How are you feeling?

FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
Man, I laid down yesterday morning because I was feeling a little tired, and before I knew it I had terrible fever. I spent last night alternately burning-up and freezing, and trying not to throw-up in-between.
 
vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
So I have one good IRL friend, someone who I have known since elementary school and has been a constant through most of my life. Yesterday he told me he and his girlfriend are excitedly expecting, which I am happy about for both of them. But when I woke up this morning I found myself feeling somewhat uncertain. Obviously his life is about to change a whole lot, and as a result my life will change as well (on a much smaller, less significant scale of course.) I don't feel like I'm great with kids, and don't plan on having any of my own, but I'm at the age where people I know are going to start having them. I have a feeling my sister will have kids before long as well. I worry all this is going to start pushing me apart from the few people I have in my life. It also brings my life's own lack of direction into focus. While I know I don't want to be a parent, I don't know exactly what I want my adult life to really look like. But the people around me do, and it's a life I may not have as easy of a time fitting into. In the least, the lives of people around me will force my own life to change. And I am uncertain what that life will look like.
 
Phoenixx

Phoenixx

Well-known member
vj288 said:
So I have one good IRL friend, someone who I have known since elementary school and has been a constant through most of my life. Yesterday he told me he and his girlfriend are excitedly expecting, which I am happy about for both of them. But when I woke up this morning I found myself feeling somewhat uncertain. Obviously his life is about to change a whole lot, and as a result my life will change as well (on a much smaller, less significant scale of course.) I don't feel like I'm great with kids, and don't plan on having any of my own, but I'm at the age where people I know are going to start having them. I have a feeling my sister will have kids before long as well. I worry all this is going to start pushing me apart from the few people I have in my life. It also brings my life's own lack of direction into focus. While I know I don't want to be a parent, I don't know exactly what I want my adult life to really look like. But the people around me do, and it's a life I may not have as easy of a time fitting into. In the least, the lives of people around me will force my own life to change. And I am uncertain what that life will look like.
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I understand how you're feeling. Once kids come into the picture, those friends get busy and you can't spend time with them as much as you'd like, if at all. I don't want to say I *lost* friends to them moving onto new life experiences, but I definitely don't have the same relationship with them like I did since it's hard to keep in touch after a while. I'm not great with kids either, and honestly I've never even met some of my friends' kids that's how long it's been since we've actually physically seen each other, but I still try to keep in touch.

Regardless of what other people think, you live your life for you. Even if you don't know what that life will end up being. Once upon a time I never thought I'd get married. I couldn't imagine committing to one person, because I couldn't imagine being so comfortable with someone when I wasn't even comfortable with myself, let alone someone actually liking me enough to want to do that. Yet here I am, married and pretty darn happy with us. As for kids, we're mainly undecided. At the moment though we're pretty happy we don't have any, meanwhile people we know our age are on kid #4 or #5. :oops:
 
FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
I've started walking really late at night again.

It's always a weird concession I have to make between wanting to be alone and wanting to be safe. If I walk during the day I have to deal with lots of normal people, which is sheer, irrational, torture. If I wait until later-on, then I see hardly anybody, but it brings me into contact with a more nefarious lot, which is putting my life at hazard. And lest one think I'm being dramatic, I'm really not. My city has one of the highest crime-rates in the country, less safe than 92% of other US cities.

It's just a testament of how far I'll go and how much I'll roll-the-dice just to avoid how people make me feel. o_O
 
Phoenixx

Phoenixx

Well-known member
The beautiful weather we've had the last few days has put me in such a good mood and has left me so motivated. :) Yesterday I spent nearly the whole afternoon gardening, even got a little sunburnt. My spring and summer birds are back, making my daily bird watching so much more interesting.

(Yes I love sitting in my chair in the living room next to the window eating my breakfast every morning and watching the birds at the feeder like a little old lady. Don't judge me. :LOL:)
 
theoutsider

theoutsider

Well-known member
Had a low key bad day today. It was one of those days where nothing big happened but by evening, so many little things had gone wrong that it was obvious this just wasn't intended to be my day. First, I went to work for nothing (I'm still working from home but have to go in on certain days to take care of small tasks) because somebody wanted some kind of revision that was going to take a day extra. Then I got a parking ticket of $35 dollars because I decided as long as I was at the office for nothing I might as well catch up on some things but forgot I was parked on the street and missed feeding the meter by 5 minutes. The meter maid must've just been waiting. Then I found out my other car was damaged more than what was originally reported when somebody rear ended me a few weeks ago. The body shop will have to keep it for an extra week. Lastly, I found out a dispute which I was certain was going to be decided my way has worked out in the other party's favor. Some days were just not meant to be good, I suppose.
 
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Phoenixx

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Hot. (No, not the good kind either.) We didn't really get a spring this year. We had a little in April, but then it turned to winter again, then it immediately turned to summer. It's a 90+ degree day today and it's not even June. o_O I feel like I'm wasting the day sitting inside, but I'm not really interested in roasting myself in the sun either. Yes I have sunscreen, but that only works so well being as pale as I am.
 
FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
I've got that feeling again like there's something I need to do, but there's nothing to do.

That's probably my subconscious telling me that time is running out, windows are closing, etc... I reckon this is the feeling that sends resentful people over the edge. Like they can't believe their life is so insignificant... that they have to do something rash, or attention-grabbing to make up for it, or lash-out at a society or segment of society they wrongly feel did them wrong.

You have to own your mistakes, broheim. If you missed the party it's probably your fault... the party ain't all it's cracked-up to be, anyway.
 
S

SilentAndShy

Well-known member
Fucking awful.

Trying to take proactive steps to deal with my anxiety is like the saying a boxer has his plans before he gets punched in the face. I have my plans (using my faith for inner contentment) then a bad day resulting in anxiety ratched up then having embarrassing outcomes means I get those punches in my face. I just feel I'm who I am and at 33, there's not going to be an inherent change to who I am and no person is able to lift me up out of this gloom.
 
Phoenixx

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Good. I have a busy week this week and it feels good to be able to wake up with something to look forward to doing. My interview went really well today. It was a very short interview, with three other people in the room, and they all seemed to like me and I think I may have gotten the job. No official word yet, they wanted me to fill out their application online (Yeah it was a bit backwards, but I got called into interview first because I was a current employee recommendation.) and then they were going to send me to get drug screening sometime this week I think.

I hope I like it, even though it is food production again. I have to admit I really, really miss the reputation I had at my last production job. Unfortunately management there left me so frustrated and it was a lot of hard, manual labor that not just anyone could or should be doing, but I had a handful of really good coworkers. I started at the bottom in that job, some people really treated me like shit at first, to the point where I almost quit, and I'm glad I didn't. My stubbornness took over and kind of squashed my anxiety and demanded respect. I worked my ass off just to prove a point, and I earned the respect I wanted. I actually made friends at that place, some of which I still keep in touch with. I just hope I can do that here. Earn respect, make connections. That's all I ever really want. It gets you a lot farther than just knowing things.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Don't know how ah should be feeling...

Had argument with ma mum this morning. Then my sister feel out, the oldest rant at me in an email - cuz she needed to vent. :mad:

Then ma mum got a phone call from my cousin down in London this afternoon to say her brother, my uncle, had a heart attack this morning. :cry:
 
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