How are you feeling?

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
Don't know how ah should be feeling...

Had argument with ma mum this morning. Then my sister feel out, the oldest rant at me in an email - cuz she needed to vent. :mad:

Then ma mum got a phone call from my cousin down in London this afternoon to say her brother, my uncle, had a heart attack this morning. :cry:
It's nice to see you in here again, Graeme. Though I wish the circumstances were better.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Sorry about the situation, Graeme but I'm also glad to see you on here again.

Thanks, I guess...

Haven't really been sleeping much in the last 24 hours. Can't stop thinking about my uncle, I hope he'll be okay. Though, my mum breaking down in tears after we were told over the phone that he'd been put on a ventilator - and her saying she wouldn't be able cope if anything happens to him - has me just as worried about her.
 

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
Like a fool.

I had to make small-talk with my neighbors and now I feel so stupid I want to die.

This frequently happens after I make small talk with people, and my natural response tends to be "well, I'll just avoid making small talk with people."

Then instead I just relive all the small talk I've had in the past in my head and it's possibly worse than the real thing.

It feels like the only solution is to have better experiences to overwrite the negative ones (or at least the ones I perceive as negative). Yet I feel this can't be done without first having many more experiences where I feel stupid before I start to feel not stupid. Why can't I just feel ok without going through constant ordeals of pushing myself?
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Good. I got my hair chopped today. *sigh* I needed it, especially with how hot it's been here this week. Plus I got to go back to my old hair stylist I used to see before I moved for college. Hadn't seen her in a long time and it was nice seeing her again. :) She's the only hair stylist I can make small talk with and not feel awkward about it. :LOL:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Depressed. Unmotivated. Struggling with writer's block.
Y'know... business as usual.

Also, with everything going on in world right now, it's made me stick to my decision to not sitting at the dinner table this Christmas.

Let's just say, my older siblings and I aren't exactly seeing things the same way when it comes Black Lives Matter. And I'll leave it at that... cuz ah don't want to elaborate any further on that at the moment.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Honestly, am f__kin' bored ! That's how bad it is. Tired and pissed off, just the whole COVID-19 situation. I hate that I'm stuck in the house, plus ah can't really be getting on with things. Plenty to distract myself with, though, but ah really want to clear out an old, broken bookcase in my room. Which was something I was close to get done, when the lockdown came into affect.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
There's nothing more demoralizing than trying really hard to sell yourself day after day only to have nobody buy it. I remember that feeling well. Really hits you in the self-esteem. I doubt the COVID-19 thing is helping the situation either.
No it's not. I'm so beyond frustrated. Frustrated with this whole year honestly. I don't even know what to do to get back on my feet. I have ideas, but what if they don't work? I'm tired of trying only to continuously fail again and again. Makes me wonder, why even bother?
 
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