Thanks for your replies. I look forward to hearing from more people who've maybe developed feelings for people they have met online or only had contact with on the phone. Some people think this is impossible but when you're extremely lonely and there is only one person in your life (who happens to be of the opposite sex) and you've been longing to find someone for years, it can be very easy to get carried away with feelings. This has been the situation for me on numerous occasions as I find it very difficult to connect with people, even those who also suffer from social phobia and mental health issues. Just recently I was in touch with a girl almost every day by phone and felt able to talk to her about almost anything. I'd not had such a close connection with a woman before and was hoping to eventually meet up with her. She doesn't live anywhere near me so this would have been difficult for both of us. Anyway, she never told me until last night that she'd had feelings for another man which she now knows are reciprocated.
I was in a real state when I wrote this last night but today has not been as bad as I expected. I got through it and feel that maybe things aren't as bad as they seem and maybe things would go right for me if I just had more opportunities to connect with women. But I find it so hard to make the first move.
I felt very bitter and twisted on Wednessday night and will probably have these feelings again but right now I'm trying to retain my dignity and not feel that it's such a loss. I really thought a lot of her and she liked me and still does but I always get jealous and had been caught up in these feelings until she finally confirmed that she wanted to be with him.
Minty said:
She doesn't care that you have never been loved? That's horrible. Why would you want to be with someone like that?
You should find someone who is capable of empathy for others.
I agree that I would be better off finding someone who is capable of showing empathy for others. She was quite wrapped up in her own emotional issues and I thought we could relate to each others' problems with feelings. I wrote that she doesn't care that I've never been loved in the heat of the moment. I'm not sure what she thinks really. Just that, like many others who I've told about my limited experience of relationships, I don't think she really could fully appreciate what it actually feels like to reach my age and have not had a proper girlfriend. People can't always see how destructive the sheer amount of time I've had to obsess about this and wait for it to happen has been. People, even on here, have said things like "Get interested in living" but having an obsessive mind that fixates on one particular thing makes motivaing myself to push myself out there very difficult. I really want to beat my social phobia and meet new people but past experiences haven't worked for me and I still dwell on them.
I feel very unlucky compared to some people. I mean, I used to be friends with a very lucky man who met his wife on this site without really trying very hard. After they had spoken for a year on MSN and webcam, she decided to move thousands of miles to live with him. And I've heard about people who have got together on other support sites so I've always thought this could happen for me. Of course SPW and other sites aren't intended for dating. But I wonder how many of us hope to find someone similar to us (even if their social phobia, SA, OCD or depression is maybe only mild by comparison) and know that we couldn't hope to find someone understanding on dating sites or would have a lot of trouble explaining our baggage to someone?
I'll say now that I want to make myself strong and stop feeling that I need a woman to love me to make me feel complete. I would like to stop envying others in relationships but I guess if I'd been in as many as I should have been in by now, with my sensitivity, I would probably feel sorry for those still looking and a bit guilty about my success. I do know that I need supportive friends and I don't have many in my life.
funkyberries said:
*sigh* All you guys are worried about relationships... I can't even find a friend who remembers me lol
I'm way far behind.
Some acquaintances but no bestfriend. Ah well.
I've had a lot of difficulty even with just friends or at least keeping them so I know how you feel. If you want to talk, send me a PM.
Felgen said:
Keep in mind that a bunny boiler who didn't reject you is also a kick in the balls of your confidence. Especially if she insults and humiliates you afterwards.
I'm not quite sure what you mean by this. Maybe you could explain? Are you talking about women who stalk men? I've never been stalked by any women and none of the girls I've ever spoken to have been like that.
