How are you feeling?

[SpaceTime]

Well, tae be fair, doing some DIY is better than nothin'. :thumbup:

Yep, DIY is something I used to quite like doing. Gives me a minor sense of control over things around me which I think helps psychologically when so many things in my life in recent years have been out of my control. Something I know others on here have been having to deal with too, with their living spaces deteriorating and struggling to get on top of things. Its only a small step and I've got a couple of much bigger maintenance headaches than the one I've worked on today which I'll need professionals for, but a small step forward anyway and I feel better for having made that step. I'll probably sleep a bit sounder tonight.

Anyways, hope your plan comes together Graeme, certainly something to strive for, even if its long term its always good to have a goal in mind to work towards. erfect:

 

[GraybeardGhost]

Took a nap, now my brain won't start. Gonna hafta clean the carburetor or something.

 

[Graeme1988]

Yep, DIY is something I used to quite like doing. Gives me a minor sense of control over things around me which I think helps psychologically when so many things in my life in recent years have been out of my control. Something I know others on here have been having to deal with too, with their living spaces deteriorating and struggling to get on top of things. Its only a small step and I've got a couple of much bigger maintenance headaches than the one I've worked on today which I'll need professionals for, but a small step forward anyway and I feel better for having made that step. I'll probably sleep a bit sounder tonight.

Well, I can kinda relate. As I'm trying clear out some stuff to make my wee bedroom into a modest home recording studio. :shyness:

Anyways, hope your plan comes together Graeme, certainly something to strive for, even if its long term its always good to have a goal in mind to work towards. erfect:

Aye, that's true. Well, at least that's the only other thing keeping me going. Though ah huv a feelin' that my mum'll have to be dead afore I'm truly on ma own. I mean, we don't get along at all, haven't done so going on 10 years now. I'm miserable. She f**kin' hates me, despite saying otherwise. Yet, I'm forced to stay because my family need me more than I need them.

 

[defiance]

You would think waking up to the same misery everyday would be something you would get used to after all these years. Yet it gets worse with each passing day so you never adapt to it, at least in my case. My existence is a tragedy.:sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

You would think waking up to the same misery everyday would be something you would get used to after all these years. Yet it gets worse with each passing day so you never adapt to it, at least in my case. My existence is a tragedy.:sad:

Ah feel the same way about ma existence. So yer not alone there. Sorry, ah know doesnae exactly make ya feel any better.

Though, I'va sadly gotten used to wakin' up to the same ol' shite day after day. :sad:

 

[MollyBeGood]

having trouble staying vertical today

 

[nodejesque]

I'm feeling sleepeh and drained of all energy and motivation.

 

[theslowesthand]

Struggling to not stay in bed all day every day :kickingmyself:

 

[Graeme1988]

Struggling, as I do everyday. Wishin' things were just a wee bit easier. And apparently I'm a c*%^ for asserting my boundaries as a disabled people. Yep! Thanks family... Nice tae know I'm treat the same, innit? Basically, if ah want yer help, I'll ask, right? Don't just assume ah always need help.

 

[MollyBeGood]

I want to hang my head and cry, but I can't really get the tears to come. I can't feel pity for myself. I think this a product of me just hating my existence and not thinking anything better is waiting for me. Part of crying involves the "Life is not Fair" line of thinking, which it is NOT fair so there is no reason to cry. I wish I could just feel sorry for myself, though. Maybe that would motivate some real change? I always feel I get what I deserve. I am a depressed and unhappy person so my life is a reflection of that. IF something good happens it is simply a fluke and always fleeting.

 

[defiance]

Do I exist only to feel pain and be miserable? Is this all there is and all there will ever be for me?

 

[kilojoule]

yknow that feeling were you fail and try again and fail and try again and fail and try again......well Im right in between the fail and try again bit.

 

[Graeme1988]

I want to hang my head and cry, but I can't really get the tears to come. I can't feel pity for myself. I think this a product of me just hating my existence and not thinking anything better is waiting for me. Part of crying involves the "Life is not Fair" line of thinking, which it is NOT fair so there is no reason to cry. I wish I could just feel sorry for myself, though. Maybe that would motivate some real change? I always feel I get what I deserve. I am a depressed and unhappy person so my life is a reflection of that. IF something good happens it is simply a fluke and always fleeting.

I'm the same. At least as far as good things happening. Though, most o' the time, ah feel that I don't really deserve anything good. As far as being depressed and unhappy, ah think, for me, it's the people that interact with, y'know? Like, if yer surrounded by folk who constantly argue and say negative things, you're more likely to reflect that back.

Ah mean, you'd think my disability would justify me being all self-pitying n' that? But naw. If anything, I spend more time wishing I was more like everyone else than feeling sorry for masel'.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

I'm really just a hopeless ****-up. I should cash it in now before I make things any worse.

 

[Graeme1988]

Running outta reasons to keep going, to keep living. Family sure as hell ain't one o' them. :kickingmyself:
Ah know that might seem harsh, but it'd be great if ah wus'nae here anymore. :sad:
I'm just an epic f**k-up, unless more than useful.

 

[defiance]

Running outta reasons to keep going, to keep living. Family sure as hell ain't one o' them. :kickingmyself:
Ah know that might seem harsh, but it'd be great if ah wus'nae here anymore. :sad:
I'm just an epic f**k-up, unless more than useful.

I know this pain very well myself. Words truly fail to capture just what a miserable experience it is when you wake up everyday to the same sh*t. After a while it gets worse because you see there is no change and that causes anger to arise, at least in my case. I hate myself so much because I am a F**K up of epic proportions. Just making it through the day is SOOOOOO difficult. Speaking for myself, I know at this rate I won't go on for much longer because what's the point? I can't exist in this society because I try and I fail. My fears, anxiety, depression, hold me back from so much. I'll never be anything more than this. This was the hand I was dealt I guess.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

I feel just awful. Must be that time of day.

 

[Kiwong]

It's like I retreat to edges as far from the human world as possible, the edge of a waterfall or at ocean's edge, and that is the only place were if I am lucky for a moment these heavy worrying thoughts may lift. It's in those moments where I lose all sense of this crushing weight of identity, and become a bundle of cells delighting in experience, the sight of crimson long diagonal sun rays filling a distant Valley, the sound of a lyre bird mimicking Cockatoos, the sense of cold, clear mountain air filling my lungs.

 

[closethomosape]

I don't know how to make a new thread so I'll just post my question on this thread cause it's kind of general. So first of all to answer the question for this thread: I'm feeling tired of this ******* phobia (who isn't). There's not an area of my life that it doesn't **** up. Anyways, related to that, I was wondering if anyone feels like they DON'T want to make friends. I'm just wondering how many other people out there feel this way in order to understand whether this is related to social phobia of whether it's my avoidance of any kind of responsibility. Because socializing and relationships are like a minefield of appropriate and inappropriate responses and at this point it's making me uncomfortable with my own family who have shown nothing but support for me. Ugh. Feeling selfish.

 

[Graeme1988]

I don't know how to make a new thread so I'll just post my question on this thread cause it's kind of general. So first of all to answer the question for this thread: I'm feeling tired of this ******* phobia (who isn't). There's not an area of my life that it doesn't **** up. Anyways, related to that, I was wondering if anyone feels like they DON'T want to make friends. I'm just wondering how many other people out there feel this way in order to understand whether this is related to social phobia of whether it's my avoidance of any kind of responsibility. Because socializing and relationships are like a minefield of appropriate and inappropriate responses and at this point it's making me uncomfortable with my own family who have shown nothing but support for me. Ugh. Feeling selfish.

I can somewhat relate. Though, my family just think I'm weird n' odd. Apparently my anxiety and depression is just an excuse to them. So, I've never been comfortable with my family. That said, mine are feckin' violatile. So it's no surprise they don't support me.

Anyway, it's not that I don't want to make friends. I just can't be bothered. And the way most people act and carry themselves nowadays, why would ya? Most people are too busy lookin' at their phones, Facebook etc to even engage in conversation, from what I observe.

Maybe that's just me and how I see the world? I just don't see the point of making friends at this point my life, especially if that means changes who I am, just to be accepted. F**k that!

Also, why does your not wanting to make friend relate to avoiding any kind of responsibility?
Responsibility to what? Yerself? Those around you? :idontknow: Sorry, just trying understand where yer comin' from.