How are you feeling?

In need of determination friends... I'm no longer on the same wavelength with the people I know as friends. They're all ahead.

Ye know that sad, depressing realisation that yer life has pretty much pointless up tae this point... Or at least, life seems to be passing you by - wi' each an' every year? Aye, that feeling.

Counting doon tae ma birthday - yay! Big whoop! So ye survived another 12 months, yer alive and huv'nae died, yet! That's all yer celebrating! Each year is still another closer to death. But, oh, we dinnae want tae think aboot that, dae we? Naw! Because it just mean it's still to early tae start planning the funeral!

Aye, ah said it! Get tae fuc...! Sorry, thinkin' oot loud, there. Tae paraphrase: Ah hate birthday(s)! (Ah cannae even begin tae explain the Scottish dourness and cynicism required tae emphasise the miserableness o' that statement!) :thumbdown: Anyway. Am ramblin' noo, so... Off. Ah. F**k. :sarcastic:

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Ye know that sad, depressing realisation that yer life has pretty much pointless up tae this point... Or at least, life seems to be passing you by - wi' each an' every year? Aye, that feeling.

Counting doon tae ma birthday - yay! Big whoop! So ye survived another 12 months, yer alive and huv'nae died, yet! That's all yer celebrating! Each year is still another closer to death. But, oh, we dinnae want tae think aboot that, dae we? Naw! Because it just mean it's still to early tae start planning the funeral!

Aye, ah said it! Get tae fuc...! Sorry, thinkin' oot loud, there. Tae paraphrase: Ah hate birthday(s)! (Ah cannae even begin tae explain the Scottish dourness and cynicism required tae emphasise the miserableness o' that statement!) :thumbdown: Anyway. Am ramblin' noo, so... Off. Ah. F**k. :sarcastic:

Yeah I'm with ya Gra, I hate my birthday....I always get so down a month before it comes. It makes me look back on all the years and feel down about not having achieved a better life, BUT then I have to remind myself of the sh.it I've had to deal with and try and overcome....it's been quite a journey.

It just breaks my heart that it's not the journey I wanted. I just hold hope in my heart that things will get better and that hopefully I will achieve a happy life that I can be proud of instead of just surviving.

I hope you feel a bit better soon.

mixedupgirl said: ↑

Yeah I'm with ya Gra, I hate my birthday....I always get so down a month before it comes. It makes me look back on all the years and feel down about not having achieved a better life, BUT then I have to remind myself of the sh.it I've had to deal with and try and overcome....it's been quite a journey.

It just breaks my heart that it's not the journey I wanted. I just hold hope in my heart that things will get better and that hopefully I will achieve a happy life that I can be proud of instead of just surviving.

I hope you feel a bit better soon.

Aye, am the same... Though, huvin' cerebral palsy does kinda makes things wee bit more depressing for me, when it comes to ma birthday, personally. But that a whole other story/angry rant against the whole sad state of society as a whole when comes to how we - collective - treat the disabled, especially here in the UK.

^But again, let's no get intae that... wouldnae want tae get political and start about that! :sarcastic: Anyway... ah'll awright soon. Comedy. Music and childhood nostalgia seem tae keep me going. Ah know that last one came as a shock tae me as well. :bigsmile: 🤭

Not feeling great to be honest. I had a decent time but something's bothering me. I'm alarmed at how often this happens after social encounters. I leave feeling dissatisfied and bothered. Why? Is it because I feel insecure/socially hypersensitive, so I leave feeling like something must have gone wrong, or that I wasn't treated the way I wanted to be/paranoid that I came across as awkward?

Often I feel like I look nervous but people tell me I was fine and you couldn't tell; and then other times I think I was fine and I'm told I seemed "quiet". Can't win, I guess. I'd love to be able to just not care altogether and be myself, but social phobia doesn't work that way. It's a struggle. Either way, I feel crummy, sad, and... lonely, strangely enough. The feelings are almost unbearable in intensity. Looking forward to sleep.

Pensive.

I managed to be assertive at the wrong time and in the wrong manner. Yelled at my mate's best friend (first encounter meeting him) to f**k off and go home in front of his girlfriend due to a misunderstanding..

It's resolved now but lately I've felt like a firecracker ready to explode.


They thought I might have Tourettes since the night had been going so well too..:oh:
It was very out of character. My mate's jaw dropped in astonishment.

I fear having another reaction like this. =/

angry.
.........

Opaline said: ↑

Not feeling great to be honest. I had a decent time but something's bothering me. I'm alarmed at how often this happens after social encounters. I leave feeling dissatisfied and bothered. Why? Is it because I feel insecure/socially hypersensitive, so I leave feeling like something must have gone wrong, or that I wasn't treated the way I wanted to be/paranoid that I came across as awkward?

Often I feel like I look nervous but people tell me I was fine and you couldn't tell; and then other times I think I was fine and I'm told I seemed "quiet". Can't win, I guess. I'd love to be able to just not care altogether and be myself, but social phobia doesn't work that way. It's a struggle. Either way, I feel crummy, sad, and... lonely, strangely enough. The feelings are almost unbearable in intensity. Looking forward to sleep.

Perhaps you're over-thinking how you acted and going through all the minutiae of the day. I'm sure you acted fine and everyone enjoyed your company. 🙂

Lamb said: ↑

Pensive.

I managed to be assertive at the wrong time and in the wrong manner. Yelled at my mate's best friend (first encounter meeting him) to f**k off and go home in front of his girlfriend due to a misunderstanding..

It's resolved now but lately I've felt like a firecracker ready to explode.


They thought I might have Tourettes since the night had been going so well too..:oh:
It was very out of character. My mate's jaw dropped in astonishment.

I fear having another reaction like this. =/

That's a bad outburst, Lamb! Sounds like you've been having this build up for a little while. Is something else bothering you?

MikeyC said: ↑

That's a bad outburst, Lamb! Sounds like you've been having this build up for a little while. Is something else bothering you?

You're telling me!
I think it was just a collection of sitting on my emotions when they're negative instead of expressing them for well, years. Top it off with a couple of assumptions and insecurity, I decided I wasn't going to be the calm, communicative one and instead get some feelings off my chest; deal with the repercussions later.

The funny thing is I felt better afterwards and didn't give a hoot.. until the next day. It was quite liberating which is why I fear it now. Thanks for asking Mikey.

Tired from working. Was in a good mood earlier, but I'm in a low one now (thanks, Facebook).

Lamb said: ↑

You're telling me!
I think it was just a collection of sitting on my emotions when they're negative instead of expressing them for well, years. Top it off with a couple of assumptions and insecurity, I decided I wasn't going to be the calm, communicative one and instead get some feelings off my chest; deal with the repercussions later.

The funny thing is I felt better afterwards and didn't give a hoot.. until the next day. It was quite liberating which is why I fear it now. Thanks for asking Mikey.

It is liberating because you've finally decided to break free from the restraints of being quiet and absorbing all the negativity thrown at you. That was your inner self saying, "enough is enough!"

You have to watch the threshold of being assertive and being angry is, too. As long as you don't cross it, you'll be okay. 🙂

Failure flavours success much more sweetly.

I feel sick and felt too bad to make the 80 mile round trip to class today. Somehow this choice is going to bite me.

Depressed and crying, everything sux so much. I can´t see any reasonable solution, everything is cursed. I don´t know how someone can be happy. Where do they get it from. I can´t face the competition of others even remotely, the latest idiot is still better than me. I hate not having work, and I hate work, them hating me. I am sick of still the same ****. I am also tired of still pretending that I am normal, don´t mind anything, can do everything, nothing is a problem. Always ready to help, reliable, responsible etc. What for, when they get rid of me insidiously like of ill dog anyway, because I am not the right type. **** YOU ALL.

Lea said: ↑

Depressed and crying, everything sux so much. I can´t see any reasonable solution, everything is cursed. I don´t know how someone can be happy. Where do they get it from. I can´t face the competition of others even remotely, the latest idiot is still better than me. I hate not having work, and I hate work, them hating me. I am sick of still the same ****. I am also tired of still pretending that I am normal, don´t mind anything, can do everything, nothing is a problem. Always ready to help, reliable, responsible etc. What for, when they get rid of me insidiously like of ill dog anyway, because I am not the right type. **** YOU ALL.

*hugs* Lea. Hang in there.

Lea said: ↑

Depressed and crying, everything sux so much. I can´t see any reasonable solution, everything is cursed. I don´t know how someone can be happy. Where do they get it from. I can´t face the competition of others even remotely, the latest idiot is still better than me. I hate not having work, and I hate work, them hating me. I am sick of still the same ****. I am also tired of still pretending that I am normal, don´t mind anything, can do everything, nothing is a problem. Always ready to help, reliable, responsible etc. What for, when they get rid of me insidiously like of ill dog anyway, because I am not the right type. **** YOU ALL.

I know, compassion seems to be becoming less and less affordable in this world :thumbdown:
(((Hugs))) I hope you can find something to help improve your situation soon lea.

Lea said: ↑

Depressed and crying, everything sux so much. I can´t see any reasonable solution, everything is cursed. I don´t know how someone can be happy. Where do they get it from. I can´t face the competition of others even remotely, the latest idiot is still better than me. I hate not having work, and I hate work, them hating me. I am sick of still the same ****. I am also tired of still pretending that I am normal, don´t mind anything, can do everything, nothing is a problem. Always ready to help, reliable, responsible etc. What for, when they get rid of me insidiously like of ill dog anyway, because I am not the right type. **** YOU ALL.

🙁 Really sorry you´re feeling low. But yeah I sure know how it feels; everything being cursed and no solutions.
Hang in there.. I guess is the only thing I can suggest. Hanging in there, to me means that I just gotta survive until I feel a little better again.

Thank you all for encouragement, I should rather be hanging on the tree by now though.

Lea said: ↑

Depressed and crying, everything sux so much. I can´t see any reasonable solution, everything is cursed. I don´t know how someone can be happy. Where do they get it from. I can´t face the competition of others even remotely, the latest idiot is still better than me. I hate not having work, and I hate work, them hating me. I am sick of still the same ****. I am also tired of still pretending that I am normal, don´t mind anything, can do everything, nothing is a problem. Always ready to help, reliable, responsible etc. What for, when they get rid of me insidiously like of ill dog anyway, because I am not the right type. **** YOU ALL.

I'm sorry Lea, I hope you feel better 🙁

Opaline said: ↑

I'm sorry Lea, I hope you feel better 🙁

Thank you. I have very poor repertoire in my head, my thoughts are one bigger **** than the other. Still circulating around from it is not possible to I cannot, so it goes on whole time till it gets me exhausted to tears. I have applied through agency for jobs in Germany, and put some adverts on internet like before although they don´t bring much and if, then it can be dishonest jerks like recently. But have to do anything, main thing is to do something. When I was younger and looked for jobs abroad, I remember I was so eager and excited to find someting. But now, I just know in advance I will be fired anyway so why bother, I don´t know if not giving up here is the right way to go, on the contrary it´s probably foolish, I should just stop doing things that I hate and for which I am not the right type, but I am not right type for ANYTHING. And can´t learn anything new now from scratch either, everything needs years of school or apprentice etc., for which now is too late. Besides I am so depressed I lost all my creative interest which I used to have in childhood. I hate applying for jobs, I am ashamed of my CV which screams I am an idiot, I hate presenting myself to them trying my best only for them kicking me in the butt. I think there is no point traveling too far, I wish the job was as near to the border as possible, because of travel expenses. I wouldn´t mind traveling far if I had at least some security that I could stay, but just for the sake of them looking at me considering I am no good it is an expensive joke.