth on to one other is not healthy, but I don't think that is what she is saying. Sometimes just meeting the right person can be healthy and bring forth a helpful positive experience. When two people meet - and they click - a complementary exchange takes place. But of course everything is contextual.

However - I will not place words in anyones mouth - that is how I see it.

That's pretty much what I meant.

 

[psych]

I don't believe having a mate necessarily makes your life better... Rather, better yourself, then find a mate...
Take responsibility for your own happiness.
Because it doesn't take long for the shine to be off the apple... For the "honeymoon" phase of a relationship to be over. You can only ride that high for so long.

 

[megalon]

Better to have loved and lost... or so I'm told.:idontknow:

I'm not the type of person to just take someone's word for something. I have to try to find out for myself.

 

[AGR]

Better to have loved and lost... or so I'm told.:idontknow:

I'm not the type of person to just take someone's word for something. I have to try to find out for myself.

This,if it doesnt make me better or it doesnt make people better than why would they bother being in one?
I am not saying that bad ones dont exist,but the smart thing would be to move on and find one that makes you feel better,so yes I do find that if I had a girlfriend my life would be better.

 

[sullyS25]

sorry i skim through it, now that i read it i don't see the sarcastic words?

I apologize, I didn't mean sarcasm but I did mean that I didnt post this really believing that getting a girlfriend would make my life better. I named it like this because I feel like that is the mentality amongst a lot of fellow SA'ers based on all the posts of people that complain about never being able to get a girlfriend.

I currently do have a girlfriend and she is an amazing girl and we have a great relationship so far. That being said, all of my emotional and psychological problems were not solved as the result of finding a girlfriend. In fact, in the beginning my insecurities were magnified because I projected the way I feel about myself onto her and assumed she was thinking the same thus magnifying my insecurities and not magically removing them like some people on here think will happen if they find a partner.

In the end I think a good relationship can make me stronger because it forces me to face my insecurities and see them for what they really are which are illusions I made up in my head as the result of seeing the present through the eyes of my past.

 

[mikebird]

Yep. Always on the fence with this one.

It's hard to make the effort when nervous about approaching a girl, which I remember from my best days, which haunt me.

Gotta be ready for bad. Exactly the same from making any new friend or getting a boss to hire me. Nothing is a promise forever. I make the decision early. Worth trying or not.

Sorry! It's boring and basic. I am much more likely to get rejected than anyone accepting me

I don't mind if I use any machine and it fails. I fix it, or have to dispose of it and get a new one, or decide it's not worth having

 

[FeartheGreat]

See now, I have many problems in my life at the moment, one of them is with relationships. I haven't gotten into a "real life" relationship since grade 5, and I'm 23 now. As I look around and slowly start to see friends and family linking with others, I feel left out, miserable and alone. But I also refuse to just date anybody. They have to accept me for who I am. The good and the bad, or else it's just not going to last long. I want a meaningful relationship and not just some "dine and dash" bull.

 

[Klonoa]

Iono...

I... honestly want a girlfriend. :< To love, to hug, to bake her things, to hang with her, watch movies with her, play games, hold close, be her partner and friend and overall treat her like a princess.

But... it always ends bad for me, them relationships, it keeps making me feel depressed... Apparently I'm never good enough...

Also, "better to have loved and lost", I call epic ammount of BS on that...

 

[Arthur_Dent]

Ideally it would make life better, after all, isn't that why we do things? because eventually it would make our lives better? The idea behind is that as good as life alone could be, sharing it with someone would make it even better.

I doubt anyone, or at least most people, would think rationally that being on a relationship would solve all their problems and make life a perfect fairytale. But some people, in the other hand, can take a somewhat opposite approach with the same results, which is perceiving their lives as absolutely miserable as long as they're single, preventing them from appreciate whatever good things they may have; I admit I'm guilty of this.

On a related note, I don't think it's mandatory to love oneself to be on a relationship. To be happy? yes, you need to love yourself. But I've seen way to many people who dislike things or even hate themselves, and they still are in relationships. Sometimes this affect the relationship and eventually kills it, sometimes the relationship does end up helping them to feel better about themselves, and sometimes their sense of self-worth and their relationship status are completely unrelated. So it's a case by case thing.

 

[miserablecow]

I don't think its true, though it would help in some ways.

 

[javierb]

Does anyone believe this is true? For straight females it would obviously be boyfriend instead of girlfriend. I only ask because I see a pattern in a lot of posts that has led me to believe that people think that their problems would go away if they had a partner.

I just want people to know that this is not the case at all. In my experience, all my insecurities have been magnified since getting in a relationship. Nothing outside of myself can make me feel better about myself. That has been my experience.

I agree with you, it's not the solution at all. However it could help reducing the loneliness.

 

[NightTimeForever]

Yeah, I don't know. Supposedly women have come on to me (expressed by others), but I have no clue how to proceed, or if those advances are indeed genuine. Also, she would have to show me the ropes in a lot of ways, and I am not sure how many women are willing to do that.