Marc7
Well-known member
Because I want to talk to people for friends and romantically. I can't because of possible avpd or sad :sad:.
How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
Because I want to talk to people for friends and romantically. I can't because of possible avpd or sad :sad:.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Yeah, someone usually accompanies me, since I don't always use my electric wheelchair to get about - the batteries not great. Can't really go long distance with it. So I just use an ordinary wheelchair, which since my surgery I'm now too tall for.
Need to get measured for a new one next year.Yes, she did that bit about my size and beard.And the "I'm too smart..." line was actually said about me as an back-handed compliment. Because the supposedly "smart one" in the family?
No, I use crutches. But I can walk unaided for a short distances without getting tired. Something I couldn't do prior to January this year. My legs still get a bit wobbly - by which I mean I get muscle spasms if I'm standing for too long.
Though, if it's snowing pretty heavy, my sister will insist on cling to her arm in case either of us fall.
I'm crap at mental arithmetic, and ye might need to explain something to me more than once to ensure I get what yer sayin'. But I normally ask if I don't understand what ya meant. That's about it, really.
Maybe it is not a good idea to do the same thing she does to you.
Nope...
My mum and I had a huge argument after one of my dad's visit. I was in my early 20s at this point. Just about how the focus was always on ma dad. Him wanting me to visit, become an account, etc. He wasn't the least bit interest as to how difficult things were for me with my disability.
Got her to make the phone-call to my dad cutting contact, since I was in bits emotionally. And knew I couldn't handle telling him myself.
So, aye, he was in my life for... 7 or 8 years? Then he got diagnosed with cancer, passed away in May 2012. I considered phoning him after my mum passed on the news that he wanted me to visit him in hospital before he died. But realised I'd have nothing to say, and worse, I'd just be sitting at his bedside asking him some difficult, depressing questions.
Sorry, didnae mean to end that on such a downer, there. :sad:
grapevine
Well-known member
Well having a bit of a breakdown today. Its the wheat. Allergic to glueten and that was from my bday cake and there were lots of people over for early xmas/bday thing and I got bit overwhelmed and my auntie had to take a photo of me and with my partner there and she knows I have bdd and terrified of photos and then has to put that on fb. And then I have my partner who is so into selfies of himself and likes his appearance and his sister being the same and everyone tells her she is pretty and I have to deal with things like that - like the begining of going out with him and he telling me I should be like his sister and get tips from her - about makeup and stuff. Well that was so traumatic for my bdd- she wears slabs of makeup and tries to be glamorous - I dont wear makeup - well I may wear little eyebrow definer and a little mascara here and there - but nobody would notice. I mean isnt that the point of makeup anyway?
I deactivated my fb page. I feel so ugly and feel like how I see things in taste is so skewed as I dont see what is so great in appearance to his sister. And I feel so bad about myself- in appearance and just the triggers of going out with a guy that cant go thru days without looking back on all his selfies and new ones and letting me know the importance of it.
Its that mentality that triggers my bdd. I hate the way I look.
I deactivated my fb page. I feel so ugly and feel like how I see things in taste is so skewed as I dont see what is so great in appearance to his sister. And I feel so bad about myself- in appearance and just the triggers of going out with a guy that cant go thru days without looking back on all his selfies and new ones and letting me know the importance of it.
Its that mentality that triggers my bdd. I hate the way I look.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
Xmass'y, and nostalgic!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jmdBA9nK0c&list=FLsRuy9Z5D1ZE3_-Gm4xso8w&index=10
If you're feeling like company of sorts, but can't bring yourself to do it in person, come join us in Wow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jmdBA9nK0c&list=FLsRuy9Z5D1ZE3_-Gm4xso8w&index=10
If you're feeling like company of sorts, but can't bring yourself to do it in person, come join us in Wow
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ah feel f**kin' great! So good rediscovering a hobby which I completely lost interest in years ago.
Marc7
Well-known member
Yeah, someone usually accompanies me, since I don't always use my electric wheelchair to get about - the batteries not great. Can't really go long distance with it. So I just use an ordinary wheelchair, which since my surgery I'm now too tall for.
Oh.
Oh okay. Do you believe her or no about your size and beard? She thinks she is the only smart one in the family?
Good. You use crutches because of your surgery or because of cerebral palsy? Muscle spasms are because of cerebral palsy as well?
Good.
What is arithmetic?
Nope...
Yea it isn't.
Why were you in "bits emotionally"?
So he was in your life for 7 or 8 years right? Like what are some depressing questions?
It's okay.
Marc7
Well-known member
What is bdd? Sorry to hear you went through that recently.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Yeah, sadly. I know, I shouldn't. But it's more a perception thing, y'know? Since I'm a quite tall, barrel chested, bald, hairy brown fella. :bigsmile: Making it difficult not have people perceive of me as a "tough guy"
Yeah, but only because, whenever my mum and I watch a TV quiz show together while having supper, I tend know the answers to some of the questions.
But, it's not just my mum who's said this about me. One of my cousins, who's a few years younger than me, also believes this. Me and another older cousin are the only smart ones in the family, according to her.
Both. But I do try and get about without my crutches when I feel up to it. Since it maintains my leg strength, and keeps my hands from getting sore.
Yeah. The spasms are mainly due the tightness of the muscles in my legs. I used to get botox injection for them. To stop the spasms from happening as often as they did, before deciding on having surgery.
Mathematics. Arithmetic is just another word for it.
I just felt like I was all over the place, emotionally. Pissed off at my mum for always having the final say on the matter, whenever I expressed doubts about forcing me to bond with my dad. Even though I was right when I said it wouldn't work. Yet she never sided with me. Resentment towards ma dad for just walking back into my life after 14 years absence and acting like he's owed something from me. And pressuring me into doing what he wanted.
On top of all that, my dad coming back into my life was around same time of secondary school exams that were crucial in determing whether or not I continued my higher education until age 18. So I felt under a lotta stress.
Yep! From age 15 until I was 22 or 23 years old.
Oh, eh just...
Did he love me? Cuz in those 7 or 8 years when he was in my life, he never said it to me once.
When did he decide to walk out, and was it because of my disability? Because his name is on my birth certificate. and...
Why did he treat my mum like shit? By all counts, before I can along, my dad was a right abusive b@$#%@*! At least from what my sisters tell me.
And my mum, well... She's still not gotten over it. If she had, then her relationship advice for me during adolescents wouldnae huv been: "Don't bother; men are effin' arseholes, anyway" Yet she couldn't even understand why her saying this really got to me. :kickingmyself:
Not that I blame my mum for feeling bitter or angry for how my dad treated her. It just would've been nice if she hadn't burden me with it all, y'know? Sins of the father and all that... :sad:
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). It's an anxiety disorder related to body image. Which just means that the person struggling with it has a distorted view of their appearance and worry about it a lot. For example, they may be convinced that a barely visible scar is a major flaw that everyone is staring at, or that their nose make them look ugly. And they tend to compare their appearance to other people's.
Sorry grapevine, ah hope I haven't upset you with those examples there?
Marc7
Well-known member
You shouldn't go off of how people perceive you. Barrel chested?
Yeah, but only because, whenever my mum and I watch a TV quiz show together while having supper, I tend know the answers to some of the questions.
But, it's not just my mum who's said this about me. One of my cousins, who's a few years younger than me, also believes this. Me and another older cousin are the only smart ones in the family, according to her.
I was saying does she think she the smartest in the family not you?
Good.
Now the muscle spasms went away right?
Don't worry I'm kind of slow too but I don't know why. Not that I'm calling you slow.
Why did he feel like you owed something to him? So did you end up passing the secondary school exams?
He visited you or you visited him during that time?
Yea she shouldn't of burden you with that. So she made you not want to date because of saying men are this etc.....?
Marc7
Well-known member
Oh. I can relate to bdd because I'm self conscious of my body and my face. I think I'm ugly :sad: unfortunately.
Hot_Tamale
Well-known member
Tis the season for one of my favorite traditions: To see which will run out first, my patience with my employees or my bank account for gifts. My bet is on my patience, I'm coming close to erupting on someone.
BlueDays
1
^I hate this time of year because people seem to become much more angry when they are driving.
They are more impatient, don't follow the road rules as much and yell or give the finger to other drivers if they hold them up for a second longer then they deem necessary.
h:So much for the Holidays being a 'relaxing' and 'joyous' occasion!
I feel worthless.
Like a soldier in a War with no guns or weapons of any description. How the hell am I supposed to fight the enemy? :idontknow:
Hot_Tamale
Well-known member
@BlueDays
I know the feeling...I feel worthless too and I feel like if I get the things I want or need I'll still feel like I don't measure up.
False alarm on the erupting part of my post, I feel better now haha ☺
I know the feeling...I feel worthless too and I feel like if I get the things I want or need I'll still feel like I don't measure up.
False alarm on the erupting part of my post, I feel better now haha ☺
theslowesthand
Banned
Another day wasted ... another day of nothing.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Aye, ah know... Still, it's difficult not to, especially with family.
Well, since losing a bit of weight this year, the barrel chested description might not be 100% accurate now. But still quite a big lad, nonetheless.
Oh, right... Sorry.
h: No, no ma mum does think she's the smartest in the family. In fact, she always bemoans the fact I seem smarter than her. No, the muscle spasms still occur. But they don't happen if I'm sitting down, like they used to, which is good. But they're more random now, tend to happen if I'm standing or walking for long periods.
Naw, naw, ah get what yer sayin'. And even if ye were calling me slow, I'd be more likely to admit to being that way than being offended. :bigsmile:
:idontknow: It just felt like that. Mibbe that was just his attitude? Though, I never actually asked him directly. Or maybe he felt like I owed it to him to carrying on the family business. Since no-one else in the family seem to want it.
Nah! Failed miserable, ah did. Due in part to my anxiety and depression, but mainly because I had huge pressure from my parents and teachers to do well. The stress got to me ye could say.
My dad visited me during the time he was around. But they were always random evening visits. Awkward as well, since I never knew how to relate to my dad. Maybe because I'd never fully appreciated the African side of my bi-racial heritage, y'know?
But he used to pester me to visit him and his family, which was just few miles away from where I live. So it wasn't the distance that kept me from visiting. More the fact, I've always felt like the black sheep of the family, inferior compared to my half-siblings - on both sides of the family.
Aye, pretty much. That, and constantly overhearing and putting up with the youngest of my older half-sisters arguing with her husband everytime they visit for Christmas or around my birthday. The shouting, swearing, slamming doors.
Ah know not all wimmin are a batshit-crazy or as domineering as ma mum and sisters. And ma mum's changed her tune now, but all the compliments and praise still doesnae change how ah feel. Why bother puttin' masel' through dating if the end result is I'm going to just like ma dad or uttely miserable?
Same here.
defiance
Well-known member
There is no way I can be optimistic about tomorrow when I wake up and my demons have destroyed any hope I might have had for that new day. Life for me is nothing more than a long drawn out cancer. You feel the pain every single day and you know at some point you will go, but the pain is so bad you can't wait for that day to come where you will no longer have to suffer. You just watch your days go by and try as you might there is nothing that you can do about it. What's worse is that this cancer spreads to the people in your life because your failures are perceived as their failures as well. As if it wasn't bad enough that you already felt like s**t but knowing you are hurting those around you makes you REALLY feel like s**t. This cycle needs to stop because I can't keep fighting this losing battle.:sad::crying: