You have a link for that survey, James?
rejected before a relationship even starts
- Thread starter sickofbeinglonely
- Start date
JamesSmith
Well-known member
I googled love shyness or love shy, and it came up as one of the top sites. I don't remember the exact name but I'm looking into it right now.
Kiwong
Well-known member
There appears to be a proportion of men on 'love shy' forums who appear to blame everyone except themselves for not not being able to date women. Some have an untransparent dislike for women. How can they expect to form healthy relationships with women? Why would any woman want to spend time with them? I'd go as far as warning women to not date them.
The hardest part in life is to become comfortable in your own skin, and be open to all possibilities. There is so much more to love in life than basing that on an obsession to be in a romantic relationship. And let's face it if you are successful in entering a relationship then the chances are you will travel a rocky road, and perhaps you will view your single days with fondness.
The hardest part in life is to become comfortable in your own skin, and be open to all possibilities. There is so much more to love in life than basing that on an obsession to be in a romantic relationship. And let's face it if you are successful in entering a relationship then the chances are you will travel a rocky road, and perhaps you will view your single days with fondness.
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JamesSmith
Well-known member
Hmm, I don't know about that. That sounds like an over-generalization. I'm a love-shy guy and I don't dislike women. I blame myself for my situation and I blame my anxiety. I recognize that I made the choice to not challenge my fear of talking to people and that is why I am alone all of the time. It's half my fault and half the fact that i have anxiety's fault, nobody else's fault.
As for the love-shy men that do hate women, this is an instinct that can happen when you've either been rejected or never try to date women out of fear. These men that hate women are trying to find someone else to blame for their problems, and they blame the people that they've failed to get with. It's misdirected anger. I bet you if these men were in as much relationships as non-love shy men they wouldn't hate women.
Kiwong
Well-known member
It isn't an over generalisation, I was astounded by the hostility towards women in some of the posts. they seem to think that dating is somehow easier for women, but I've seen for myself on this site that simply isn't true. Suffering from social anxiety or love shyness is easy for no one, and is very much and individuals pain. I think bringing gender into it is redundant.
And I did say a proportion of men, not all men.
JamesSmith
Well-known member
Hold on now, just because a guy thinks dating is easier for women doesn't mean he hates women. As for the proportion of men thing, yes, you did say that. I'm sorry i didn't see that, that was my mistake. And yes, suffering from SA is a struggle for anyone, i agree with that.
A friend
Well-known member
Silentknight
Well-known member
I just went through the exact same thing. My friend introduced me to a very pretty girl who had similar interest in me all through December we texted and got to know each other we even shared secrets of our past with each other and now we don't talk or text each other. Why? Because I was deemed too nice and too good even too caring. So I know exactly what you're going through and I hope you're able to push through this because even though I don't know you, you deserve better and you deserve to find happiness but I also don't blame you if you decide to give up on love I know I thought of it but I don't think I can just yet maybe I'll give it to the end of this year before I choose to become asexual.
doubleM
Well-known member
can you seriously blame them for having dislike toward women? im not gonna lie i have an intense annoyance toward women.
its true that some guys are just pushovers, have no confidence, and need constant reassurance to do anything...no girl wants that and thats totally understandable. but COME ON. women love guys that are complete *******s who have money. its the sad truth, and they will never admit it. girls will say all day that they want a nice guy....but its exactly the opposite is true. makes no sense. im not saying that because im angry, its because i am aware of the truth.
i no longer get irritated with them. i just stopped trying. i am not exactly james bond but i am not an idiot either. there were times i got treated like **** and i didnt deserve it at all. i asked a girl out once and then got laughed at. just because a man is a little introverted and has a quiet way does that mean he deserves that kind of treatment? a simple no would suffice.
guys get treated like the OP just did on repeated occasions and then they develop a dislike for women. you get constant wishy washy behavior and rejection from them like that and then if you complain about it women just fire back and blame the guy for it...saying its the guys fault. what a vicious cycle.
im not hating on all women. i have met some really good ones. but finding one that is valuable to me is like finding a needle in a haystack.
and OP dont worry about it. i met about 20 girls from online and they all turned out to be stuck up.
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And this is pretty much what Kiwong was referring to.
doubleM
Well-known member
yeah and i just explained why in the rest of my post. kiwong seemed to be blaming the guys, so i was giving my opinoin on that. why should guys blame themselves when women have caused them to become angry in the first place? this makes no sense.
women reject man consistently>man becomes frustrated>man gets angry at himself and women>man cannot successfully date>women reject man
now you tell me how that makes one bit of sense.
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Dronee
1
Think of it this way... if you've found someone who can actually look past your problems to find something in you worth loving... what is the value of that? People fall "in love" for all sorts of reason... but in your case with all the anxiety and all else, when someone does like you, chances are it's quite a special and extraordinary woman.
Does that make any sense?
Does that make any sense?
Why?
people have a lot of things that makes them happy or are most important to them,their job,hobbies,friends,family,money and sex, why finding someone cant be someone's way to be happy?
Felgen
Well-known member
I'm not a virgin or anything, but if a guy is continuously for completely ludicrous reasons (i.e. not being "cool", not having good social skills and sh!t like that) he wouldn't be rejected for 50 years ago, then I understand it if he holds a grudge against women. Likewise, I understand it if a woman who have been abused by her former lovers holds a grudge against all men.
I have no problems getting a date or even getting laid (anymore), but I'm still rejected after a girl gets to know me. On the other hand, I don't blame anyone but myself for it. Very few people know what Asperger's syndrome is.
Liam17
Well-known member
i agree. I recon if i had a girlfriend i'd be much happier about life. Having someone to talk to, get close to etc.
i'd also be more confident.
Yeah, but...they may say they're rejecting you because you're not cool or you don't have good social skills but what that really translates into is "I'm not attracted to you." And attraction is genetically guided, something completely out of everyone's hands. Women and men alike.
Felgen
Well-known member
Actually, in both men and women, the media plays a large part of the role. Because wannabe gangsters, drama queens from reality shows, Justin Bieber and wealthy socialites are considered attractive by the tabloids and MTV, people think they're attractive. In other words: The media took over where natural selection stopped.
If someone accepts a date with you, they're attracted to you in the first place. This attraction can fade quickly if you don't play your cards right.
Tiresome is a description that is gravely inadequate.
