How are you feeling?

Daniel089

Daniel089

Well-known member
Well I guess I feel better now. I got my mind set on finding a partner for myself. I already wrote to 4 girls, 2 of them already replied. I guess I'm used to rejections & pain & sorrow. I think I learned to move on. I know that I WILL face disappointments in the future too though. But I don't wanna give up...
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
BlueDays said:
But my anger is keeping me awake. :kickingmyself:
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Aye, ah can relate there, BlueDays.

As of late, ah've been thinkin' about ma dad, quite a bit. Even though, it's nearly a year since he died. Eh, it's more regret than sadness, if am honest. Never stood up to him, I didnae say how ah felt - but I notice ah do that quite alot with most people... Never say what ye really think - people f**kin' hate that! But then ah never knew him that well and him the same with me. But then he never made much o' an effort.

Other than constantly underminding ma self-confidence during every occasional visit. That ma overall memory of ma dad - came and went as he pleased, thought I owed him something. :no: And the main reason ah never attended his funeral. Because ah would've heckled his eulogy... Funny, yes, but ah know ah would've done!

It's no easy comin' from a dysfunctional family where you're the "nice, sensable" one (That's me!) because you tend tae keep yer gob shut and no express an opinion or speak ma mind, in case ye offend yer family. Best not tell it like it is, and Scots are known for their straight-forward, matter-of-fact, "Ah don't give a f**k!" attitude. Even talkin' aboot how yer feelin' is off-limits in ma family. Or maybe it just me - the boy that's no allowed tae say how am feelin'? :idontknow: Just keep it inside - the supressed rage, resentments, the quotable snide comments/remarks at my expense. My cruel but humourous comebacks - and put on a brave, "happy", face. That's how taboo the issue of mental illiness is in ma family! No, nae calm, rational discussion of the matter... just pretend everything's fine and f**kin' dandy and get on with it! But then that's mental illiness for ya! Stigmatised! Not talked about. Very hush, hush, umm, we dinnae talk aboot that, eh?!

Aaarggh!! :kickingmyself: Ah think am gonnae just snap, one day, and tell it like it f**kin' is! Tell ma family what ah really think o' them. But then that would be so outta character for me - am nice, am polite, am awfully shy and quiet ah don't sayin' anything outta turn! Only think it...
 
L

lauraa517

Member
i'm so lonely. all i want is one friend to talk to other than my roommate. she already has to deal with all my **** and that isn't fair to her.
 
Lamb

Lamb

Well-known member
I wish I wasn't me. Trying to change actions is a burden in itself. Why can't I just be more daring and outgoing?

Fear is holding me back, and I don't even want to fight it.
 
H

HopelessStranger

Active member
I want to feel the deepest sadness one can feel. I want to squeeze my heart until it explodes. I want to get rid of my heart. That way I can actually live my life. I want someone to crush my soul. Make me a heartless person. That way I can make my family proud. I want it to end already because I know how it ends already. My failings still need to be fixed. Everything is such a dread. Why does life still want to torture me. Hope won't let go of me. Hope is so unclear and the end is so clear. Do I take the unclear road or the clear one. I've always liked the clear one more.
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
Sounds
Rainbow lorikeets roosting in their thousands in the Lemon-scented gums, bird droppings on the shrine of remembrance.
Smell
Fresh paint in the Palms shopping centre renovations
 
Opaline

Opaline

1
I'm honestly really really nervous to go out for my run today. I want to - I NEED to, really, I love it so much that when I skip a day I feel like something's missing - but I'm terrified of running into loose dogs. I'm really going to have to deal with this for the rest of my time as an outdoor runner? I don't want to have to switch to a boring treadmill or indoor track just because of that :sad: If I had to, though, I'd prefer the track over the treadmill. It at least feels more free and real, running in one spot is just odd.
 
J

jaim38

Well-known member
I don't feel much satisfaction from my volunteer job. According to the polls that we posted, people have expressed little or no interest in a consultancy center. Yet despite the evidence, my boss still insists on creating a consultancy center to coach professors. There are consultancy centers within universities, such as this Instructional Design & Educational Technology - Department of Educational Psychology - College of Education - The University of Utah or Center For Instrutional Design | CMU Global Campus
Why would professors use our consultancy center if universities already provide them? Is there even a demand for them? According to the poll results, there seems to be little or no interest in this service.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Next tae nothin', ah might as well be f**kin' dead! Eh, emotionally, ah mean...

Well, ah say next tae nothin': Other than rage at constantly being manipulate by certain family members. Aye, that's it. F**kin' rage...! Kinda rage where the word "f**k" is repeated too many times. And yet ah put up with it because ye cannae tell yer whole family tae "F**k the f**k off!" now, can ye? Because that how ah feel the now, like. Eh, ah don't know...

D'ye ever huv one o' those days where ye think: "Right! Am gonnae tell this c*nt (person) what ah really think o' them" There's alot o' supressed verbal rage within me, that's aw ah know. Quite f**kin' terrfyin', really, tae think what ah'd be like if ah was a bit mair honest an' spoke ma mind. Holy f**k, naebody would f**kin' talk tae me, f**kin' avoid me and rightly so!

Is possible to cut an "apparently close" sibling outta yer life? Ah mean, contact wise. We're no talkin' siamese twin here, or nothin' - aw sorry, a wee joke fur ye, there. :sarcastic: Awfully sad, isn't it, eh?! The fact that ah use humour tae try an' cover up alot of ma emotionally/psychological issues? :sad: Am pretty sure ma mum does that as welll...? Oops, gettin' off-topic, there. Because ah really can't f**kin' stand ma oldest sibling. Just the constantly "Do this or else" attitude and beggin' me tae do somethin' pisses me right the f**k off! It's really does. Am on the f**kin' verge o' utterin' those 4 words aloud: "Ah f**kin' hate ye!" - which isnae good, really. When ye think aboot it! It's quite bad, actually. Anyway, just needed tae get that off ma mind. Vent ma emotions an' aw that stuff... :idontknow: :alone: Sorry aboot the language (The swearing, no the Scottish dialect...)
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
weirdinpublic said:
whoa thats hard to read, not making fun, just never knew people typed in regional dialect.
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Aye, Scottish people do that quite alot - writin' in the regional dialect. It kinda caught on over the years, since alot of TV comedy written and produced in Scotland uses a mix of Scots language dialect and English. Though, havin' said that... if ye think it's hard tae read? Believe me, it's a hellva tae harder understand when it's spoken. :bigsmile:
 
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