Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

[vj288]

Let us know if you remember! The answers are within, I suppose.

Oh I never created the conversation in my head, I just sort of got to that point of the day dream and then went [insert conversation] and then went on to the next part. The answer may be within still though, who knows :idontknow:

 

[Opaline]

Today there were some sparrows hopping around near my feet while I was on my lunch break. I threw them some bread from my sandwich and of course the three of them fought over it. It made me sad to see the other two go without, so I threw them another, which left one out still. I threw yet another and they all hopped away with little bits of subroll in their beaks. I know I'm anthropomorphizing, but they seemed so happy and as sappy as I can be, it was so sweet I could have cried :3

 

[Srijita52]

What the hell did I just do now???... Saw one of my former classmates who lives abroad online in messenger thought she was there atm and messaged her, apparently she's in the country now for her summer break , so she got my number and said that she's coming to my city and that she'd like to see me! Now I have to prepare myself for someone calling me out of the blue and seeing her after so many years... she's living fine independently in a foreign country, has developed a circle of cool friends there, got her masters and has a good job... we're just not in the same wavelength anymore. I don't know how I'm gonna handle this. I don't even have a job atm.

I hope you do have a good time with her.

 

[MollyBeGood]

Someone is really trying to get a rise out of me but I am not letting them and I feel zen-like in my self control. I cannot think of one nice thing to say to them so I am not saying anything at all, just like momma said.

 

[this_portrait]

Why do I ruin everything?

 

[Opaline]

Want to get out of my own head. It's kind of dark and lonely in here. The smallest things knock my confidence. How does one build and maintain lasting confidence? Why am I like this anyway? What's WRONG with me??? And how can I help others if I am a mess myself?

I just... I'm sorry for existing. It's nothing but a wasteful mess :sad: I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired. So so tired. Just fight myself day and night, night and day, dawn to dusk, Monday-Friday, 24/7 except when I'm sleeping. I confess it all here and cover it all up in the "real" world. I just want to be at peace with myself and others and not caught up in this bullshit.

I just don't get anything anymore. I don't know why I'm still trying. I don't see any point to it. It's always problems problems, fear, anger, hurt, bitterness, frustration. The good times come too but they're few and far between now. I feel sick every day. I just feel wrong. I shouldn't be here. I am a mistake.

I'll stop posting depressing shit now.

Edit: I'm embarrassed posting stuff like this and I contemplate going back and deleting it, but then... it reflects how I really do feel sometimes. I don't always feel this way. It just all builds up and I don't know how to handle it and I don't have a good support system. Feel free to ignore though obviously, I'm just venting. I'm embarrassed but I'm going to leave the posts here anyway >.>

 

[MikeyC]

Want to get out of my own head. It's kind of dark and lonely in here. The smallest things knock my confidence. How does one build and maintain lasting confidence? Why am I like this anyway? What's WRONG with me??? And how can I help others if I am a mess myself?

I just... I'm sorry for existing. It's nothing but a wasteful mess :sad: I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired. So so tired. Just fight myself day and night, night and day, dawn to dusk, Monday-Friday, 24/7 except when I'm sleeping. I confess it all here and cover it all up in the "real" world. I just want to be at peace with myself and others and not caught up in this bullshit.

I just don't get anything anymore. I don't know why I'm still trying. I don't see any point to it. It's always problems problems, fear, anger, hurt, bitterness, frustration. The good times come too but they're few and far between now. I feel sick every day. I just feel wrong. I shouldn't be here. I am a mistake.

I'll stop posting depressing shit now.

Edit: I'm embarrassed posting stuff like this and I contemplate going back and deleting it, but then... it reflects how I really do feel sometimes. I don't always feel this way. It just all builds up and I don't know how to handle it and I don't have a good support system. Feel free to ignore though obviously, I'm just venting. I'm embarrassed but I'm going to leave the posts here anyway >.>

What has bought this on? I'm sorry you feel this way and nothing I type will make any difference but you are a worthy person. I guess it's hard to see with fog in the way, but it's true.

You have posted positive things in the past - very positive, in fact - so it can happen for you. Perhaps you have some kind of defence mechanism in your mind that warns you when you're getting too content, too confident, too happy, and shuts it down. Just a guess, really.

 

[gazelle]

I hope you do have a good time with her.

Thanks Srijita! I'm kind of hoping she'll forget about it or that what she said might've just merely been a gesture of kindness and that she doesn't call, but still there's a possibility that she might get in touch, so I have to be prepared anyhow.

 

[hidwell]

Want to get out of my own head. It's kind of dark and lonely in here. The smallest things knock my confidence. How does one build and maintain lasting confidence? Why am I like this anyway? What's WRONG with me??? And how can I help others if I am a mess myself?

I just... I'm sorry for existing. It's nothing but a wasteful mess :sad: I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired. So so tired. Just fight myself day and night, night and day, dawn to dusk, Monday-Friday, 24/7 except when I'm sleeping. I confess it all here and cover it all up in the "real" world. I just want to be at peace with myself and others and not caught up in this bullshit.

I just don't get anything anymore. I don't know why I'm still trying. I don't see any point to it. It's always problems problems, fear, anger, hurt, bitterness, frustration. The good times come too but they're few and far between now. I feel sick every day. I just feel wrong. I shouldn't be here. I am a mistake.

I'll stop posting depressing shit now.

Edit: I'm embarrassed posting stuff like this and I contemplate going back and deleting it, but then... it reflects how I really do feel sometimes. I don't always feel this way. It just all builds up and I don't know how to handle it and I don't have a good support system. Feel free to ignore though obviously, I'm just venting. I'm embarrassed but I'm going to leave the posts here anyway >.>

I could never be so open as you are about my life, and I kind of admire that.:thumbup: I think for many of us life is a struggle from the time we are born gasping for air until the time we reach our end. We can only do our best and make our life as bearable as we can.

 

[this_portrait]

My stomach feels like it would fall out if it weren't already in place right now. I'm up over an hour before I need to be, I'm still upset from last night, and now the consequences of it are making me more nervous than the job interview I have today. Granted, I don't really get that nervous at interviews much anymore (gotten used to them, I guess).

I'm going to be sending an apology message before I head out the door. Got it drafted and everything. However, I'm still upset (and I even mention this in my apology). It's one of those situations where I'm deeply sorry for overreacting, but yet I still feel upset and will continue to be so unless the person in question takes action and doesn't just offer reassuring words, because talk, I have found, is cheap, especially when there is no action to back it up.

If anything, my job interview will be a distraction from a problem that impacts me more emotionally.

 

[neardeath]

My stomach feels like it would fall out if it weren't already in place right now. I'm up over an hour before I need to be, I'm still upset from last night, and now the consequences of it are making me more nervous than the job interview I have today. Granted, I don't really get that nervous at interviews much anymore (gotten used to them, I guess).

I'm going to be sending an apology message before I head out the door. Got it drafted and everything. However, I'm still upset (and I even mention this in my apology). It's one of those situations where I'm deeply sorry for overreacting, but yet I still feel upset and will continue to be so unless the person in question takes action and doesn't just offer reassuring words, because talk, I have found, is cheap, especially when there is no action to back it up.

If anything, my job interview will be a distraction from a problem that impacts me more emotionally.

Good luck with the interview, and I hope things work out with the apology. Watch out for expectations.

 

[vj288]

There's this apartment I found on craigslist that I really like, and is a good price with all utilities included, but in the description it leaves a phone number to call. I want to call but I don't know what I'm supposed to say and I hate that something like this could just prevent me from looking into this opportunity just because it involves a new social situation I'm not used to. I should be able to call, I just have no freaking idea what to say on the phone, at all. From the small talk, to the apartment part of the conversation, and the overall point of the conversation. I'm I calling to make an appointment to look at it, to ask questions about the apartment, something else completely? Ugh and what if I get the answering machine, then what do I say.

I hate this.

 

[coyote]

There's this apartment I found on craigslist that I really like, and is a good price with all utilities included, but in the description it leaves a phone number to call. I want to call but I don't know what I'm supposed to say and I hate that something like this could just prevent me from looking into this opportunity just because it involves a new social situation I'm not used to. I should be able to call, I just have no freaking idea what to say on the phone, at all. From the small talk, to the apartment part of the conversation, and the overall point of the conversation. I'm I calling to make an appointment to look at it, to ask questions about the apartment, something else completely? Ugh and what if I get the answering machine, then what do I say.

I hate this.

"hi, i'm calling about the apartment listing. is it still available?"

"can you tell me more about it?"

"can i come look at it?"

come up with a list of questions you need answered. just stick to that.

 

[Phoenixx]

Why does Mod Podge smell like sunscreen?

 

[this_portrait]

Interview went well. It's been almost 4 hours since I sent out my apology and I still haven't gotten a response. I don't know if I will. I may have f**ked things up for good.

 

[coyote]

Why does Mod Podge smell like sunscreen?

fortunately, it tastes much better

 

[Ithior]

Finally on vacations. Not sure if I finished my bachelor's but I think so. Might have to repeat an exam to increase a grade so that my average reaches a certain number (I'm exactly on the border between a 15 or 16 final average), but that will depend on the results of my last two exams. I guess I'm on vacation until those grades are released.

If I don't pass one of the exams (one was really shitty, the teachers were a**-holes), I'll have to retake it. If I pass the exams but my average doesn't reach 15,5, I'll choose another exam that I'm comfortable with and try to improve that grade.

 

[neardeath]

Finally on vacations. Not sure if I finished my bachelor's but I think so. Might have to repeat an exam to increase a grade so that my average reaches a certain number (I'm exactly on the border between a 15 or 16 final average), but that will depend on the results of my last two exams. I guess I'm on vacation until those grades are released.

If I don't pass one of the exams (one was really shitty, the teachers were a**-holes), I'll have to retake it. If I pass the exams but my average doesn't reach 15,5, I'll choose another exam that I'm comfortable with and try to improve that grade.

Good work! Congrats on your achievement.

 

[neardeath]

Interview went well. It's been almost 4 hours since I sent out my apology and I still haven't gotten a response. I don't know if I will. I may have f**ked things up for good.

Well, at least you took the risks and did the right thing.

 

[BlackPuma]

I really wish people would stop fornicating in the god damn shower. It's separated from the kitchen by JUST a curtain.. Show some decency. :/