How are you feeling?

springk said: ↑

unMotivated- so much work to do and so less motivation. I m afraid this day turns out another pathetic one.

Same here. :idontknow:

Depressed. Ashamed. The usual.

Constantly ignored. Gee, nothin' new there! Startin' tae wonder whether ma family would really miss me if ah wasnae here anymair? :sad: Ah mean, they treat me like am pretty much non-existent anyway...? But then, am use tae it. Aye, that's right, am use tae it! Use tae being:

• Ignored
  
• Taken advantage of
  
• Belittled
  
• Mocked
  
• Ridiculed
  
• Laughed at when ah start ragging (gettin' really mad in other word)[/SIZE]
  
• Laughed at for ma matter o' fact way of talkin' at times an' tellin' it like it is
  
• ...And generally, treated like am a f**kin' idiot!
  

F**K! F**K! F**K! F**K! :kickingmyself:

Ah would stand up for masel' but ye cannae tell yer family what ye really think o' them! Withoot hurtin' their feelings! :crying:
But then, ye also cannae spell "dysfunctional" withoot "functional", can ye? :bigsmile:

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Constantly ignored. Gee, nothin' new there! Startin' tae wonder whether ma family would really miss me if ah wasnae here anymair? :sad: Ah mean, they treat me like am pretty much non-existent anyway...? But then, am use tae it. Aye, that's right, am use tae it! Use tae being:

• Ignored
  
• Taken advantage of
  
• Belittled
  
• Mocked
  
• Ridiculed
  
• Laughed at when ah start ragging (gettin' really mad in other word)[/SIZE]
  
• Laughed at for ma matter o' fact way of talkin' at times an' tellin' it like it is
  
• ...And generally, treated like am a f**kin' idiot!
  

F**K! F**K! F**K! F**K! :kickingmyself:

Ah would stand up for masel' but ye cannae tell yer family what ye really think o' them! Withoot hurtin' their feelings! :crying:
But then, ye also cannae spell "dysfunctional" withoot "functional", can ye?

:🙁: @ That list. I wish I could give you a hug. You are very strong because to feel all those things seems very awful. You have so much inner conflict and I get it, I'm so sorry, like always I think you're wonderful.

GraybeardGhost said: ↑

Depressed. Ashamed. The usual.

Me too. Depressed and Ashamed.

joule said: ↑

Surprisingly well.

Well not at first. At first I was waiting 25 mins and I veryyyy nearly walked out. But then this guy came over to me and he was amazing. He let me read my own magazine instead of forcing a lot of sh.ite celebrity mags on me and he didn't try to talk to me and he did a great job and didn't butcher my hair. So I think the most successful hairdressers session Ive ever had. So that knocks the last most successful hairdressers session from last year off no.1 (the non english speaking salon, they didnt talk to me but they didn't cut my hair how I wanted it haha true story )

I´m glad it turned out to be a good experience. I hate going to hairdressers, because they always talk too much and ask questions like "so, what do you do (for a living)", which is the worst question anyone can ask me.. I´m so tired of that question, I freak out (on the inside) when I hear it!

Lamb said: ↑

Resigned.

Tired of battling depression. It feels like an emotional disease that will never be gotten rid of. I don't know what is keeping me from attempting suicide. Maybe that's the rock bottom that I need.

I get so depressed too. It comes and goes, but never completely dissapears, it has been like that for many many years now. I often want to die, but I just can´t do it.

Nathália said: ↑

:🙁: @ That list. I wish I could give you a hug. You are very strong because to feel all those things seems very awful. You have so much inner conflict and I get it, I'm so sorry, like always I think you're wonderful.

Hug? Aw, go on then:

Aye, that list... Awfy, but ah think "what can ye do, really?" Naebody seems tae listen, so why bother talking? Talkin' about yer feelings seems somewhat taboo in ma family, anyway. So ah dinnae really open up much, don't feel comfortable enough. Or trust enought confide in anyone.

They've heard it all before. Sayin' "Aw, here we go again...!" before ah've even said how am feelin' tells me all ah need tae know.

So... Just keep yer feelings and resentments tae yersel', ah guess?

Denial and no takin' things seriously seems tae be rule o' thumb in ma family. At least, ignore a problem or make light o' it until the person wi' the issues shut the f**k up about it! Sayin' how ye feel in ma family usually starts a verbal riot, anyway! Or argument as they're commonly known. So best tae no say anything - ah've become emotionally passive aggressive over the year tae help maintain that. Ah know, that's bad!

Ah don't know, though. The untreated selective mutism certainly doesnae exactly make things any easier. Though, it does piss me off being telt tae talk more or people makin' a joke of how quiet ah usually am and sayin': "Ah'll come back when yer a bit more talkative!" Ha-ha-ha! Yeah, real funny, bawbag! Anyway, that's another story...
Inner conflict...?! Ach aye, ah've got that doon! Am like George Costanza from Seinfeld.

Oh! Thanks for the compliment, by the way! :shyness: You're wonderful, too. :thumbup:

Butterflies in my stomach. Something must have laid eggs in there.

Not good at all. Sick with the flu and have a lot of financial stress. Our utilities are going to be shut off (our electric is scheduled for the 21st of March) and we have absolutely no money. Local "resources" are unwilling to help. I'm on the verge of checking myself into the mental hospital. The only thing making me NOT do it, is my husband. I couldn't leave him behind to deal with all of this on his own.

I hate feeling so alone. And everything is aggravating me to hell right now.

joule said: ↑

Me too! I hate that!

Or when they ask 'so any plans for the weekend' or'getting your hair done for a special night?' or 'Any holidays booked?'

I too dislike the awkward conversations with hairdressers.
If only they'd just shush and focus on the hair-cut itself!

...crushed

At this present exact moment I'm feeling really not good and I don't know why but I'm just having mini panic attacks and I don't know if it's stress or what it is but I'm just really not well at the moment and want to hurt myself. And I want to analyze why I'm freaking out but I am SO tired of analyzing every little thing about everything because that's all I do all the time. I skipped like 50 songs on itunes and can't find anything that is listenable right now and crying for the first time in a very long time. Nothings wrong nothings wrong with my life nothings wrong with anything but I'm still feeling so stupid.

Well now I'm feeling ok, but that's how I was feeling 20 minutes ago. Writing it out helped I guess.

Shattered ...

hidwell said: ↑

Shattered ...

What has happened hidwell?:sad:
You can PM me if you need to talk to someone.

Depressed, conflicted and confused as usual.... Been so stressed, lately, ah actually gave intae ma urge tae self-harm. Not good, ah know... :sad:

I was kinda freaking out last night but I'm better now.

Anxious. I am becoming increasingly self conscious when in public and I keep having these random welling up of some emotion that makes me begin to cry at innapropriate times. This morning I went to a cafe for breakfast and was siting alone and I became aware of the music that was being played. I began to focus on the singers voice and I suddenly felt tears welling up. The past few months, this has been happening quite frequently. I will remember a situation or person and I will begin to feel the surge of sadness and tears.
So far, I can stop, wipe my eyes and pretend that it is o.k. I am concerned that others may be able to tell that I have been crying/upset and this is making me a little nervous. I am also worried that there may come a situation that will trigger an emotional release that I cannot reel in and control. This happened the other day when I met my brother at a cafe. He is recently separated and was discussing how a therapist was helping him to deal with the pain of re-evaluating goals and dreams. I began to cry and I couldn't stop. Not loud crying, just tears. He was really understanding and two young women who were seated next to us didn't say anything nor move away. I felt incredibly awkward though, and whilst I know it is ok to express sadness, I am a bit worried that my sadness is getting out of hand, starting to dominate my thoughts and actions. I am eating o.k., my sleep is uninterupted but I am still struggling to get excited about doing any physical activity more strenuous than walking.

I need will power..n determination.
To realize that this wont lead me anywhere

Andy Dufresne: You know what the Mexicans say about the Pacific?
Red: No
Andy Dufresne: They say it has no memory. That's where I want to live the rest of my life. A warm place with no memory.

Subpop said: ↑

Anxious. I am becoming increasingly self conscious when in public and I keep having these random welling up of some emotion that makes me begin to cry at innapropriate times. This morning I went to a cafe for breakfast and was siting alone and I became aware of the music that was being played. I began to focus on the singers voice and I suddenly felt tears welling up. The past few months, this has been happening quite frequently. I will remember a situation or person and I will begin to feel the surge of sadness and tears.
So far, I can stop, wipe my eyes and pretend that it is o.k. I am concerned that others may be able to tell that I have been crying/upset and this is making me a little nervous. I am also worried that there may come a situation that will trigger an emotional release that I cannot reel in and control. This happened the other day when I met my brother at a cafe. He is recently separated and was discussing how a therapist was helping him to deal with the pain of re-evaluating goals and dreams. I began to cry and I couldn't stop. Not loud crying, just tears. He was really understanding and two young women who were seated next to us didn't say anything nor move away. I felt incredibly awkward though, and whilst I know it is ok to express sadness, I am a bit worried that my sadness is getting out of hand, starting to dominate my thoughts and actions. I am eating o.k., my sleep is uninterupted but I am still struggling to get excited about doing any physical activity more strenuous than walking.

I know the feeling! I never actually cry but sometimes my ears tear up. I just feel so down and broken that I just can't keep it together anymore.

.........Maybe it's from suppressing feelings for so long?.....I don't know.