How are you feeling?

[TryAgain]

I don't know how to make a new thread so I'll just post my question on this thread cause it's kind of general. So first of all to answer the question for this thread: I'm feeling tired of this ******* phobia (who isn't). There's not an area of my life that it doesn't **** up. Anyways, related to that, I was wondering if anyone feels like they DON'T want to make friends. I'm just wondering how many other people out there feel this way in order to understand whether this is related to social phobia of whether it's my avoidance of any kind of responsibility. Because socializing and relationships are like a minefield of appropriate and inappropriate responses and at this point it's making me uncomfortable with my own family who have shown nothing but support for me. Ugh. Feeling selfish.

I wouldn't exactly say I don't want friends.

I'd say instead that I often feel the need to spend time on my own, and that the typical hangouts don't fit my tastes. For instance, I would be fine with going out for a long walk with someone I'm comfortable with. I wouldn't be so fine with going to a club.

Most of my acquaintances at the moment happen to be my co-workers, and establishing a friendship with your co-workers can be tricky. In addition, when you agree to something, people may quickly want more and more out of you. I tend to automatically retract at the slightest hint of this behavior.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

I feel rotten—sad, hopeless, useless, pathetic. I'm a lost little boy in a grown-up's body. I may grow old, but I'll never be an adult.

I'm reminded of a wreck I once witnessed. A small car suddenly turned directly in front of a tractor-trailer, and the truck just ran right over it. The car rolled over and over under the truck, while the driver inside was crushed to a pulp. That's what life is doing to me: rolling, grinding, crushing. There won't be much left when it's done.

 

[closethomosape]

I can somewhat relate. Though, my family just think I'm weird n' odd. Apparently my anxiety and depression is just an excuse to them. So, I've never been comfortable with my family. That said, mine are feckin' violatile. So it's no surprise they don't support me.

Anyway, it's not that I don't want to make friends. I just can't be bothered. And the way most people act and carry themselves nowadays, why would ya? Most people are too busy lookin' at their phones, Facebook etc to even engage in conversation, from what I observe.

Maybe that's just me and how I see the world? I just don't see the point of making friends at this point my life, especially if that means changes who I am, just to be accepted. F**k that!

Also, why does your not wanting to make friend relate to avoiding any kind of responsibility?
Responsibility to what? Yerself? Those around you? :idontknow: Sorry, just trying understand where yer comin' from.

Hey Graeme thanks for the response. Sounds like not having a supportive family is a real bummer, but at least we all understand each other a little better around here (socialphobiaworld), and yeah people are on their phones a lot. It's a bit intimidating. When I say I'm avoiding responsibility I mean like relationships require you to have some responsibility for how you respond to people in order to make them feel comfortable or to not offend them. At least that's how I see it, but then again the way I see things hasn't exactly led me down the best path. Honestly I feel like the best way to describe where I am in life is like this: "You know when you look back on your life and you see an important decision you've made and you're like, wow thank God I didn't do THAT. Can you imagine who I'd be now if I did that? Well, I am that person and it sucks." Ugh. I know that's bullshit even as I type it because the present moment is always an opportunity to change. I'm in control if I allow myself to be, but I just feel like saying irrational dumb shit because I need to get it out. You know what I mean? This social awkwardness drains the life out of me FOR REAL. Ugh.

 

[closethomosape]

I wouldn't exactly say I don't want friends.

I'd say instead that I often feel the need to spend time on my own, and that the typical hangouts don't fit my tastes. For instance, I would be fine with going out for a long walk with someone I'm comfortable with. I wouldn't be so fine with going to a club.

Most of my acquaintances at the moment happen to be my co-workers, and establishing a friendship with your co-workers can be tricky. In addition, when you agree to something, people may quickly want more and more out of you. I tend to automatically retract at the slightest hint of this behavior.

Hey TryAgain thanks for the response. I know what you mean about long walks and not wanting to go to clubs. Even before my social awkwardness I was never a crowd person. I've never had a good memory, but from what I've been piecing together over time, I'd say I was a bit on the extroverted side before all this. Just an extrovert with a lot of shame, but I still didn't like crowds. I love long walks. Especially with my dog in the sun or on a cool overcast day. I feel you. I've been in situations where I'm in a group and the energy begins to escalate, everyone's laughing, talking, and suddenly I just can't ride out the wave with everyone and I become disconnected and I can't be happy like everyone else. It's weird. So yeah at this point relationships seem like such a complicated challenge that I can't even deal with them. I don't want to deal with them. I'll still care WAY too much what people think of me, but I'm not going to bother trying to forge a relationship that I can't maintain.

 

[Graeme1988]

Hey Graeme thanks for the response. Sounds like not having a supportive family is a real bummer, but at least we all understand each other a little better around here (socialphobiaworld), and yeah people are on their phones a lot. It's a bit intimidating. When I say I'm avoiding responsibility I mean like relationships require you to have some responsibility for how you respond to people in order to make them feel comfortable or to not offend them. At least that's how I see it, but then again the way I see things hasn't exactly led me down the best path.

Oh, ah see what ya mean now. I try to do that myself, but folk seem to find ma appearance quite intimidating. Being quite a big, brown fella, suppose the bushy beard doesnae exactly do me any favours?

So, I've kinda opt to be shy, introverted n' much quieter than ah probably should be. Y'know, compared to the loud, abrasive, confident culture I was raised in. The only downside of that is folk tend to perceive you as a smug c**t.

Honestly I feel like the best way to describe where I am in life is like this: "You know when you look back on your life and you see an important decision you've made and you're like, wow thank God I didn't do THAT. Can you imagine who I'd be now if I did that? Well, I am that person and it sucks." Ugh. I know that's bullshit even as I type it because the present moment is always an opportunity to change. I'm in control if I allow myself to be, but I just feel like saying irrational dumb shit because I need to get it out. You know what I mean? This social awkwardness drains the life out of me FOR REAL. Ugh.

Well I can definitely relate. Though, I'm lookin' back on my life and wishing I'd done more. Been more confident, assertive, outgoing, risk taking, etc. Rather tha being this scared, apprehensive, shy lad.

 

[Graeme1988]

I feel rotten—sad, hopeless, useless, pathetic. I'm a lost little boy in a grown-up's body. I may grow old, but I'll never be an adult.

This pretty much describes me as well. Which is kinda sad. Considering I'm still, somewhat, young. :sad:

 

[grapevine]

Restless- total anxiety attack. Not authentic. Neglecting my responsibilities and paying for it.

 

[Graeme1988]

I'd happily give my past 2 months of disability benefit money for someone to genuinely stab me to death right now. Just got f**kin' yelled at by my mum, yet again for jokingly implying she has OCD. Which came off the back of my asking her the following question twice and gettin' no little response, as she's helping me in the bathroom to get my shaving kit ready:

"Whit ye doin' that for, eh?" Noticing she just filled the sink then emptied it. No response.
"Why are ye cleaning the sink with yer hand? There's nothin' there"
"Don't know, ah do it all the time"
"Really? OCD, is it?", I enquire.

Half-joking yet curiously wondering if she does have the condition. As my mum, rather aggressively, scrubs the sink with her right hand.​

But in trademark fashion, ma mum doesnae see the funny side and flips on me, and accuses me of banging on about it? But apparently that's aw it takes to offend a feminist these days - say she's might be a bit bloody mental. Oh, f**k! Knives off and lunge... Raarrgh!!

Yet my mum and older sisters can openly and blantantly joke about me being autistic because I'm all quiet, shy and don't really talk much. And, up until 2 years ago, thought nothin' of constantly comparing my appearance to a offensive Middle Eastern stereotype.

But, apparently, it's me who's the inconsiderate c-word. :kickingmyself: It's no like ah wouldnae huv said sorrt for the remark if ma mum turn to me n' said she genuinely does have OCD. I suppose this recent incident is more reason for me to keep ma mooth shut, right? :question: :idontknow:

 

[Kiwong]

Council voting is compulsory where I live. I hate it. The worse part is being forced to walk past people who descend on you like a bunch of vultures with how to vote papers. There used to be a side entrance I could access the school but it is closed so I am forced to walk past these vultures.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

I'm feeling a very low tolerance for the bullshit that constitutes 99.9% of life.

 

[MollyBeGood]

Council voting is compulsory where I live. I hate it. The worse part is being forced to walk past people who descend on you like a bunch of vultures with how to vote papers. There used to be a side entrance I could access the school but it is closed so I am forced to walk past these vultures.

You are forced to vote?! What BS!

what happens if you don't partake?

Australia seems really extreme to me. I will no longer vote here. I voted once and that was it. I became awake a few yrs later and I will never do it again. I actually find religion and politics too closely related in their control systems to ever not see them for what they are. Crap plain and simple.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Life, it seems, will fade away
Drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else

I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Cannot stand this hell I feel

Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn
I was me, but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try

Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye

 

[GraybeardGhost]

I'm having very bad thoughts and feelings. I got a Louisville Slugger and a strong urge to use it: smash the TV, smash the lights, smash the computer, smash my skull. I think I need help.

 

[Kiwong]

You are forced to vote?! What BS!

what happens if you don't partake?

Australia seems really extreme to me. I will no longer vote here. I voted once and that was it. I became awake a few yrs later and I will never do it again. I actually find religion and politics too closely related in their control systems to ever not see them for what they are. Crap plain and simple.

It's a 55 dollar fine if you don't vote. If voting wasn't compulsory I wouldn't vote. And you are right about religion and politics being related, same thing in Australia. The most abhorrent policies are linked to religious ideology infecting policy.

I vote informal these days. I only attend the polling booth to avoid the fine. Australia like the US has a sad history of treatment of indigenous people and the environment.

 

[Fen]

my misanthropy level is over nine thousands :sad:

 

[S_Spartan]

my misanthropy level is over nine thousands :sad:

mine too...

...and I'm bored.

 

[Megaten]

Left out. But thats kinda expected at this point.

 

[Kiwong]

My anthropophobia levels are off the scale. I don't hate people I fear them.

 

[defiance]

I wonder sometimes that if there truly is an afterlife, will I suffer there too? Kind of crazy I know but hey you wonder about these things every now and then I suppose. As for my day I am still really anxious and depressed. Just really sad. I see the person I should have become slipping away more and more with each passing day. Idolizing who I should have been and realizing who I am instead.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

Teetering on the edge. At the risk of completely humiliating myself, I asked my "friends" for help. Not one offer. This is how people end up on the news.