Did your parents teach you to stand up for yourself?

Did your parents teach you to stand up for yourself?

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deleted user 1

Guest
For me, I was very extrovert. However, once we moved away from where my friends were, I was always at home. And at home there were always arguments and threats, everyday I was walking on egg shells. I learnt very early on that my words had no power at home, so I would rather say nothing, once I hit 14 , I rapidly declined. Literally over the summer holiday, I ended one year a happy outgoing person and started the next completely extrovert. Night and day difference. I changed at school as well, and initially became very angry with how people were treating me, taking advantage of unwillingness to speak up for myself. I have been struggling ever since. Being housebound for a prolonged period help me immensely with regards to finding myself again on the inside, but the challenge to bring that out is hard. Unfortunately, due to the economic problems we are all faced with I am unable to move away and am stuck in the same environment. I have no idea what to do next.
 
3lefts

3lefts

Well-known member
This is hard to explain for me. The easiest way to say it would just be a simple yes. Except I think a lesson isn't so cut and dry from a parent who was hurt so much staying true to it.
 
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Confuseddd

Confuseddd

Well-known member
phocas said:
Well hang on......that means I wouldn't be here..........???
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i kinda agree with him.... my mom didnt know until i told her recently. YES i do think my upbringing is directly related to my suffering now. just took something to set it off
 
FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
My mother tried to counter my father’s physical abuse towards her by teaching me to be very meek and soft-spoken.

I was already sensitive and shy, so in my mind it compounded my natural disposition and made me even more reserved and more hesitant to stand up for myself.
 
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pjcarter85

Member
Invisible_Alien said:
My mother always yelled at me for not standing up for myself, so maybe that counts as a yes. My father never really did that I can remember. One time I ran inside after this one kid was harrassing me and my mother yelled at me so much until I cried for over an hour. Finally after that I accepted the challenge to a fight that the kid put on me. Also a lot of times when former friends picked on me my mother would act like it was all my fault and ask what I did wrong. She didn't belive me when I said they all liked to gang up on me (which I guess was my fault anyway).
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I was afraid of things like that happening. That's why I didn't tell my parents or anyone else when my classmates were picking on me or even beating me up.
 
Untamed88

Untamed88

Well-known member
My dad was violent and so he wasnt much better than the bullies, he never knew I was being bullied because I could never talk to him. I was scared of him. I still am.
I never told either of my parents that I was being bullied and once when I let it slip my mum accused me of making it up so I could get time off of school.
 
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LycraPantiies92

Well-known member
Well with my bullying situation.
My dad was a kind who would've said to beat them up back, not realising it was probably impossible for me, and it would get me into trouble. I just wanted the problem to be solved, not beat people up. But that was his manly view on it.

My mum didn't beleive a word of it that bullying even happened to me, I doubt she took it seriously when I was telling her etc, she never did listen to me and still doesn't about important matters.
 
Forgotten-Children

Forgotten-Children

Well-known member
Not really but that's because I never really told them about my bullying problems. The only info they got was from the school but even then, I tried to act like I had everything in control even if I didn't in the slightest.

Kind of a contradiction, but I wanted help but I also didn't. I don't know why i didn't really seek help because I had a school couselor who saw me every week. The only time I ever opened up to her about and just burst into tears was when I had like a million things thrown at me. I was failing novels and the only way I could pass is if I passed the finals; a close friend of mine left without a word off of a site I used to go on so because of that, I started to punish myself; and I had the typical everyday bullying on top of that.

I think telling my counselor that though, caused my parents to put me on an anti depressant which didn't work at all because at the time, the one that I was taking made me look uber-happy on the outside, but on the inside, I felt like scum and with everyone around me thinking I was alright, made me feel even worse. Not to mention during that year, I didn't want to feel alright because I wanted to punish myself because I thought I said something that hurt my friend to leave; or even worse, kill himself!

And mind you.. this happened during my Freshman year of HighSchool.

Since then I changed meds and I'm supposed to take my Celexa but I only take it when I'm feeling REAAALY down just for a dim glimer of hope that I'll be OK later only but really all it does is make me sleepy.
 
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pjcarter85

Member
My mom and especially my dad told me several times to stand up for myself, and even to fight back sometimes. That's not the same as teaching. They assumed I could if I tried.

When my mom saw on my report card for gym class that I could not do pull-ups, she just shrugged it off. But some of the kids in my class saw it as an opportunity to victimize me. They made fun of me, saying things like "You're last, fatty." The word spread so far that even the kids two grade levels below me heard about it, and one of them, a very small but mean and determined kid, put me through the worst three weeks of my life, taking me to the woods every day after school to beat me up. He never left until I was knocked out.

I have never considered self-defense a realistic option for me. Most people don't understand.
 
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gaddie

Member
Did my parents teach me to stand up for myself? Yes would be the answer but having read some of the other answerers, I will say that the way I was taught to stand up for myself was different from some of the others. By this, I noticed how many of the people answered by saying that their parents tried to teach them to be aggressive in return to their enemies: almost to the point where if one were not aggressive, they would be punished.
Instead I was very much taught that if I were facing a bully, I should very much seek to deal with it in a non-violent manner first. Yet if I were faced with no alternative or was in physical danger, than physically attacking someone back is acceptable. The trouble with going to violence straight away is that anger (which fuels the violence) can cloud your mind and so you are not fighting with a full mental deck. Therefore you might go too far overboard or over react to a simple situation and as such, get yourself in trouble.
Alex Gadd
Author of Beat The Bully: A Guide To Dealing With Adult Bullying
 
this_portrait

this_portrait

Well-known member
Yes, but I never really took their advice because I was too shy and insecure to. Probably wasn't a good idea, because I ended up building up a lot of anger until I became a teenager, when I just started exploding whenever someone would piss me off.
 
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Leonie

Active member
No, mine didn't! They were really over-protective and I never really got into situations where I had to stand up for myself!
But now, I have learned how to stick up for me to a certain extent, I don't let anyone walk all over for me....But it took a long time to gradually learn how to stand up for myself
 
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