every day when the sun comes up I just wish I was dead. There is no adventure in life anymore. I am living in my ideal location now, but no matter what, geographical cures just don't work. I am better here, but it's not what I imagined. I just wake up and start crying. How many years can I put up with this? Went to food shelf last night and felt like a loser. I can't afford to do anything now that I'm in the perfect location. Great. Sit and watch others live life while I take a bus to the therapist. Thanks for letting me vent!
My bladder doesn't feel so good. Today is unusual. I woke up early with a full bladder, and needed to go to the restroom bad. But my brother's taking such a long shower in our shared restroom, so I had to use my parents' restroom. After I was done, I went back to sleep. I need roughly 8 hours give or take, of sleep; otherwise I will crash later during the day. I've pulled all nighters before and at the beginning, I feel great and energetic. But later on, that's when I crash. Anyways, I usually wake up in the middle of the night to empty my bladder because I drink a lot of water. But this time for some reason, I didn't wake up. Instead, I woke up later feeling a bit of pain in my bladder.
It reminds me of when I used to live in an apartment with my brother. We had only 1 bathroom. There were several times when I seriously needed to go to the restroom but he was in there for 1 - 1.5 hours taking a shower or something. It was H*ll. I couldn't sit because it was so uncomfortable so I had to limp around. I knocked at the restroom door but usually, he still takes a long time to get out. I didn't want to use the neighbors' restrooms because they didn't like me. I even considered peeing in a bag, but that was the last resort.
I'm glad it's different now because there are 2 restrooms here.
i'm not feeling that great. i kinda feel like no matter what i do in life, the fact that i have severe anxiety and general emotional instability, will turn everything i touch into failure. and that i'll never be commended for trying despite it, rather i'll be slated for not being good enough or trying hard enough. :sad:
Just really pissed that I tried joining a gym. So stupid. I should have known there wouldn't be only a joining fee at first. I thought I would be disappointed that I couldn't get access to certain things but no, I couldn't join because I'm so stupid and what I was suppose to do.
Then I go on FB trying to express my feelings but knowing I will just get ignored and people will thinking I'm just looking for "attention". Yeah I guess people are suppose to be social and get ignore :/
I feel like ****, life is just getting worse for me...
Stay positive.
It may be difficult sometimes but just get all of those feelings out whatever way. Then relax and be positive. I have to remember that I have to stay positive and believe in myself and one day it will get better. I'm getting there.
Because I hate my job so much I've been trying to learn something new so that I could make a decent living without breaking my back everyday. The problems with my current emotional state is interferring with me in the worse way. I don't know what saddens me more; looking back at my miserable past, my crummy present life, or what may become of me in the future if I don't get over this.
I'm feeling a lot better than I have done all week. All of my digestive tract is still very tender and I have to move and breathe slowly to avoid pain. My energy level is still incredibly low - even just standing in the kitchen putting cereal into a bowl is exhausting at the moment. 🤨 But I can eat again! only very small amounts (say half a medium banana at a time), but it's something!
I estimate that I shall be pain-free by Sunday, and my energy levels should be back some time early next week...
Apathetic. Ah wish ah didnae huv tae please everyone aw the time.
Am no much o' a believer in past lives, but ah think ah might've been a slave in a previous life. Ah know that's... controversal, borderline offensive comin' fae me.
Oh my good Jaysus I am in real trouble. I have been working my arse off all week getting projects in. I just have one left and tomorrow is the deadline, the last day of college. This project is huuuge. I really need this but it's due at 10am and it's nearly 5am now. I'm sitting on about 2/3 complete. I can not stay awake. I feel sick I'm so tired. This is not a good situation.
Get off SPW and get your work done! *kicks joule in the backside* 🙂 Coffee! Coffee will fix you up.
Oh my good Jaysus I am in real trouble. I have been working my arse off all week getting projects in. I just have one left and tomorrow is the deadline, the last day of college. This project is huuuge. I really need this but it's due at 10am and it's nearly 5am now. I'm sitting on about 2/3 complete. I can not stay awake. I feel sick I'm so tired. This is not a good situation.
Well, if worse come worst, then you should just turn in what you have completed. Any grade is better than a 0. Just don't run yourself into the ground to try to complete this:🙁:.
Done and done 🙂 Actually I was jus taking a 2 min coffee break out cos the words started blurring, Im back at it now.
Unfortunately not running myself into the ground is not an option. This is worth 50% of my final grade for three different classes, I can not mess it up. I will get it in tomorrow ...but I will pay for it with spoons.
I will be doing a spoon collection here on Sunday so that I can get through finals next week. Yup, I only 2 days between last projects in and exams beginning.
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