Struggling... got writer’s block. Trying to finish an instrumental am tryin’ tae write, but ah cannae come up with anything that “works”. Probably should’ve stuck to doing covers, than trying to do original music.
Who gives a f__k...?! Ah mean, at this point in ma life, ah laugh just to keep maself from breakin’ doon in tears.
Weird how, as men, we’re telt to talk more about how we’re feeling yet, when we do, it’s usually reacted to with laughs. Not always, but more often than not, it’s how it is. At least in my experience.
But then if ah even open ma gob n’ utter an opinion that isnae in f__kin’ lockstep wae ma mother or my older sisters, I’m the wrong ‘un. Cuz ah jist dinnae understand how difficult it is as women, being a man n’ aw. They huv’nae a clue what it’s like being disabled. But hey, I’m supposed to give a flying f__k that my older siblings aren’t getting along. As if that’s a big shock in dysfunctional family ! I’m the only yin who recalls that being how our last family holiday together ended.
Getting a bit sick of having to put up with it, like, but there’s no exactly much that can be done about it.
Probably for the best that ah keep quiet n’ just internalise it aw, anyway.
It is amazing how being around good friends or good family members can help to take the edge off someone's high stress levels.
I hope for you that they are in good moods this particular weekend, so being around their happy and uplifting moods, can help you Phoenixx.
Thinking it might be time to check oot, dae masel’ in. Don’t know how many mair years ah cun tolerate. But then ah wus really supposed to make it to this age anyway. The past 15 to 19 years o’ ma life huv been hellish. Should’ve ticked that box marked “fleeing domestic abuse” on ma housing application, ah bet I’d have got a house of my own within months had I done so.
I'm waiting twelve hours so I can just go back to bed.
No money, no gas, and no food in the place other than what's stocked-up here for Gus. I'm bummed because there's no good places to walk him. Everywhere I go is either in a bad part of town or just way too open and visible. When I lived in the town prior, they had this great, giant park that no one hardly went to and me and Charley just walked for hours and hours.
I'm also in a bad mood because I'm being pressured to see a therapist again. There's not much money set aside for this and I worry about choosing someone under such circumstances. Convenience and affordability shouldn't be the main criteria for selecting a psychologist. Also, all the therapist I see online are either younger than me or look like old hippies. I wish I had the funds to see an actual Psychiatrist again.