How are you feeling?

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
What will you be marathon watching?

Had a think about this the other day, and realised I haven't watched any of the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies beyond Iron Man 2, so I might marathon watch a few of those. Maybe the Captain America trilogy of movies? :thinking:
 

defiance

Well-known member
I feel overwhelmed. More and more stuff keeps piling on top of previous problems and I am too overwhelmed. I can't even catch my breath because the stress levels are so high right now.
 

defiance

Well-known member
Well I am back to say I am feeling worse now than I did about 2 hours ago because I just got chewed out for being useless and a loser. Can't blame them because I am worthless and a loser but still...it hurts....a lot.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Well I am back to say I am feeling worse now than I did about 2 hours ago because I just got chewed out for being useless and a loser. Can't blame them because I am worthless and a loser but still...it hurts....a lot.

:sad: I've had that said to me many times, myself. So, I can definitely relate. You're not alone in that, sorry if me saying that doesn't make ye feel better.
 

cowboyup

Well-known member
Got the courage to go out today to the store. I got annoyed with drivers here. It's difficult to assimilate yourself with a new town, especially when you moved from a big city to a small town. A relative of mine said to try some MeetUps or church stuff or just getting out. But then I went by the toy aisle and saw all these things my nephew and niece would like and I nearly broke down in tears. It's going to take a long time for me to not think of those kids everyday. Being away from them (though it's only 1000 miles) hurts so much.

I try to be positive then I figure out a way for a negative thought to sneak into my brain....then it's downhill from there. :sad:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Oh, but you shouldn't think you're intimidating. Maybe they think your attractive or just unique and not negatively.

Maybe? :idontknow: Unique, certainly. But I’ve never felt particularly attractive, like. But you’re probably right.

So you were born that way?

Oh, Christ no! I was born a few months premature. Ah actually weighted less than a bag of sugar when I was born – no joke. But I made up for that as I got older :giggle: Wasn’t until probably age 14 when I really started notice my body shape and size. And there was a bit of playful teasing about my weight from a couple of my cousins. But it never affected me negatively, since I’ve never been able to hide the fact I’m a big lad. Nor have I ever thought of myself being obese.

So how did you get in shape and loose the weight?

Well... I bought myself these:

61QMwHBuMDL._SL1500_.jpg


s-l1600.jpg


And got myself into a regular workout routine, about half an hour each day. Or more, depending on how I was feeling and when I worked out. Since I never gave myself a set, particular time that I’d go on the pedal exercise or lift my weights.

Also, despite the many arguments it caused, completely changed my diet. Less fizzy drinks, less overindulging on chocolate or crisps in-between and after meals; picking a yogurt and, either, an apple or banana instead. Just wee changes like that, really.

You think your surgery helped your cerebral palsy then?

Oh, definitely. I’m not walking with a limp, and have a more upright posture. Where as before my operation I hunched over, because my right knee wasn’t straight, so it was always slightly bent. Meaning I had to go up on my toes to compensate for not being able to get my right heel down flat to ground. So, as far as walking, the surgery has help correct some issues relating to my cerebral palsy.

What do you do to help with the muscle spasms?

Exercises, mainly. To try and keep ma muscles from tightening up, since that tightness is what causes the spasms. And just staying as active as possible – walking about as much as I can. As well as not allowing my family to wait on me hand and foot like they used to insist upon doing.

Oh, did he run it before he died?

I think he might have. Though, knowing my dad, he probably did in fact. I mean, when one of his older daughters was diagnosed with a similar cancer to what he would get, my dad was annoyed at her for giving up her job.

I meant what grades are secondary school? Like 6th or 7th?

Oh right, get ya now. Like it is in America? Well... it is, kinda. Only we go by years, instead of grades.

The first and second years are continuation of stuff you learnt in primary. You take an exam at the start and end of those 2 years to see how well you're doing. As well as get advised by the teacher of the subject - beit English, drama, music, foreign languages whether you should continue on or not. But the decision usually left to you, as in the third and forth year you get to pick which subject you'd like to study - but you must pick either English or Maths are your compulsory subject. And you’ve also the choice to study something at yer local college

And by the end of forth year you can choice to leave or stay on into higher education. You spend the fifth and sixth years, continuing on with the subjects you did well in and see about job or career prospects and further education – ie. College or university.

College is free in Scotland?

Yes, it is. But I don’t think I’d cope with it, on top trying to be as independent as I can, despite my disability.

But didn't you both speak English, but it was hard to understand each other?

Yeah, the accents kind of got in the way of communicating and understanding each other.

That makes sense. Yea your dad could have helped with you dealing it racism. What racism did you go through?

Oh hell, eh… Just the typical slurs that most mixed / bi-racial folk hear from schoolmates in the playground and walking home, y’know? Got called the n-word frequently; called a “Paki” on account of being brown-skinned, which is hilariously to think about now. Just as far as the level of ignorance goes, since my dad was African. Oh, and I remember told to go back where I came from, this being the only racist remark I felt deserved a reply. And what I said usually shut my bullies up. Though, I learnt the hard way that it was best not to talk back when I insulted a lad’s appearance – which seemed fair to me since he insulted me first – and got punch in the stomach for it.

You got bullied until adulthood?

Well, aye. My family didn’t exactly let up with their putdowns and insults, and conveniently forgot I’d been bullied for most of my school education. With me being the youngest, it’s expected that I still get picked, teased and humiliated on within the family – mocked for everything, except my skin colour and disability.

Well I feel the same way even though I went to college for two years. I feel I'm a disgrace to the family as well. Don't think you're a burden to them.

Maybe not, but I can’t shake the feeling that I am. Given how they tend to treat me so dismissively whenever I suggest something or ask for help. Or how my mum tends to overact whenever I ask her a question.
Plus, I still feel some resentment towards me for my half-sisters that I grew up with and older member of my family. Since I was quite spoiled when I was a child.

Oh. I think you should still give it a shot, but I understand what you’re saying.

Aye, It’s easier said than done for the likes o’ me, though.
 

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
I often think isn't the curse of not being social that your odds of meeting people who actually get you and you like to be with are slim to NONE. Depressing, really.
 
Oh, Christ no! I was born a few months premature. Ah actually weighted less than a bag of sugar when I was born – no joke. But I made up for that as I got older :giggle: Wasn’t until probably age 14 when I really started notice my body shape and size. And there was a bit of playful teasing about my weight from a couple of my cousins. But it never affected me negatively, since I’ve never been able to hide the fact I’m a big lad. Nor have I ever thought of myself being obese
Typically, a heavy/large baby will end up with a lighter body as an adult (eg myself), and an undeweight baby will end up heavier/larger adult.

I meant what grades are secondary school? Like 6th or 7th?
Oh right, get ya now. Like it is in America? Well... it is, kinda. Only we go by years, instead of grades.

The first and second years are continuation of stuff you learnt in primary. You take an exam at the start and end of those 2 years to see how well you're doing. As well as get advised by the teacher of the subject - beit English, drama, music, foreign languages whether you should continue on or not. But the decision usually left to you, as in the third and forth year you get to pick which subject you'd like to study - but you must pick either English or Maths are your compulsory subject. And you’ve also the choice to study something at yer local college

And by the end of forth year you can choice to leave or stay on into higher education. You spend the fifth and sixth years, continuing on with the subjects you did well in and see about job or career prospects and further education – ie. College or university
Here in new zealand we have forms. Starting after (or in some) primary school is form 1 & form 2 (ie intermediate school). Then high school (or secondary school as its technically called) goes from from 3 to form 7. Then it's university (or college as its known in america).
Also, in primary school, we have primer 1-2, & standards 1 thru 4 .. which makes standard 4 = year 6 .. and then years 7 thru 13 corresponding to forms 1 thru 7.
 
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dannyboy65

Well-known member
I just want answers... I'm starting to lose hope, what is wrong in my head? Why do I feel anger and hate? I am sick of not being happy, I am sick of everything. It's getting worse and I feel I won't contain it much longer...
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Typically, a heavy/large baby will end up with a lighter body as an adult (eg myself), and an undeweight baby will end up heavier/larger adult.

Oh. Dinnae know that. That said, it would explain a lot as far as me often being mistaken for someone a lot older - especially with my beard. So, in retrospect, my family were wrong to chalk my bigger frame down to just adolescent changes then? :bigsmile:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Quite depressed for a number of reasons.

Feel stuck in a rut - ah hate the town where I live. As far as trying to be creative goes, I've got writer's block. Just feel numb, really. :sad:

Getting fed-up with asking family for advice, only to get the "I don't know... :idontknow: You're smarter than me response". Coupled with the fact I'm always the yin in the wrong, for losing temper a lot. But wouldn't you, huh? If someone in your family was being overbearing, and yer two previous polite declines of what they're insisting you do have be ignored.

Why is it always me who has to suffer for standing my ground? :kickingmyself:

Also, what is the point of telling me a really harrowing true story about animal cruelty, which my sister read in the newspaper yesterday, if yer just going use that as basis for a rant about humanity being f**ked up? My opinion or thoughts seem a bit pointless when I've experience how cruel people can be towards each other. Not that that excuses beating an animal to death, like. :sad:
 

Facethefear

Well-known member
Feeling good. 3 months ago, I had some time off after working too hard for years. I decided to take a few weeks off and started to have memories from years ago. I went through a very traumatic time back then. Three months later, I am 15 lbs. lighter and thinking of events that have been dormant in my brain for four decades. The interesting part is that the memories don't cause me anxiety anymore. I want to recall everything and process it. My body and soul can handle it. Must have been repressed memory syndrome. This is ongoing and a good thing. I have not had a headache in months and my breathing is better. Maybe, my mind knew it was the right time to open up.
 
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Marc7

Well-known member
Maybe? :idontknow: Unique, certainly. But I’ve never felt particularly attractive, like. But you’re probably right.

I don't feel attractive either.

Oh, Christ no! I was born a few months premature. Ah actually weighted less than a bag of sugar when I was born – no joke. But I made up for that as I got older :giggle: Wasn’t until probably age 14 when I really started notice my body shape and size. And there was a bit of playful teasing about my weight from a couple of my cousins. But it never affected me negatively, since I’ve never been able to hide the fact I’m a big lad. Nor have I ever thought of myself being obese.

I mean were you born barrel chested?

Well... I bought myself these:

61QMwHBuMDL._SL1500_.jpg


s-l1600.jpg


And got myself into a regular workout routine, about half an hour each day. Or more, depending on how I was feeling and when I worked out. Since I never gave myself a set, particular time that I’d go on the pedal exercise or lift my weights.

Also, despite the many arguments it caused, completely changed my diet. Less fizzy drinks, less overindulging on chocolate or crisps in-between and after meals; picking a yogurt and, either, an apple or banana instead. Just wee changes like that, really.

I would do that too but I don't have motivation unfortunately but I know I have to to feel attractive.

Oh, definitely. I’m not walking with a limp, and have a more upright posture. Where as before my operation I hunched over, because my right knee wasn’t straight, so it was always slightly bent. Meaning I had to go up on my toes to compensate for not being able to get my right heel down flat to ground. So, as far as walking, the surgery has help correct some issues relating to my cerebral palsy.

Good!

Exercises, mainly. To try and keep ma muscles from tightening up, since that tightness is what causes the spasms. And just staying as active as possible – walking about as much as I can. As well as not allowing my family to wait on me hand and foot like they used to insist upon doing.

Do you do exercise to loose weight still or to help your physical self? Why does your family wait hand and foot on you?

I think he might have. Though, knowing my dad, he probably did in fact. I mean, when one of his older daughters was diagnosed with a similar cancer to what he would get, my dad was annoyed at her for giving up her job.

Oh.

Oh right, get ya now. Like it is in America? Well... it is, kinda. Only we go by years, instead of grades.

The first and second years are continuation of stuff you learnt in primary. You take an exam at the start and end of those 2 years to see how well you're doing. As well as get advised by the teacher of the subject - beit English, drama, music, foreign languages whether you should continue on or not. But the decision usually left to you, as in the third and forth year you get to pick which subject you'd like to study - but you must pick either English or Maths are your compulsory subject. And you’ve also the choice to study something at yer local college

And by the end of forth year you can choice to leave or stay on into higher education. You spend the fifth and sixth years, continuing on with the subjects you did well in and see about job or career prospects and further education – ie. College or university.

So the exams at the start and end of the two years determine if you going beyond?

Yes, it is. But I don’t think I’d cope with it, on top trying to be as independent as I can, despite my disability.

Why can't you cope with going to college? Btw I don't think I'm ready to go back.

Yeah, the accents kind of got in the way of communicating and understanding each other.

Oh.

Oh hell, eh… Just the typical slurs that most mixed / bi-racial folk hear from schoolmates in the playground and walking home, y’know? Got called the n-word frequently; called a “Paki” on account of being brown-skinned, which is hilariously to think about now. Just as far as the level of ignorance goes, since my dad was African. Oh, and I remember told to go back where I came from, this being the only racist remark I felt deserved a reply. And what I said usually shut my bullies up. Though, I learnt the hard way that it was best not to talk back when I insulted a lad’s appearance – which seemed fair to me since he insulted me first – and got punch in the stomach for it.

What race told you these racist things and how did you deal with it? Why did most biracial people get call these things? Sorry you endured racism and got physically assaulted.

Well, aye. My family didn’t exactly let up with their putdowns and insults, and conveniently forgot I’d been bullied for most of my school education. With me being the youngest, it’s expected that I still get picked, teased and humiliated on within the family – mocked for everything, except my skin colour and disability.

So you still get bullied today?

Maybe not, but I can’t shake the feeling that I am. Given how they tend to treat me so dismissively whenever I suggest something or ask for help. Or how my mum tends to overact whenever I ask her a question.
Plus, I still feel some resentment towards me for my half-sisters that I grew up with and older member of my family. Since I was quite spoiled when I was a child.

Your half sister and an older member of your family resent you? Just clarifying.

Aye, It’s easier said than done for the likes o’ me, though.

Yea it is going to be hard but stick through with it.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Hate my life, wish I was dead. :sad:

It's pointless, just... Why bother? :idontknow: Few things actually make me genuinely happy anymore. And people ain't f**kin' one o' them, ah cun tell ye that much.

Getting a bloody lecture about manners of ma mum, all because ah forgot to say "please" when I asked her to do something for me. Just asking to simply bring me my tablet through to me because she was in the room where I'd left it. She'd huv probably insisted on getting it for me, if I was going to get it myself, like. And I guess the fact ah would've said "Thank you", if like a normal person, ma mum just went...

"Aye, sure. Nae problem, son"

But naw, because I didn't ask nicely enough, apparently that makes me a sexist c**t. :kickingmyself:
Ah wonder how many more years of this shite I'll have put up with afore ah actually take my own life? :thinking:
 
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Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
That's me just back from another hospital appointment. It was just to see if they could take a bit off the built-up right-heel of my leg braces. But, unfortunately, that couldn't be done.

At least, I got a bit of the length off them at the toes and I'll be getting a new pair of orthopedic shoes.
 
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