Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

neardeath

neardeath

Well-known member
slept 11 hours last night with 3 naps today. I am hiding out again. Depression is worse. So desperate I am willing to try meds again. That's bad. They will just make me sick, not better. Don't know what else to do. I wanted to go to the NAMI meeting tonight, but I woke up a few minutes before it started. I should be there.

I am so tired of crying. It makes me feel worse. Lonely.

I am learning that when I think something is too much for me, I should go with my instincts. Taking care of Mom and the long trip this weekend did me in. I can't even take care of myself, let alone anyone else. I get worse real fast when I overextend. I'm paying for it now. I have to fight for every day on earth. I pray to die every day but God doesn't hear me.
 
Arthur_Dent

Arthur_Dent

1
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vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
coyote said:
"hi, i'm calling about the apartment listing. is it still available?"

"can you tell me more about it?"

"can i come look at it?"

come up with a list of questions you need answered. just stick to that.
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Thanks, I was thinking along those lines, but the reinforcement of what should/could be said really helped me make the phone call more comfortably. I even went to look at the place today, and after noticing many closets are bigger than the room told the guy the place was not for me.

I also sent a lot of emails about places today, but got almost no replies. I'm worried I'm going to have a harder time finding an (affordable) place to live than I thought. What if I can't find one by the time I want to? It's worrying me a bit right now, I won't feel at ease until I've signed a lease.
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
I just got a call from my boss. I will be filling in evening shifts for someone tomorrow night and Thursday night (it's only two hours, but it's on top of my regular duties). With everything else that's happening, I've got a very busy several days coming up, which is actually a good thing! Bring it on. :D
 
BlackPuma

BlackPuma

1
MikeyC said:
That's strange that the shower and kitchen are separated by a curtain. :confused: No privacy!
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It's the worst.. There was a door with a lock first, but then they somehow managed to break it. Yeah, they actually managed to BREAK a door so bad it stopped serving its function.

After that they just lazily hung a curtain in the opening.
 
Trishanku

Trishanku

Well-known member
Listening to Bhansuri (bamboo flute) Raga Yaman 7:28pm :perfect:. just finished a 12mins run and half an hour of strecthing. It was drizzling outside when i was running i really enjoyed it. I love this season even though its gloomy a bit, still monsoon is my favourite season.

My next raga would be Miyan-ki-Malhar a favourite Monsoon raga, I waited all summer so i could listen to this raga while watching rain perhaps even getting wet a bit
 
Phoenixx

Phoenixx

Well-known member
My smoothie looks like french vanilla pudding. Too bad it doesn't taste like it. Not that my smoothie tastes bad, but french vanilla pudding sounds much tastier right now.
 
neardeath

neardeath

Well-known member
Made my list, did the errands, and nothing works out. I'm at the end of my rope, so each little tiny thing is freaking me out. Now I have to run more to take care of the business.

I tried getting help, and they make that difficult, too! I have to see another doc first before I can see the one I want. Let's make this sick suicidal person jump through one more hoop. Yeah, just what I needed.

I'm usually not this impatient. I'm trying hard. I just meet dead ends and I want to throw things. Then I get stuff for sandwiches and forget the bread. This sounds ridiculous but I'm ready to kill myself for forgetting the bread!

If only there were actually a place to go to get help. The way the system is set up, it only makes you feel worse and like a criminal.
 
this_portrait

this_portrait

Well-known member
I read somewhere that when you form a close bond with someone, it is very much like a cocaine addiction. I can't be completely sure of that because I've never tried cocaine (I've never even smoked weed before), but I'm willing to believe it.

Not too long ago, I formed a bond of my own that I was certain would last a long while and go somewhere. Now I am quite certain it has been completely severed, and I've been crying almost nonstop, eating much less, and feeling an emotional pain I haven't felt in a long time ever since. I cry until my head hurts and wait until the hunger pains start to eat. I'm surprised I even manage to keep up personal hygiene. All I want is to disappear.

And the worst feeling of all is the one that nobody cares about me, and that there never will be anyone who cares about me. It seems that the only thing keeping me from breaking apart into bits and pieces is my cat.

I'm going to be mourning for a while. For how long, I don't know. :crying:
 
MikeyC

MikeyC

Well-known member
BlackPuma said:
It's the worst.. There was a door with a lock first, but then they somehow managed to break it. Yeah, they actually managed to BREAK a door so bad it stopped serving its function.

After that they just lazily hung a curtain in the opening.
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I'm thinking more like, "dude, the shower water just fell in the veggies!" ::p: But yeah, get a door, if possible. A curtain just isn't going to cut it.

this_portrait said:
Not too long ago, I formed a bond of my own that I was certain would last a long while and go somewhere. Now I am quite certain it has been completely severed, and I've been crying almost nonstop, eating much less, and feeling an emotional pain I haven't felt in a long time ever since. I cry until my head hurts and wait until the hunger pains start to eat. I'm surprised I even manage to keep up personal hygiene. All I want is to disappear.
Click to expand...
I don't know if the cocaine correlation is apt, but I do know that talking to a significant other is very addictive. I'm sorry you want to disappear, but this is not the end, because there is someone else out there. You just haven't found him, and it will take some grieving to get over him, for sure. In the meantime, focus on you and you will be okay.

this_portrait said:
And the worst feeling of all is the one that nobody cares about me, and that there never will be anyone who cares about me.
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You couldn't be more incorrect. People do care, including this person. The pain of this one is too raw, and that's why you're thinking so negatively about this. It does pass. Give it time. Shoot me PM's if you need to chat to someone.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
BlackPuma said:
It's the worst.. There was a door with a lock first, but then they somehow managed to break it. Yeah, they actually managed to BREAK a door so bad it stopped serving its function.

After that they just lazily hung a curtain in the opening.
Click to expand...

i want to move to Holland
 
Phoenixx

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Chrome has been nothing but a big ball of suck lately. It's not really working right for me anymore, sometimes I have to refresh the page more than three times in order for it to load -- it doesn't matter what website I'm on. Sometimes it will just crash on me or I'll end up with a light blue window where the web page should be. Firefox has been working great for me, so that's what I've been using the most, but I still miss Chrome. Maybe I just need to re-install it.
 
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