I was feeling really good yesterday, feeling hopeful, and now today I'm feeling pissed off. Just a lot of minor annoyances. It's too early to be dealing with all this little bullshit. Hope my day turns around.
Nope. It didn't. I know why I'm frustrated today. I know why I'm upset and honestly it just sucks. I felt so good yesterday, so hopeful, and yet I feel like someone else did not reciprocate those feelings. Basically I feel like they don't believe in me or didn't even care about the major project idea I've had for a long time that I'm trying to turn into a reality. And that makes me really sad. I wish they understood how much I have struggled mentally. They don't. I can't ever make them understand. But the last week has been a little bit of a breakthrough for me and I'm actually really happy. Like I'm literally feeling happy again and eager thinking of taking on certain projects I hadn't thought about doing in years. Thinking ahead of doing things that I've wanted to do for a long time. I'm happy for myself, but it hurts when someone really important to me doesn't seem to have that same happiness because they seemingly don't care.
I took a drive down to the coast yesterday for the first time in 6 or 7 years, which is insane, as much as I love the place. I just didn't feel like going down there without Charley until now. It always clears my head out to see the ocean; to punctuate things, I ran into some really bad rain on the way down there; lightning, thunder, the whole shebang. I couldn't see 30 feet in front of my car. I had checked the forecast, so I thought to myself "Now? Now it's gonna storm like sheer Hell?"
But just as I crossed into the city of Wilmington the weather cleared-up. I had lived there years ago, so it was a lot of fun seeing all the old places. I was surprised by just how much new stuff had sprung-up. I didn't go by the house I used to live in because there were so many people out and about and going too far off the main road in all that traffic honestly felt a little daunting. Overall, though, it was a really good trip... Gus was miserable with his first hike down the interstate, but he perked-up once we got on the road. He was a big hit with the ladies. You have to slow waaaay down as you're driving through Kure Beach so he got lots of attention, hanging out the window like a movie star at a premiere.
It was nice being down there again; it felt homey. Sure, it was a rough trip; and once we got there it was still overcast in spots and there were some sprinkles here and there, but I got the message.
I got praise from my oldest sister today... Why? Because I don't bother anyone or cause drama. What a f__kin' achievement that is ! Is that where we are noo, as a society, where no being an obnoxious, loudmouth c__t is actually summit tae be admired, huh? F__king hell, man ! That shouldnae even be praise worthy.
But then, that might just be me? Dysfunctional family n' that. It's no easy growing up having to be example n' role model ye didnae huv in yer life. Anyway, that enough o' that... f__kin' self pity party.