what do you think - am i a 'nice guy'?

[gazelle]

I find the nice guy syndrome in it's negative connotation to be also applicable to girls. I recall two times in the past being called a "good girl" from people who didn't know me at times that my self esteem had hit rock bottom. Hence the terms "nice guy" and "good girl" somewhat do have a negative implication to me!

There's a fine line between humility and low self esteem and I think people do often confuse the two together. It's important to be able to exercise both humility and confidence (no matter what gender).
And maintaining a balance between the two can be a difficult task. Failing in the self-esteem department would result in being labeled as the "nice guy" or "good girl" (with the negative connotation) and all of your other good traits being ignored. Whereas failing in the humility section would result in being labeled as a jerk (or b*tch!). Otherwise I wouldn't see any reason for a girl to find a guy with some sort of "Robin hood-ish" personality traits to be unattractive.

 

[hardy]

you had me confused for a moment!

hehe...confusion confusion. he is naughty actually, i think. damn...it's so difficult to be funny when not in the right mood....lol

 

[Remus]

There is one forum that I visited, where "nice guys" complain about being rejected by '"mean' women. It reads like thinly vieled mysogony to me.

You've hit the nail on the head.:thumbup:

 

[Remus]

Why do I defend the nice guy syndrome so much? Because Remus, I think it is absurd that being nice is actually considered to be such a terrible thing these days. I find it peculiar that so many people seem to consider courtesy, manners, consideration and caring about other peoples feelings to generally be considered as unattractive, needy and clingy - or at least interpreted that way.

There's nothing wrong with being well mannered, kind or nice. I never said there was.

There is something wrong with "look how nice I'm being, I'm being nice and am taken for granted, I'm being nice so you should like me" That is nice guy syndrome. Kindness and giving has no price. It should always be selfless, otherwise it is fake and is usually to get something one wants.

 

[KiaKaha]

There's nothing wrong with being well mannered, kind or nice. I never said there was.

There is something wrong with "look how nice I'm being, I'm being nice and am taken for granted, I'm being nice so you should like me" That is nice guy syndrome. Kindness and giving has no price. It should always be selfless, otherwise it is fake and is usually to get something one wants.

You're right Remus - and I am not disagreeing with you on that, in fact that is not the message I am trying to get across at all.
I don't think anyone has really heard what it is that I am trying to say - I think the reactions I am getting are based on defensiveness. I get frustrated how no one here seems to be able to understand the messages that I am trying to convey on this forum.

You all think that I am trying to say that girls are obliged and should like guys that are nice, rather than make their own choices -and this belief is harbored from feelings of rejection and/or manipulation. There is so much more to this argument than people realize - there is some truth to what I am saying.

 

[Starry]

When a man gets rejected, it´s because women are bitches. When a woman gets rejected, it´s because women love *******s and not nice guys, so they deserve it.

Or not... I've seen so many cases which are the complete opposite of that... Stated by both males and females.

-----

I think all this generalising really doesn't help things... Especially when people don't even agree on definitions.

I've seen people stating that "bad boy" is basically little more than an image that goes along with being muscular and wearing vests and sunglasses... As far as I'm concerned being a "bad boy" is nothing to do with image, it's about personality... They're over-confident, arrogant even and appear to show little concern for others... That's my definition of a "bad boy", as you could easily have a "nice guy" (Using my definition, not the one which seems to be negative) who is muscular and wears vests and sunglasses... Image has nothing to do with something which describes personality/actions...

Nothing is as cut and dried as we would all like and labels are for the most part, completely pointless.

 

[twiggle]

For the amount of responses to this thread I have to look at all my friends who are in relationships and observe that those dating 'mean' guys are actually in the minority.

Most of them are dating guys who treat them well - with respect, kindness and care. But it's never occurred to me to call them, 'nice guys'. They just are... nice.

There are many things that create an attraction, it's not just about being 'nice'. You could be the nicest guy in the world, but if there's no spark, there's no spark. A relationship doesn't proceed, but it's not necessarily because the guy is nice.

I'm not denying that there are some women who seem to find 'bad boys' attractive but from where I stand - mid-20s and in the UK - those women are in the minority. The 'I want a bad boy' thing is more of a teenage phenomenon, I feel.

 

[kilojoule]

For the amount of responses to this thread I have to look at all my friends who are in relationships and observe that those dating 'mean' guys are actually in the minority.

Most of them are dating guys who treat them well - with respect, kindness and care. But it's never occurred to me to call them, 'nice guys'. They just are... nice.

There are many things that create an attraction, it's not just about being 'nice'. You could be the nicest guy in the world, but if there's no spark, there's no spark. A relationship doesn't proceed, but it's not necessarily because the guy is nice.

I'm not denying that there are some women who seem to find 'bad boys' attractive but from where I stand - mid-20s and in the UK - those women are in the minority. The 'I want a bad boy' thing is more of a teenage phenomenon, I feel.

Here here!

Summed it up perfectly twiggle!

Perfectly!

 

[KiaKaha]

I am extremely tempted to post some of the comments I find on dating sites.

 

[kilojoule]

Grown up women want grown up men. Simples. Teenage girls want bad boys. Real women want real men.

 

[Starry]

I am extremely tempted to post some of the comments I find on dating sites.

Please do. It would be entertaining in a strange way...

 

[Kiwong]

In the end we all end up with human beings, all of whom are imperfect.

 

[bcsr]

I am NOT saying anyone is OBLIGED to anyone. People can make their own choices, and are attracted to whoever they want to be.

That's exactly what it sounds like you are saying, to be honest.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

In the end we all end up with human beings, all of whom are imperfect.

Not true!

 

[Lea]

Why not to do this test?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder 101 Quiz : Melanie Tonia Evans

It can give you an idea if you´re nice guys. I am tired of empty theories, why not do once something practical?

 

[AGR]

The best way to find if you are a nice person is what other people think of you,so yes I would consider me nice,pretty much everyone I interact with in real life thinks so,I always get compliments on this,so I guess I am nice to them.......

 

[Nanita]

Not true!

:lol:




:lol:

 

[KiaKaha]

That's exactly what it sounds like you are saying, to be honest.

Well it's not.

Hope I am not over exaggerating with my response.

 

[Hellhound]

Grown up women want grown up men. Simples. Teenage girls want bad boys. Real women want real men.

And so it begins...

 

[Hellhound]

I am extremely tempted to post some of the comments I find on dating sites.

Oh god, do it. I need some entertainment.