theslowesthand
Banned
Same here, but probably for different reason. I feel i'm sinking back into depression, anxiety is rising, feel my mind is "frazzled".
How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
theslowesthand
Banned
Well i tend to have usually at least a touch of general anxiety whilst being bored, which makes me both bored and restless.
Kiwong
Well-known member
^ That is an excellent description, Kiwong! Can I borrow that?
It is so frustrating when someone - especially an extended family member - takes what they see you as outside closed doors as the 'norm' for all of your daily life.
I have had an extended family member say to me "I see you as functional"
If only they knew how much intense concentration, effort and energy-zapping 'acting' that it takes for me to appear as 'functional' in public, they would be astounded. :sad:
You can sure Bluedays. My sister said her life can boring. I told her that I'm too frightened most of the time. She said that must be horrible and she couldn't imagine how that would be. How little I sleep, how much I dread going out for abother working week and facing people, how much I want to hide away.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Same here. I'm just overwhelmingly stressed that my loud, obnoxious, irritating half-sister, her husband and their daughter coming over to visit from Ireland. So for the next few days, I'm going to getting an endless amount of invasive questions, sarastic quips and criticism at my expense for choosing to enjoy my own company...
Since my family, ignorant as they are, still refuse to accept that I'm an introvert. Though, if you had put up with the level of emotional abuse I've had to for much of my life, you'd not be overly keen on people, either. :sad:
Last edited:
theslowesthand
Banned
Bored, bored, boredy bored bored........ :idontknow:
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
So in the end, I'll be what I will be..
No loyal friend, was ever there for me..
And you will weep, when you face the end alone..
You are lost, you can never go home..
No loyal friend, was ever there for me..
And you will weep, when you face the end alone..
You are lost, you can never go home..
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Aye, me too. Plus, I've got family over visiting from Ireland. Just trying to keep outta their way, since ah hate small talk and the endless question that get thrown my way.
Ooh! That got me a wee bit emotional. :sad:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Well... whodathunkit?!
I'm actually walking around too much every since getting my orthopaedic surgery, in my sister's opinion.
More so, walking without ma crutches. And here was me thinking nothin' of it...
I'm actually walking around too much every since getting my orthopaedic surgery, in my sister's opinion.
More so, walking without ma crutches. And here was me thinking nothin' of it...
theslowesthand
Banned
There's no fun for me in this world.
defiance
Well-known member
Agreed. For me, there is also no purpose. Just anger and pain all day.
defiance
Well-known member
I'm getting bad anxiety over the thought of 2017. I know it is going to be the same s**t I went through this year if not worse. Nothing I do can change that. The thought of it is driving me insane. I have suffered enough. Can I please just check out already. I don't want to play this game anymore.
theslowesthand
Banned
I've got no purpose either; i just live one day at a time. I used to have real lofty goals & sense of purpose, but that was when i still had "passions". I don't know what happened, but all my passions (& therefore by extension all my "intrinsic drivers" (the winner's bible)) have over the years all disappeared! They just aren't there anymore, replaced instead by apathy, dysthymia, anhedonia, depression. I wish i knew how to get them back, as i don't get a kick out of barely anything these days; not even porn interests me anymore (sexuality/reproduction is one of the main motivational drivers for humans)
theslowesthand
Banned
Having second thoughts about my all-out-ban on xmas this year. I'm just so god-damned BORED .. i NEED something to escape the isolated tedium of my dreary existence. So, i'm now considering POSSIBLY going to my yearly couple of xmas gatherings. I still refuse to do any presents .. and i'll most likely need to consume a fair amount of alcohol (so that my SA/people issues are handled adequately; hopefully i won't get too much mood problems from the alcohol, esp of the aggro kind like last xmas, lol). I shall therefore need to stock-up on liquor a few days before; i'll get a taxi to town, buy 4/so dozen beer & a box of bottles (vodka, rum, whiskey, ..); that'll last a few weeks, & the bottles will last for months hopefully.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Just ma usual depressed self, as I tend to be this time of year. :sad:
Constantly wondering why ma family makes such a big deal of Christmas, when they acknowledge it's not worth the hassle every year. Ah know, tradition and all, but why bother with it if it's just stressful? Sorry, thinking out loud there.
Also, I'm going to get guff for keeping to myself, rather than spending time with family. Despite my older sister's loud, violatle personality being ma main reason for avoiding her.
Constantly wondering why ma family makes such a big deal of Christmas, when they acknowledge it's not worth the hassle every year. Ah know, tradition and all, but why bother with it if it's just stressful? Sorry, thinking out loud there.
Also, I'm going to get guff for keeping to myself, rather than spending time with family. Despite my older sister's loud, violatle personality being ma main reason for avoiding her.
defiance
Well-known member
I want 2017 to be a year where I can pull a 180 on my personal life. If it isn't meant to be then 2017 might as well be the last year I see because I seriously can't take this bulls**t anymore. It feels like my insides are on fire because I am angry and frustrated almost all the time. The other culprits are there too such as depression, anxiety and so forth but lately it has been anger and frustration that have been the most dominant. I may not be that old but I have outlived millions of people younger than me who died due to tragic circumstances. I think about this a lot as these were probably people who wanted to live and could have made something of themselves if they had the opportunity but they are gone and I am still here. This really does bother me. I have overstayed my welcome and so if 2017 can't be the year I get my life together and make improvements then I want 2017 to be my final year period. Because the thought of having to live another year with my old buddies, my issues, is just not something I can handle.
theslowesthand
Banned
No offense intended to ya, but your family is SO full of discrepancies and contradictions. No wonder they're emotionally-mixed-up nutjobs!
theslowesthand
Banned
So the questions then are: what are the things you CAN change? ... and, HOW are you going to change them?
theslowesthand
Banned
The question right now for me is, do i stay stuck in mind-numbingly-boring tedium, OR get out there a bit (socialize; which i'm pretty crap at, even with alcohol)??? :question:
(each day i'm flip-flopping with this!)
(each day i'm flip-flopping with this!)
Last edited:
defiance
Well-known member
All I can do is to keep doing all the positive routines that I have been for all these years. Aside from that...I can do nothing more because my issues won't allow me to. So what I can do, I do. For the outside observer, it may seem like I am not really trying but hey when you are mentally f**ked, sometimes just getting out of bed in the morning is the greatest accomplishment of all. So yeah, here is to hoping.