How are you feeling?

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Hot. (No, not the good kind either.) We didn't really get a spring this year. We had a little in April, but then it turned to winter again, then it immediately turned to summer. It's a 90+ degree day today and it's not even June. o_O I feel like I'm wasting the day sitting inside, but I'm not really interested in roasting myself in the sun either. Yes I have sunscreen, but that only works so well being as pale as I am.
 
I've got that feeling again like there's something I need to do, but there's nothing to do.

That's probably my subconscious telling me that time is running out, windows are closing, etc... I reckon this is the feeling that sends resentful people over the edge. Like they can't believe their life is so insignificant... that they have to do something rash, or attention-grabbing to make up for it, or lash-out at a society or segment of society they wrongly feel did them wrong.

You have to own your mistakes, broheim. If you missed the party it's probably your fault... the party ain't all it's cracked-up to be, anyway.
 
Fucking awful.

Trying to take proactive steps to deal with my anxiety is like the saying a boxer has his plans before he gets punched in the face. I have my plans (using my faith for inner contentment) then a bad day resulting in anxiety ratched up then having embarrassing outcomes means I get those punches in my face. I just feel I'm who I am and at 33, there's not going to be an inherent change to who I am and no person is able to lift me up out of this gloom.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Good. I have a busy week this week and it feels good to be able to wake up with something to look forward to doing. My interview went really well today. It was a very short interview, with three other people in the room, and they all seemed to like me and I think I may have gotten the job. No official word yet, they wanted me to fill out their application online (Yeah it was a bit backwards, but I got called into interview first because I was a current employee recommendation.) and then they were going to send me to get drug screening sometime this week I think.

I hope I like it, even though it is food production again. I have to admit I really, really miss the reputation I had at my last production job. Unfortunately management there left me so frustrated and it was a lot of hard, manual labor that not just anyone could or should be doing, but I had a handful of really good coworkers. I started at the bottom in that job, some people really treated me like shit at first, to the point where I almost quit, and I'm glad I didn't. My stubbornness took over and kind of squashed my anxiety and demanded respect. I worked my ass off just to prove a point, and I earned the respect I wanted. I actually made friends at that place, some of which I still keep in touch with. I just hope I can do that here. Earn respect, make connections. That's all I ever really want. It gets you a lot farther than just knowing things.
 
Don't know how ah should be feeling...

Had argument with ma mum this morning. Then my sister feel out, the oldest rant at me in an email - cuz she needed to vent. :mad:

Then ma mum got a phone call from my cousin down in London this afternoon to say her brother, my uncle, had a heart attack this morning. :cry:
It's nice to see you in here again, Graeme. Though I wish the circumstances were better.
 
Sorry about the situation, Graeme but I'm also glad to see you on here again.
Thanks, I guess...

Haven't really been sleeping much in the last 24 hours. Can't stop thinking about my uncle, I hope he'll be okay. Though, my mum breaking down in tears after we were told over the phone that he'd been put on a ventilator - and her saying she wouldn't be able cope if anything happens to him - has me just as worried about her.
 
Like a fool.

I had to make small-talk with my neighbors and now I feel so stupid I want to die.
This frequently happens after I make small talk with people, and my natural response tends to be "well, I'll just avoid making small talk with people."

Then instead I just relive all the small talk I've had in the past in my head and it's possibly worse than the real thing.

It feels like the only solution is to have better experiences to overwrite the negative ones (or at least the ones I perceive as negative). Yet I feel this can't be done without first having many more experiences where I feel stupid before I start to feel not stupid. Why can't I just feel ok without going through constant ordeals of pushing myself?
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Good. I got my hair chopped today. *sigh* I needed it, especially with how hot it's been here this week. Plus I got to go back to my old hair stylist I used to see before I moved for college. Hadn't seen her in a long time and it was nice seeing her again. :) She's the only hair stylist I can make small talk with and not feel awkward about it. :LOL:
 
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