Did your parents teach you to stand up for yourself?

Did your parents teach you to stand up for yourself?

  • Total voters
    97
Bernadette

Bernadette

New member
Hello, all. This is my first post on this forum, -after reading for a few days I feel like I've come home.
I am overweight, and was chubby even as a child. I was severly bullied in every way but physically from, maybe the age of 5, I don't really know, until, -well, you know how it is, -it feels like it never stopped, but I guess the last time someone came out and said something nasty to me was years and years ago now. I still have their voices with me every day, though. They are part of the fabric of my life. But soon they will be memories, and not something I experience every day. I am in therapy, and WILL be free!:D

This thread confirms something I've been thinking of for years. I was always told to ignore the bulliers, and my friends were even told to not stand up for me. The result is it was all undisputed, -every single word and smirk and laugh, and I think a protest, however weak it would have been, would have been better.
I have loving, caring parents, but I think they made some mistakes in regards to my bullying.
I have become very unconfrontational, can't even stand to watch debates on tv, have a hard time becoming angry without just bursting into tears.

If I knew someone who was a victim of bullying now, I would tell them to somehow voice their disagreement. I don't think the worst of the bulliers would care, -hell, some of the nastiest would get a kick out of it, -BUT, you would know that you did not agree.

I am 37 now, and I only discovered a few years ago that until that day I agreed with them all. I felt that I deserved every foul word, -the only thing I wanted was for them to not point out my obvious shortcomings. In fact, I totally one hundred % believed that everyone had the same view, that I WAS that nasty, ugly, disgusting person. The people who never bullied me were just being more polite than the bullies. That's all I was hoping for, -politeness.

This huge revelation made me very cautiously consider the possibility that not everyone thought I was ugly.
I started looking at other things this shallow world seems to despise, like men losing their hair, for example.
I have never understood the problem with this. Whether or not a man has lots of hair makes no difference to how attractive I find him, and I know this goes for many of my girlfriends too. I guess we look at other things, and I don't mean we only look at the personality, -it's the whole package, and I guess his eyes or smile or other things matter to me. I am totally honest when I say that hairloss or lack of hair does not matter at all.
Yet this is meant to be SUCH a big deal for a man, and there are thousands of products out there promising miracles for the poor guys "suffering" from this.

The reason why I mention this is, that this made me realize one thing.
If lots of women see it this way, then maybe, just MAYBE, there might be some truth to it when someone says my size doesn't matter, and that it actually doesn't totally revolt them.
This was a big eyeopener for me. From being totally certain of being disgusting, only having the hope of one day losing the weight and becoming normal, -to this, -a tiny doubt, -maybe I am not so bad after all, just the way I am?

Slowly my shoulders are coming down. It took 30 years.
If someone had told me to stand up and fight for myself, maybe I wouldn't have believed them for as long as I did?
 
iamthenra

iamthenra

Well-known member
Never remember a time when I was ever taught to stand up for myself. I avoid confrontation and I have a very difficult time saying no to anyone. People walk all over me most of the time, and only when pushed beyond my threshold do I ever say anything... I remember a fight I was in when I was a little kid, and these bullies were pushing me around for some time, and it was like the 20th push that I lost it and fought back. I took the bully by surprise and I had him in a headlock and was pounding on his face... Weird....?
 
mrb

mrb

Well-known member
hmmm well when i was bullied at school , i told my parents my mother said oh you poor thing , shall i go to the school see the headmaster kiss kiss , now my old man said OI WHAT THE **** IS THE MATTER WITH YOU :mad: SMACK HIM IN THE ****ING MOUTH :mad: hmmmm yea sounds all great dad but hes twice my size ::eek:: and that people was my old man :rolleyes:
 
Honda

Honda

Well-known member
In the end of the day, parents are human and they arent perfect.. I never wanted to blame my parents cuz many people just learned to stand up with out their parents telling them how plus life's reality is harsh, i learned to live with it and accept it. People went through worst, if they waste time blaming others on their condition then they wont get anywhere in life.. Facing your fears that is.. I taught myself to face fears even if im scared sh1tless and i did alot of stupidities i dont regret to reach this far cuz every step i take makes me stronger and more educated about life.. I wont lie im still scared but a less but in reality you will be afraid and you have to eventually face your fears, its not easy but life isnt easy from the 1st place.. The more you experience/face life the wiser you get..

Nobody teaches you that... Sure parents culdve but like i said above even parents make mistakes..
 
I

Interzone

Well-known member
Once in the 7th grade this kid kept flicking my ear and it hurt, finally one of those times I stood up, grabbed him by the collar and pushed him against the well.

That however, is very unusual of me.
 
Hellhound

Hellhound

Super Moderator
On the contrary, they would laugh at me, insult me, call me names, call me weak, idiot, retarded, saying that everyone hated me, comparing me with others, etc. if I had any troubles. But maybe they were right... I had a sh*tload of troubles at school with every single person there and I never did anything to change the situation because I didn't know what the f*ck to do. So yeah... I'm probably an idiot after all.
 
lyricalliaisons

lyricalliaisons

Well-known member
My parents never taught me to stand up for myself. I still don't know how they would have, anyway, because "standing up for yourself" seems to mean getting physically violent or verbally abusive with the other person & I'm completely against that. The only thing my mom would do when people made fun of me (which happened all the time in school) was to ignore them. Ignoring never did a thing. Sometimes, as I got older, I would ignore people for as long as possible until I just couldn't take it any more & out of anger, would then try to defend myself by yelling at the people who were making my life hell, but all that did was make them go at me even more.
 
FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
My dad did, but at the same time, he was a terror, so it was kind of a mixed message to send a kid.

"Stand up for yourself and don't let people walk all over you... now watch me get mad and beat your mom up."
 
lunarla

lunarla

Well-known member
My parents never really did, no. At least I don't think so. So it sort of forced me to learn it on my own. I also think it was just sort of in me - maybe some teenage angst coming out too. I definitely stand up to myself, especially when it comes to my parents and their bogus ways.
 
WorldEndsWithMe

WorldEndsWithMe

Well-known member
Yes. My dad and mom told me to not let people push me around. And if I didn't do it, they sure as heck stood up for me. My mom would cuss down an 80 year old if they were picking on me.
I was getting bullied in jrhigh and my dad told me to punch the leader of the group in the face. He was kidding (sort of) but yeah he's a don't take crap kind of guy.
Of course they told me to try and work it out first and "kill them with kindness", but if it didn't work I was instructed to lay the smack down. lol.
 
S

Silvox Black

Well-known member
Never. I have seen that my parents, or should I say, parent, is dreadfully ignorant of the true nature of the society that I live in and the situation I go through. My mother never truly realized how ignorant society can be, never learned of how one needs to stand for ones personal beliefs. If she has, she has not taught nor told me anything. I had to learn for myself. I had to forge my own shields and swords.
 
P

Paulkh

Member
The trouble I had is that my parents didn't seem to understand what I was going through. I was small, thin and very shy at the time. Whenever I told them about the bullying they just told me to hit them back.

They didn't get involved, they didn't intervene in any way. They just told me to hit them back. I couldn't hit them back. I just feel likle they could have done something and I a have a lot of anger about the fact that nobody helped me.

Looking back I probably needed counselling but basically the schools should have done something. I have a lot of anger inside because of the verbal and physical bullying but also a lot af anger because nobody did anything to help me.
 
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