what do you think - am i a 'nice guy'?
- Thread starter coyote
- Start date
Kiwong
Well-known member
This doesn't make you a bad guy. It just makes you nervous.
Also, good to see you posting here again.
Cheers MickeyC, it's been awhile, hope you are going OK.
Kiwong
Well-known member
What I really want to be these days is at peace, comfortable in my own skin.
Not nice, but neutral. To be able to have an intelligent conversation withut my anxiety getting in the way.
There is one forum that I visited, where "nice guys" complain about being rejected by '"mean' women. It reads like thinly vieled mysogony to me.
Not nice, but neutral. To be able to have an intelligent conversation withut my anxiety getting in the way.
There is one forum that I visited, where "nice guys" complain about being rejected by '"mean' women. It reads like thinly vieled mysogony to me.
KiaKaha
Banned
Actually it is relevant. Read it again.
Of course not. That is absurd. I am speaking English right? I mean...you can understand the words that I am actually typing out...? I am saying that there is a misinterpretation of certain qualities that people have, whether you are nice or not (or anything in between) - I am saying that people, whether you be male or female and have qualities that are generally considered to be nice are often not appreciated and interpreted as almost the opposite of who a person actually is. I am NOT saying anyone is OBLIGED to anyone. People can make their own choices, and are attracted to whoever they want to be. What I am saying is that nice men and women - are unappreciated, overlooked and misconstrued for other characteristics that have already been mentioned in this thread.
KiaKaha
Banned
Oh OK - well next time you are trying to convey yourself or describe yourself to someone, or think of yourself in positive terms, we can all call that lack of modesty.
Why do I defend the nice guy syndrome so much? Because Remus, I think it is absurd that being nice is actually considered to be such a terrible thing these days. I find it peculiar that so many people seem to consider courtesy, manners, consideration and caring about other peoples feelings to generally be considered as unattractive, needy and clingy - or at least interpreted that way.
I always figured it to be more of an attitude rather then something they actually are. I know a few of these supposed bad guys. Some whom have actually committed some offences with lawful consequences. And frankly, these are some of the nicest people I know. Perfectly pleasant people that are loyal to their friends and loved ones. Looks, attitude and even actions can be deceiving. People are endlessly complicated that way.
That top part hits the nail right on the head. Bully/abusive behaviour isn't a quality tied to physique or taste. Even the skinny quiet nerdy guy could potentially be abusive. For all we know that ripped guy wearing a tank top and shades looks like that because he likes to work out and has specific style he wants to look like.
Partners should be together because they feel comfortable around each other. For whatever reason that may be. Like I said, we really shouldn't force standards onto people.
Actual abusive relationships are psychologically more complicated. It's often not even a matter of love or affection, but fear more so. Fear and emotional leverage. The victims in question are likely extremely flustered and partially in denial about what's going on. Sometimes even for years.
And people don't simply jump into a abusive relationship. They get trapped in one. Sometimes even repeatedly, perhaps because they're not very good at judging/observing character (which wouldn't be too far fetched because that can be very difficult). It takes an immensely strong person to get out of that kind of relationship.
I think the people whom willingly, knowingly and happily jump into relationships like these are a rarity.
Well thinking outside of the "dating" world,sometimes someone becomes not so nice because they are **** on for being nice.
I was very nice once and yes I knew,its silly to think people dont know that they are nice,people know,just as they know that they are bad and are doing bad stuff,people even said I was too nice,but what that also brought?
People calling me gay and harrassing me all the time.
There was a really dark phase in my life where I was really bad,used to fight for no reason,I dont know why I did that,maybe it was a way to defend myself.
Now I only try to do what I would want people to do with me,yes I get that I am really kind all the time,that there are no one like me,that I am an honest person,but peole still think that I am gay,sometimes harass me because "nothing will happen"<----- straight out of their mouth.
Fortunetly I had girls liking me at all phases of my life,but I think that its true that they like not so good people,guys do too,well most of them.
Also everyone is a mix of good and bad,but sometimes their bad actions outshine the good ones and vice versa,so that makes them a good or bad person.
To be fair, I don't think we should take shots at each other by emphasizing another (although related) stereotypical sociological assumption whilst trying to debunk another. It's counter productive in terms of reaching a potential resolve.
I know you meant it sarcastically, but in case someone does think the above is legitimately true; Rejection happens because of disinterest and/or incompatibility. Any added motives (such as; fear, anger, revenge, ect.) depends on the individual. And only that specific individual. Motives aren't universally shared. Notice "individual" and not "gender".
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Hellhound
Super Moderator
I always thought that was the reason (?)
MikeyC
Well-known member
Hellhound
Super Moderator
hardy
Well-known member
whom are we kidding...we all want others to like us. In fact more than others do...and someone had the courage to accept this fact by openly asking if others liked him.
Doesn't mean he is not nice. He is human...maybe not enlightened (people who dont need others approval). Why do we have to be so perfect? It's okay to have limitations...i always come back here to see if people like my posts, it doesn't make me a bad person
Coyote was the only person who sent me an invitation for friendship and always writes back. He makes me laugh with his funny and witty comments. Who else here makes others laugh as much as coyote...!!?
Doesn't mean he is not nice. He is human...maybe not enlightened (people who dont need others approval). Why do we have to be so perfect? It's okay to have limitations...i always come back here to see if people like my posts, it doesn't make me a bad person
Coyote was the only person who sent me an invitation for friendship and always writes back. He makes me laugh with his funny and witty comments. Who else here makes others laugh as much as coyote...!!?
hardy
Well-known member
ya..i meant he is the bad guy...you know what i mean.
Oh yeah,also in the times I was only kind I have been described by girls as
"without malice" like it is something bad to be or the reason that they didnt like me when asked by other people.
Definition of MALICE
1
: desire to cause pain, injury, or distress to another
2
: intent to commit an unlawful act or cause harm without legal justification or excuse
But I couldnt care less about those girls,to Guys if you arent constantly agressive,look tough or arent running around after girls you are gay.
It is good to be good without expecting anything in return,but that only happens in the movies,certainly someone wouldnt like someone being bad to them in return of them being kind.
"without malice" like it is something bad to be or the reason that they didnt like me when asked by other people.
Definition of MALICE
1
: desire to cause pain, injury, or distress to another
2
: intent to commit an unlawful act or cause harm without legal justification or excuse
But I couldnt care less about those girls,to Guys if you arent constantly agressive,look tough or arent running around after girls you are gay.
It is good to be good without expecting anything in return,but that only happens in the movies,certainly someone wouldnt like someone being bad to them in return of them being kind.
dottie
Well-known member
you had me confused for a moment!