Is it just me or does it seem like everyone on this site is happy at once and everyone is sad at once? On average, I mean. Today seems like a gloomy day for most, whereas I think it was yesterday, many of the posts were positive. Hrm :thinking: Maybe it's just a Monday thing.
I do hope everyone who's feeling down finds something to feel good about.
Yes, I've noticed that, too. Much like women having their cycles synced if they're together a lot, it's the same for everyone here regarding moods. :bigsmile:
I suppose the phrase "life is what we make it" applies here. There is no point to life, but we're in it, so might as well enjoy it while we can.
Regarding senility, I hope to be long gone before that happens. 🤭
enjoy pointless things? I find this impossible tbh. I can fake it with the best of them but when I am alone I just can't stand the idea of the futility.
enjoy pointless things? I find this impossible tbh. I can fake it with the best of them but when I am alone I just can't stand the idea of the futility.
Things that you enjoy doing are definitely not pointless. You have hobbies, right? Get stuck into those and you'll feel a lot better, even if the hobbies don't produce money.
I understand what you mean about the futility of it all. What's the point of doing X or Y thing when we're going to be dead in 50-80 years? I have thought these scenarios before, and all I can say is that you have to find reasons to enjoy the limited time you do have.
It's not easy - I'm still learning, too - but it's all we've got (unless reincarnation is a thing).
Things that you enjoy doing are definitely not pointless. You have hobbies, right? Get stuck into those and you'll feel a lot better, even if the hobbies don't produce money.
I understand what you mean about the futility of it all. What's the point of doing X or Y thing when we're going to be dead in 50-80 years? I have thought these scenarios before, and all I can say is that you have to find reasons to enjoy the limited time you do have.
It's not easy - I'm still learning, too - but it's all we've got (unless reincarnation is a thing).
Tired of being tired.
Sick of not being able to have control over most of the parts that make up my life.
I feel like one of those breeding sows they keep locked in a cage that is so small they can't even turn around.
Tired of being tired.
Sick of not being able to have control over most of the parts that make up my life.
I feel like one of those breeding sows they keep locked in a cage that is so small they can't even turn around.
Is it just me or does it seem like everyone on this site is happy at once and everyone is sad at once? On average, I mean. Today seems like a gloomy day for most, whereas I think it was yesterday, many of the posts were positive. Hrm :thinking: Maybe it's just a Monday thing.
I do hope everyone who's feeling down finds something to feel good about.
To that phenomenon I have two theories off the top of my head (probably both wrong)
The first is simply that other people's feelings rub off on us. If we just read a bunch of people going through a hard time, we think about the hard time we go through and what is bothering us. And on the flip side, when everyone else in high spirits we have an easier time seeing the good we have like they are.
The second, which is sorta ties right in with the first is that we tend to go with the flow. If everyone is posting negative sad stuff, and we're feeling happy we may think "man everyone else is feeling bad, I don't want to make them feel bad by saying I'm feeling good" or more subconsciously "If everyone else feels good (or bad) I don't want to say the opposite and not fit in/ruin the mood/groove of the forum." If the forum is negative, and then you post something negative it may give you a feeling of belonging, as well as if the forum is upbeat and you post something positive.
Not that you asked for an explanation, but those would be my guesses. I have no qualifications in forum psychology, so they're basically meaningless :thumbup::bigsmile:
To that phenomenon I have two theories off the top of my head (probably both wrong)
The first is simply that other people's feelings rub off on us. If we just read a bunch of people going through a hard time, we think about the hard time we go through and what is bothering us. And on the flip side, when everyone else in high spirits we have an easier time seeing the good we have like they are.
The second, which is sorta ties right in with the first is that we tend to go with the flow. If everyone is posting negative sad stuff, and we're feeling happy we may think "man everyone else is feeling bad, I don't want to make them feel bad by saying I'm feeling good" or more subconsciously "If everyone else feels good (or bad) I don't want to say the opposite and not fit in/ruin the mood/groove of the forum." If the forum is negative, and then you post something negative it may give you a feeling of belonging, as well as if the forum is upbeat and you post something positive.
Not that you asked for an explanation, but those would be my guesses. I have no qualifications in forum psychology, so they're basically meaningless :thumbup::bigsmile:
That's a pretty good theory right there. You may be right.
I will find out if I have a job or not in the next week or so. Looks like I will have a job but it is a little uncertain. I really feel paranoid when my name is mentioned at work.
I'm constantly on a roller coaster between despair and hopelessness, and inspiration and happiness. I really love this life and the world I am in at times. At the moment I truly believe that these are times of something to lose. My anxiety threatens these wonderful experiences that I collected in memory. The fear that I will lose this is a big part of my depression and anxiety. I fear falling back into the darkest days I have lived where there was only fear and pain. I have hope now and losing that frightens me.
It's the anniversary of ma dad's death today, he died due to cancer. :sad: Yet, ah feel almost the same way ah did when ah heard. Ma dad passed away at 3am, May 14th 2012, one of ma step-sister informed me. And ma reaction was pretty much this: :idontknow: Strange how the grief hits me now, eh? Am no sure why am griefing for him, really? Maybe it's because ah never knew ma dad. Even when he came back intae ma life, when ah was 15, I didnae know 'em! But ah still huv regrets, things that should've been said. Oddly enough, ah can still remember his 1st words to me when ah met him:
"Hey! Long time, no see..." (I laugh awkwardly at this, whilist in ma head thinkin': "Aye, ah could say the same aboot you!")
Ah mean, ah don't huv the same, lovin' memories of ma dad as step-siblings probably do, overall. Since, tae me, ma dad was just this overbearin', physical intimidating Kenyan bloke, always like things his way, couldnae take "No" for an answer. He'd see me at random, comin' and goin' as he pleased! Constantly pressuring me:
"When are you going to do this...?" (For example, visit the step-siblings whom I don't know... or he'd constantly whin on about me doing a university course in accounting - maths isn't ma strong point, by the way)
^ Though, ah've always wondered what that step-family meetin' would've went like, ah imagine introducing maself: "Hiya folks... Well, am the one he didnae give a f**k about, until it was too late. But better late than never, eh? But ye can call me Graeme..."
And am talkin' about a man who, - if he had his way - would've named me Abraham. Nothin' wrong with that in and of itself. Until... ye find out that yer dad's first name was Moses! Nae kiddin'! So... obviously going for a Bibical reference, in there, eh? :sarcastic: Get it? Moses and Abraham? F**kin' great joke, innit? Aw, forget it! Though, ma white, Scottish mother, obviously saw sense and said: "Eh? Dinnae be so f**kin' stupid! We're no callin' 'em that fur Christ sake!" <---- Only jokin', she didnae really say that. But I am grately ma dad's name choice is ma middle name, not ma first. Even if it is a bit of an awkward middle name tae huv when you've got a first name like Graeme? But anyway, ah digress...
Ah always felt like a constant disappointment tae ma dad since ah never live up tae his expectations. Since he always belittled me everytime. Creativity as an outlet was quote: "A waste of time". But then, ah also think the fact ah huv cerebral palsy could've been the reason for ma dad's absence from ma life, since it's no easy raising a disabled child.
And the language barrier was also awkward, maybe that why we dinnae talk much? Ma dad speakin' English with an African accent - that in itself isn't funny. But then you've got me, right? Speakin' the Scots regional dialect quite fluently by the time ah was 8 years old. Ach aye the noo, Jimmy! And aw that... Huvin' conversations entirely in Scots. Oh, aye, ah've got the lingo doon. That's funny! Mainly because the culture divide. Hilarious in retrospect, though. The only funny memory I have of ma dad. Since conversation with ma dad usually last a few minute. Due to social anxiety and an inability to understand each other dialect wise.
A conversation between me and ma dad usually went somethin' like:
My dad: "Hello, how's it going, how are you? Me:Aye, awright. Eh, no bad, ataw... How's yersel'?🤭
^ Am not even jokin', there! Then it was the usual belittling, snide comments from ma dad, underminded ma self-confidence like be kicked in ghoulies*(*That's a slang term - primarly used when a man is hit the groin)
Still... ah wish I'd resolved ma issues with ma dad before he died. Ah think that ma biggest regret, we never talked about how we felt aboot each other. Never really had a close relationship, he didn't bother to say "Happy Birthday, son!" when it was ma birthday, despite everyone else on ma mum's side of the family sayin' it! Y'know, just say it then get on with yer day. Ah mean, just once. Though, ma 18th birthday is particular memorable, since that was the year ma dad, jokingly, offered tae buy me condoms. Aye, really funny, dad! That's the closest we ever got tae "The talk...". 😉
Concidently, ma dad never once said he loved me or was proud of me. :crying: Which, I guess shows why things were so awkward between us for 8 years we knew each other. I'd cut contact with him in January 2011, since his constant pressuring was gettin' unbearable for me! Like to the point ah'd huv an emotionally breakdown after his visits. Aye, it was that bad! Ah didnae even find out he had cancer until August 2011 via a hospital phone call to my mum, so he couldnae be bother to tell me directly. "That was yer dad on the phone. He's in hospital, he's got cancer" My mum and I were probably the last once to know.
Sorry, ah just don't know how ah should feel today? :idontknow: :sad:
My lower jaw feels very numb. Just got back from the dentist. Her assistant did a deep cleaning on my teeth so I received 2 shots of anesthetics. It didn't hurt much, but now I'm hungry as heck but have to wait 2 hours (1 more to go) before I can eat. Regardless, I'm glad I went for the cleaning because dental health is important to overall well-being.
lightheaded. queasy. sleepy. positively anxious / slightly excited and hopeful.
i might make some heavy decisions soon. decisions that i've put off for a heap of years. after about three years in location and job limbo, i think i'm on the verge of resting on something much more stable and permanent in every way. the time could be right.
(unfortunately, the anticipation and decision making process is taking a toll on my appetite and energy level. eep.)
I'm exhausted. I spent pretty much most of the day out again, after already doing so yesterday with a friend of mine. My anxiety has been really good lately, but today not so much. I almost had an anxiety attack driving this morning, but managed to calm myself. Then I started getting a bit panicky a few hours later when I was in the store. There were so many people out for a Tuesday afternoon, it was a little odd (and overwhelming).
Also, I cannot wait to get these stitches out of my back tomorrow. They're so itchy!
lightheaded. queasy. sleepy. positively anxious / slightly excited and hopeful.
i might make some heavy decisions soon. decisions that i've put off for a heap of years. after about three years in location and job limbo, i think i'm on the verge of resting on something much more stable and permanent in every way. the time could be right.
(unfortunately, the anticipation and decision making process is taking a toll on my appetite and energy level. eep.)
^ Good luck with everything, tele. I'm sure things will work out and fall right into place. :perfect:
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