I can't make anyone feel happy, those people I care about just end up feeling worse in the long run and it's my fault.
I always try to make others feel better about themselves, about their lives, even those who don't give a **** about me if I feel they need a friendly hand, I still lend it knowing they will run away from me once they're back on tracj to not look back.
The thing is, I can't stand witnessing how I make others feel bad because of me. I don't want anyone to cry when I'm gone, and they know I want to go... I just make people feel bad, I make myself feel bad, I shouldn't stay here. I know a very few people would miss me, I know what it can do to my parents, and I know a couple more people care too, and I love them so much that I don't want to make them suffer...
But then, is it better to just make them suffer now and wait for time to heal the wounds, which would be better in the long run, or is it better that I keep suffering, that I keep making them feel everyday a bit worse until I drag them down and I hold them back in life because of the awful person I've become? There is just too many suffering involved, I don't know what to do, and I don't think I want to know it anyway. I'm just scared..