Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

motorized rollerblades - hmmm....

^ wow just wow.. 😮

coyote said: ↑

motorized rollerblades - hmmm....

sweet,, how much to the gallon ? 😀

Why do I care so much what other people think?!! It's my life!!!!
Needed a bit of a rant....feel better already:)

I really want to go back. I know I can't but I just want to go back and stop myself from making the biggest mistake I ever made in my life.

I wish I can go back a year from now when I started my first and only job that I finally got after trying so hard. A job I actually liked because I was working with plants. A job that wasn't so hard for someone with SA. A job that was enough money for someone that lived with the parent and didn't have to pay rent. A job that was enough that I had a chance to go to driving school and save up for a car. Then maybe get a chance of going to school or getting a better job. Or both.

Instead of staying and keeping my job, I went to go away far and lost my first job. A job a liked. I left to be with someone. I wanted someone so bad obviously. I thought I really wanted to have someone with me. Someone that would love me and make me feel loved and happy. I thought it was a nice place too. I thought I wouldn't have a problem getting a job. But did I really think much about it? No.

I didn't know I wouldn't be good enough. I didn't know I'd be jealous and back to my old SA and other mental problems. I didn't know it would be worse. I didn't know that I could be so jealous. I didn't know I'd regret something so much but grateful and the same time.

It could have been worst. I could have been homeless. Pregnant and homeless. I could be in a much worse situation but that doesn't make me feel better at all. I still don't fit in anywhere. I don't even think I'm close to him. And I worry for my child that he will not like me and would have the bad habits of his father and maybe worse. I'll never be satisfied or feel loved or good enough for anything or to anyone. Not even myself.

And all it starts with is myself.
Can I even do that?

It's amazing how much you can get done when you actually put in 1% of effort.

I decided not to procrastinate, so I went to the gym, got a birthday gift for a friend, then had a talk with my neighbour. She's got a husband and three kids and apparently suffers from anxiety. Wow. So I got a whole bunch done today, even if they were small things. Still have one more thing to do but that doesn't have to be until later.

I made flourless peanut butter cookies. I'm happy, for now. 🙂

My neighbour told me my drumming was "relaxing." Never heard that one before, but I'm glad she enjoys it. 🙂

haha ^what are you drumming to, Mikey? Enya? XD

WeirdyMcGee said: ↑

haha ^what are you drumming to, Mikey? Enya? XD

I usually try and drum like they do in death metal. How she ever finds that relaxing is beyond me, but it shows I'm doing something right. 🙂

A true friend would never back stab you.

Wishing I could just die already,I dont imagine im ever going to like myself. My morale is so low,im tired of this uphill battle.

I don't think I will ever be satisfied with myself or my life.

Yuck... I hate having such sensitive sense of smell...
barf. -__-

Invisibleman said: ↑

Wishing I could just die already,I dont imagine im ever going to like myself. My morale is so low,im tired of this uphill battle.

Rawz said: ↑

I don't think I will ever be satisfied with myself or my life.

Sorry you guys are feeling this way. I am feeling exactly the same.

Group hug?

I feel like everything I say ends up sounding too eager and too much like I'm dumb. I pretty much regret everything I post and half the stuff I say in real life.

A trick to transform fear - Lesson 38:

So apparently we cannot access the part of our brain that controls fear and the part that controls.... (wait for it)... 'gratitude' at the same time.

So this simple lesson is to remember that if you want to leave a state of fear, focus on what you are grateful for. By waking a feeling of gratitude you will find fear melting into the distance.

If you are coaching someone who is in a fearful state of mind, gently ask questions that direct an awareness of gratitude. That way you can support a person to move out of fear and into a more supportive state.

Meditation -

The next time you are able to go for a walk - around a garden or even through a shopping mall, try this beautiful and easy process.

Close your eyes for a few minutes before hand and set your intention to walk slowly and with each step to name in your mind something that you are grateful for.

Every step name something that you feel grateful for, past or present, big or small and let it flow. Walk for as long as it feels good to, naming whatever comes to mind with each step. Stop if need be to find a new gratitude thought.

I would really love it if I could stop feeling tired and exhausted all the time.