Really like that
It is summed up how I am feeling right there. Really blue day. Trying no to think to much of how I feel and distract myself. Quite sad and it is silly, something has changed a man who has been a big part of my life has retired from his job- man is Man Utd manager Sir Alex Ferguson. Not known football without him. Love the game and it is my escapism amongst other things. He had a great career, is an incredible man- it has just come as a surprise he has called it a day, though it had to happen sometime.
I don't really follow football as much as I used to in terms of keepin' up with championships and league matches. Watch it occassionally, though. But yer definitely right, football isn't going to the same without Sir Alex Ferguson. Arguably the greatest football manager ever, when ye look at what he and the teams he managed over the years achieved, not just with Man Utd. Quite a driven, determined guy. Got tae admire him for that. Though, ah wouldnae want tae get him mad... We Scots tend tae losing our cool when we get really mad and get quite aggressive! Well, some of us, anyway. Am I right?
And
"quite" is puttin' it mildly...
Pretty down really, just feel a real failure and don't know where my life is heading or who I am.
Sorry tae hear that, though ah can relate. Since that's exactly how ah've been feelin' as of late.
Nae idea why ah've taken tae writin' in the Scottish dialect? Trouble is... ah cannae seem tae stop maself. :bigsmile:
Made for a good read, can really relate to how you are feeling. It helps to vent and at times words just pour out! That is rubbish that people say that to you when you tell them how you are feeling. Takes a-lot of balls to talk about yourself, especially opening up about your feelings. Could be wrong to say so but think it is even tougher for guys than it is for girls to talk about things. With guys there is this whole need to be strong, harder to admit weakeness and guys just generally don't chat relentlessly as women do or share things with their friends as girls with theirs.
No, I agree with you. It's definitely harder for lads to talk about how they're feelin' since we're expected to be strong, as you said. And ah think it's also more awkward for guys to share how they're feelin' with their friends, as guys seem more likely to make fun of their mate for doing such a thing. Whereas women don't do that to their friends. Not sayin' it any easier for lassies to talk about how they're feelin', either. It's no easy for anyone, lets face it.
Seems you put on an act too sort of hinting by saying you hide behind humour. Real vicious cycle it sounds with the family and you.
Oh aye, very much so. It's complicated, and a wee bit difficult to explain. Ah'll try ma best. Right here goes...:
Well, in ma case, it's true, I put up a front, put on an act. See, I'm overly polite, nice, quiet, shy. Say next tae nothin' but a few words. Don't swear or raise ma voice, that'd be
"outta character" for me. It's like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, if you will. Aye... that's pretty accurate description of ma side of ma personality which I rarely show. You'll see what ah mean by that comparison. Anyway, ramblin' on...
Maist o' the time, right, ah just agree with people and shut up. Ah know, bad ideas but I don't want to get into an argument. Growin' up with 2 older sisters, it's only recent years I've realised that I'm more like ma older sister personality wise than the ma oldest.
What I mean by that is that: We both tend to tell-it-like-it-is, so quite outspoken, - at least in ma case - honest and we both have a tendency to fly off the hand - verbally speakin', of course - when really angry. Or start f**kin' ragin' - if ye want to put it in Scottish slang terms. :bigsmile: But I digress, slightly...
Anyway, ah think when ah say that I hide behind humour, ah mean, the sarcastic, deadpan, matter-of-fact delivery where the line between funny and serious blurred and ye can't really tell which if it's one or the other. You just assume it's meant to be funny - if that makes sense? Can't really think of any explain as such, since I usually stop myself before I say something funny yet cruel and start an argument - this is quite a recurring theme.
Usually I go:
"Ummm..." (go to say something) let out a sigh, and then say: "Aw, forget it! It's doesnae matter, anyway"
To which ma sister usually says:
"Aw, go on. It'll be funny!"
And where it starts tae piss me off, latter half o' that statement. Because - and Scottish accent aside here - not every ah say is intended tae be funny! I guess it's ma own fault for usin' humour as defense? And I suppose that where the vicious cycle begins because if I'm very matter-of-fact, honest, straight-talkin' - most will probably assume I'm being sarcastic. As I said before, deadpan delivery? Yeah, you see what am gettin' at here.
Goin' back to put on the act - sorry if I start ramblin'... Polite, I never swear, raise ma voice, get mad, none o' that! There has been many time where I've wanted to raised ma voice but don't because knowin' ma oldest sister, she'll get a laugh outta it. Probably! Like when I was 15/16 years old, ma mum, and both my sister would say this, almost constantly:
"All men are useless..." - this statement would usually end with: "Ha! Only jokin'..." Or "..aren't they?" Why did they do that? Either...
- To unintentionally undermind ma own confidence? Done ✔
- Start a debate? Un - f**kin' - likely
- Or... because, to my older sisters, provoking me to angry is so hysterically funny? Oh, what's our wee brother gonnae say? This should be a laugh
^
Number 3? Correct! Yay! Insult comedy... F**kin' pure quality, man, eh?! A f**kin' right laugh, indeed! Mental!
Here we, here we... here we f**kin' go!
^ And if you know anything about Scottish humour or comedy, when comes to insults and putdowns, the Scots are
f**kin' brutal! Look no further than the Glaswegian comedians Frankie Boyle and Jerry Sadowitz.
Talkin' aboot supressed rage, eh...?! Buckin' hell! -
oops, only Scots will get that in-joke/reference from certain Scottish sketch comedy TV series.
I guess hiding behind the humour doesnae help me when it comes to being taken seriously, does it? But it's just that I've always got that fear in the back o' ma mind - they're gonnae if ah say this, even though, am just being honest! And I'm always afraid I'll go too far, especially when it comes to jokes at ma expense, especially about my appearance.
Put it this way, right? I have a couple of cruel humour, quite vicious putdowns that would silence that
"You look like a... - insert ignorant Middle East stereotype here -...with that beard"
joke. My sister loves to pull that joke out whenever we're out in public - especially at music gigs or stand-up comedy shows - nae irony there, is there? Naw, am readin' too much intae it, surely?!
Well, she's ma oldest step-sister, technical - same mother, different father. I'm mixed race -
(Half Scottish, half Kenyan, a deadly mixture. On the plus side, a built-in sun tan - get it up ye!) - and ma sister's white Scottish. So, is that above joke racist? Hmmm...? Or more importantly is that joke actually as laugh-out-loud funny as my sister thinks? Judge for yerself...
Anyway, long story short, I think things I wouldnae dare say aloud, unless it's in a very sarcastic tone of voice. And there's a huge difference between what ah say out loud, and what I actually think - if that makes any sense? Eh, ah probably didnae explain aw that too well, did ah? Am no too sure tae be honest.
Ach, anyway... ah've rambled on for long enough. Okay, enough o' me talkin' sh*te! Am outta here.
