How are you feeling?

weirdinpublic said: ↑

🙂 That's Awesome. Hope you have a good Day.

Ah'll try ma best... 🤭 No idea why what ah just said is funny. Probably because of the dour Scottishness of it? Try ma best? Makes it sound like somethin' impossible, doesn't it?

Though, am feelin' a wee bit better after that previous rant. So that good, ah guess...? :idontknow: :thumbup: Am no too sure o' maself. :bigsmile:

weirdinpublic said: ↑

I feel dizzy. I am just starting methadone and finally getting to the stable dose level and at its peak,it is a bit dizzying.

I wish you the best, I wish you progress and I hope you won´t be feeling too bad

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Is possible to cut an "apparently close" sibling outta yer life? Ah mean, contact wise. We're no talkin' siamese twin here, or nothin' - aw sorry, a wee joke fur ye, there. Awfully sad, isn't it, eh?! The fact that ah use humour tae try an' cover up alot of ma emotionally/psychological issues? :sad: Am pretty sure ma mum does that as welll...? Oops, gettin' off-topic, there. Because ah really can't f**kin' stand ma oldest sibling. Just the constantly "Do this or else" attitude and beggin' me tae do somethin' pisses me right the f**k off! It's really does. Am on the f**kin' verge o' utterin' those 4 words aloud: "Ah f**kin' hate ye!" - which isnae good, really. When ye think aboot it! It's quite bad, actually.

I have sometimes wanted to cut off contact with certain people in my life (family members or other people that I have been "forced" to deal with, for instance ex-partner´s family....) It´s definitely possible..I mean, life is too short, right? Or at least make some distance instead of constantly getting bothered by certain people.
I recently cut off all contact with a family member, well I didn´t see her very often, but still, I would visit her and help her out with practical things, and she´s ill so I wanted to be there for her. But then she did/said things that were so out of line that I (and my parents) decided to not have contact with her anymore...

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Though, am feelin' a wee bit better after that previous rant. So that good, ah guess...? :idontknow: :thumbup: Am no too sure o' maself.

It´s good that you´re feeling a little better..! 🙂

The weather today is just gorgeous and beautiful. After a long cold dark winter everything comes alive on a day like this; flowers, trees, birds, smiles, dreams.

^It's the same here, on the other side of atlantic 😀

Opaline said: ↑

I'm honestly really really nervous to go out for my run today. I want to - I NEED to, really, I love it so much that when I skip a day I feel like something's missing - but I'm terrified of running into loose dogs. I'm really going to have to deal with this for the rest of my time as an outdoor runner? I don't want to have to switch to a boring treadmill or indoor track just because of that :sad: If I had to, though, I'd prefer the track over the treadmill. It at least feels more free and real, running in one spot is just odd.

Yeah if you live in town, the areas around are dominated by people with dogs, and it sucks going jogging there. When I was in Germany, I once met someone with aggresive rotveiler who was loose and he let him almost attack me, he was standing next to me barking and trying to bite, I was scared and didn´t know what to do. The man had a smirk on his face and apparently enjoyed it, he let him bother me for like 5 minutes and didn´t even have the basic courtesy to call him.

Nanita said: ↑

I have sometimes wanted to cut off contact with certain people in my life (family members or other people that I have been "forced" to deal with, for instance ex-partner´s family....) It´s definitely possible..I mean, life is too short, right? Or at least make some distance instead of constantly getting bothered by certain people.
I recently cut off all contact with a family member, well I didn´t see her very often, but still, I would visit her and help her out with practical things, and she´s ill so I wanted to be there for her. But then she did/said things that were so out of line that I (and my parents) decided to not have contact with her anymore...

So, I'd probably be better off distancin' myself? Because it's comin' tae the point where I feel like snappin' at ma oldest sibling - who, recently, admitted being a "control freak". Oh, but it's justified as "...only tryin' tae help". Yet doesn't like hearin' the word "No". It's pretty much the same situation as I had with ma dad before he passed away.

Basically, it comes down to - do somethin' slightly outta character or put up with it, as I've been doing? I mean, the emotional manipulation, feelin' ah don't have a choice because "We're family..." How do I put it with? Easy, selective mutism comes in quite hand for that - keep quiet, say next tae nothin'. Or as ma cousin so brilliant put it: "Keep yer resentments to yerself, it's better that way..."

Am still feelin' quite conflicted about cuttin' contact, since ma oldest sister still think we're close. And if ah tell it like it is (how am actually feelin'), she'd probably be quite devastated. Since ma other older sister - who's only a few years older than me - already did the same, or at least doesnae talk to our oldest sibling as much - and that was 2 years ago. And if ah now do the same, I'll probably get accused of "takin' sides" by ma oldest sister as she does, everytime ah disagree with her. Because she's "...rarely ever wrong" - actual quote, by the way. Or I'm "being told tae say that..." by ma mum. So ye see why ah keep tae myself alot. :sad:

Lea said: ↑

Yeah if you live in town, the areas around are dominated by people with dogs, and it sucks going jogging there. When I was in Germany, I once met someone with aggresive rotveiler who was loose and he let him almost attack me, he was standing next to me barking and trying to bite, I was scared and didn´t know what to do. The man had a smirk on his face and apparently enjoyed it, he let him bother me for like 5 minutes and didn´t even have the basic courtesy to call him.

Wow. That makes me so angry to read. I was walking in the park once and a couple had their dog on a leash but they let the leash go so the dog could come up to me, it startled me and I stammered "I'm sorry I don't like dogs" and they were just smirking as they walked away, didn't say a word.

Opaline said: ↑

Wow. That makes me so angry to read. I was walking in the park once and a couple had their dog on a leash but they let the leash go so the dog could come up to me, it startled me and I stammered "I'm sorry I don't like dogs" and they were just smirking as they walked away, didn't say a word.

I sometimes wondered if it´s better to jog in town, especially if it´s a small town or a suburb with close forest, at the weekend everyone is out with dogs in the forest and the town is empty :bigsmile:.

joule said: ↑

Well Mikey, I got the opportunity to attend a lecture on the Higgs boson by none other than Peter Higgs. 🙂

careful, i heard he's a player

^ you could say he is a player of cosmic proportions

Like I've been injected with a dose of adrenaline. I'm so tempted to just run around outside, but I feel like it's too late to do so and don't feel like throwing a hoodie on.

joule said: ↑

Well Mikey, I got the opportunity to attend a lecture on the Higgs boson by none other than Peter Higgs. 🙂

That's already over my simple mind but that is really, really cool. 🙂

Tryin' not tae let something get to me... :kickingmyself: Seems like such a trivial thing tae get pissed off about, tae be honest.

my good mood destroyed by my mother. I want permanent rest

hd27 said: ↑

my good mood destroyed by my mother. I want permanent rest

I can relate somewhat - well, the good mood being destroyed by a certain family member. That, ah can relate to. Won't go into detail...

Anyway, hope you feel better. :thumbup:

I went to bed last night feeling angry but today it's much better. I spoke up and conveyed what was bothering me.

Ummmmmmm... The weather outside is looking kind of scary and getting scarier by the second, and I'm all alone in the house on the second floor where I can see the scary clouds even better D:

Anyone wanna come over and watch TV? I have Oreos!

Struggling...last night was really tough.

Anyone here in South Florida? Wish I could be around someone else with this life crippling problem. I'm guessing I'd feel less self-conscious around a fellow sufferer.

I can´t go on, I am so psychically depleted and that´s most important for being able to proceed. I really can´t help myself anymore. I don´t know what I´m going to do, I need some miracle probably. I would stop trying at least for a while but I can´t because this living at home is unbearable. I am running out of time, my CV is getting ****tier every day and month, I am so depressed that I´m only staring the doom in the face unable to do anything. And the thought, that my father holds most of the keys from my life, that he is the only person who could help me most, he could get me going if he wanted, instead the whole life he´s doing the exact opposite, he is tearing me down and makes sure I never crawl out of the mud, in case I do a bit he kicks me right back in. He seems to have some sadistic enjoyment of making me suffer. He stole me money from 2,5 years of slaving in Germany years ago, while other parents pay their children studies, weddings, houses. It all makes me so sick and I can´t help crying. Is rude to me all the time, he thinks I am not a human or am just some **** to kick when he is angry, he has no considereation for me as human being at all. I guess if he wanted he could help me to find a job or borrow me money to go abroad and look, it´s not much comparing to what other parents do for their children. And even though it´s not much it would make a hell of difference to me. But as I say, I am not a human. All he can do is shout at me, mock and humiliate for nothing.

^
sorry you two. i hope you both feel better.

for me, i'm really at a crossroads. i think i have realised that being a housebound recluse means i'm not really living. out there with all the struggles and enemies (even though i hate being consumed by all its negativity) i'm actually truly alive. i guess i have to make the decision to face all those fears again. in a way i guess i have to come out of retirement.