online dating

[Pookah]

Of course she doesn't know this. Of course she wouldn't be cool with having me use her.

I'm going to do what those other women did to me and lie and not tell her these things, probably. Very hyprocritical, yes, I know.

I think it's better than telling her I think she's overweight, though, you know? That would be even worse.

Its not just hypocritical. What you are doing is being a horrible person. That is the long and short of it. I'm surprised you think its ok to be happy at the expense of another person. Good luck with that, try not to hurt her too much. Because you are going to hurt her.

You realize you don't deserve a "better woman" you don't even deserve the woman you are with.

 

[MrJones]

OceanMist, I can't even believe what you posted o.0

Maybe you should treat women differently? I don't think any human being deserves to be treated like that.

I don't really know what to say, but just that I find the way you are acting to be extremely horrible.

 

[MikeyC]

OceanMist, I understand that the only way to be more confident around girls, dating, and sex, is to keep practicing. I get that. Same thing with girls practicing with men. We all have to start somewhere.

However, this girl you're "practicing" with is under the belief that you guys have a really strong relationship and she has told you that she loves you and thinks you're an awesome guy, etc., so isn't that making you feel guilty that you're using her? Eventually she will find out and it's not going to end pretty for anyone.

You will break her heart, no two ways about it.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Of course she doesn't know this. Of course she wouldn't be cool with having me use her.

I'm going to do what those other women did to me and lie and not tell her these things, probably. Very hyprocritical, yes, I know.

I think it's better than telling her I think she's overweight, though, you know? That would be even worse.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Simple.

Don't fall into the crowd of users/abusers of people. This woman did not cause your pain. Why lie to this one? Naive.

You are well on your way to furthering the lowly labels men have from a great many women.

Overweight, look past that. You've met a really really fantastic person. She has given you patients. Set aside physicality and get to know HER. You might like her more than you realize more than just a tool.

 

[Iluv]

I have a picture for every thing! I think this is true.

 

[twiggle]

Its not just hypocritical. What you are doing is being a horrible person. That is the long and short of it. I'm surprised you think its ok to be happy at the expense of another person. Good luck with that, try not to hurt her too much. Because you are going to hurt her.

You realize you don't deserve a "better woman" you don't even deserve the woman you are with.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

I'm glad you're happy OM but quite frankly I can't believe some of the things you're saying. You think it's fair because of how women have treated you in the past?! When most people get treated bad, they see it as all the more reason to change their own ways and make sure they don't hurt others in the same way they've been hurt.

How would you feel if you really liked a girl and thought she was the best girl you'd ever met, and then later you found out she'd been posting on a website about you, saying how she thought you were ugly but were a good stepping stone. How would you feel knowing that people all over the world were reading this?

In all honesty I think you've got yourself a lot more than you deserve. I really hope you don't end up falling flat on your face with this one. I don't think anyone here hates you, it's more disbelief that after all the things you've complained about, you're treating this girl in the same way.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Um... she probably knows she's what people would deem as 'overweight'. She's probably even insecure about herself because of it and looking for someone who will accept her for who she is.

You can lose weight and not be fat anymore.
You can't fix a bad personality so easily.

 

[sullyS25]

OceanMist I also recall getting into a heated discussion with you about how this disorder can have its roots in being very selfish to which you exclaimed with a passion that you were not selfish at all...in fact you claimed to be the opposite and accused me of insulting you. If using a girl for sex as a stepping stone to eventually get another girl is not the epitome of being selfish than I don't know what is. You are consciously using this girl as a means to an end to improve your situation and you are bragging about how much sex you are having with her to inflate your ego even more.

 

[coyote]

let's everyone remain civil and avoid any name-calling or personal attacks against other members, ok?

 

[Tino]

 

[OceanMist]

OceanMist, I understand that the only way to be more confident around girls, dating, and sex, is to keep practicing. I get that. Same thing with girls practicing with men. We all have to start somewhere.

However, this girl you're "practicing" with is under the belief that you guys have a really strong relationship and she has told you that she loves you and thinks you're an awesome guy, etc., so isn't that making you feel guilty that you're using her? Eventually she will find out and it's not going to end pretty for anyone.

You will break her heart, no two ways about it.

Hmm, actually last night she told me she didn't love me.

The way I see it, most people get their heart broken eventually anyway in most relationships, and most relationships end. I actually don't even call what me and her have a relationship, tbh. We've only seen eachother two times.

I don't know if I wrote this before, but the first night we saw eachother I made it abundantly clear that our dates could end very easily. I specifically told her to not love me, to not call every day and I even said, "You may not like me very much if I reject you later on, which is a possiblity."

I made it pretty darn clear that a relationship is definitely may not be a possiblity and to quote me, I told her, "I don't want commitment."

She chose to let this go farther after I warned her that I am very flaky with the whole idea of a relationship. I even told her that I am terrified of commitment.

The point is, she was definitely warned about this. It seems she's not letting it bother her, so as far as I'm concerned, that's her problem if she puts too much faith in me. She got my warning speech on the first date, and that speech was pretty long.

 

[Kiwong]

Jeez, my fear of being with a woman is getting hurt myself, or hurting them. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone, because I know the damage that can do.

If you use people, or hurt other people, karma will come up and bite you on the bum.

 

[Tino]

Hmm, actually last night she told me she didn't love me.

The way I see it, most people get their heart broken eventually anyway in most relationships, and most relationships end. I actually don't even call what me and her have a relationship, tbh. We've only seen eachother two times.

I don't know if I wrote this before, but the first night we saw eachother I made it abundantly clear that our dates could end very easily. I specifically told her to not love me, to not call every day and I even said, "You may not like me very much if I reject you later on, which is a possiblity."

I made it pretty darn clear that a relationship is definitely may not be a possiblity and to quote me, I told her, "I don't want commitment."

She chose to let this go farther after I warned her that I am very flaky with the whole idea of a relationship. I even told her that I am terrified of commitment.

The point is, she was definitely warned about this. It seems she's not letting it bother her, so as far as I'm concerned, that's her problem if she puts too much faith in me. She got my warning speech on the first date, and that speech was pretty long.

This filly sounds desperate.

 

[OceanMist]

OceanMist I also recall getting into a heated discussion with you about how this disorder can have its roots in being very selfish to which you exclaimed with a passion that you were not selfish at all...in fact you claimed to be the opposite and accused me of insulting you. If using a girl for sex as a stepping stone to eventually get another girl is not the epitome of being selfish than I don't know what is. You are consciously using this girl as a means to an end to improve your situation and you are bragging about how much sex you are having with her to inflate your ego even more.

I wasn't bragging about having "so much sex." Besides, I only had sex with her this morning and that was the only day we had sex.

This is a support forum for SA people, and people should be posting their positive achievements and if they ever feel good about something, they should post about it. It makes people feel good to let others know that they are succeeding in areas and good to get that off our chest. Having sex with her was something that made me feel good so I felt like posting that.

It's no different than posting about how someone found a good friend and connected with that friend as far as I'm concerned. If I found a friend and connected with them and posted that you wouldn't have mentioned that I was bragging at all. It seems talking about sex is seen by you as bragging, which it's not.

As for me being selfish, maybe I am selfish. All I know is that I'm feeling good about myself and things are going well. I do genuinely like this woman as a person and it's not like I'm cheating on her with other women and I'm not beating her. I'm not even really lying to her. It's not like I told her that I love her or something.

On our first date, I made it very clear that I probably don't want commitment. After I did that, it's on her where she wanted to go from there. It seems she wants to continue seeing me considering she keeps calling me. It's not like I'm forcing her to see me.

What's interesting is that I seem to remember us having a conversation about not expecting women to be commited to me on the first few dates. I remember you taking the side of the women saying they that they had a right to even date other guys and not show any kind of commitment at all to the guy.

 

[MikeyC]

The point is, she was definitely warned about this. It seems she's not letting it bother her, so as far as I'm concerned, that's her problem if she puts too much faith in me. She got my warning speech on the first date, and that speech was pretty long.

Why didn't you mention this earlier? Could've saved a lot of vitriol. I still am unsure of the whole situation now....

Jeez, my fear of being with a woman is getting hurt myself, or hurting them. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone, because I know the damage that can do.

I hurt my ex-girlfriend and I was beating myself up over it. Ironically the best news was that I found out she got another boyfriend because it showed I didn't ruin her soul completely. Nobody wants to get hurt.

 

[sullyS25]

What's interesting is that I seem to remember us having a conversation about not expecting women to be commited to me on the first few dates. I remember you taking the side of the women saying they that they had a right to even date other guys and not show any kind of commitment at all to the guy.

I did take the side of the women and I still do. I am pointing out your hypocrisy as well. You hated when women did that to you and you are doing something worse to someone else. You held them to a certain standard and fail to maintain it yourself. Women aren't allowed to date other guys after going on a few dates with you yet you can use a woman for sex and view them as a stepping stone or a sex object. Talk about a double standard.

 

[OceanMist]

Why didn't you mention this earlier? Could've saved a lot of vitriol.

You're right, I should have told everyone about that. I guess I just wasn't thinking about that.

I apologize for that.

 

[OceanMist]

I did take the side of the women and I still do. I am pointing out your hypocrisy as well. You hated when women did that to you and you are doing something worse to someone else. You held them to a certain standard and fail to maintain it yourself. Women aren't allowed to date other guys after going on a few dates with you yet you can use a woman for sex and view them as a stepping stone or a sex object. Talk about a double standard.

I also told the woman that I was just with that, "You can date other guys."

I disagree with my argument from before. After doing research on this topic, I now see that many men and women "serial date" if they are not commited to one person. I believe I discussed this earlier in this thread?

I am not saying I'm not a hypocrite, because I am a hypocrite. I am not denying that.

I don't quite understand your argument here, though. You say it's okay for women to date multiple men at a time, yet I can't go out with a single woman to give myself more confidence?

Btw, not sure where you got that I'm using her just for sex? I am going on dates with her to enjoy her company socially and sexually. In fact, the social connection is more important to me. I like having someone to talk to.

 

[Pookah]

I think the problem everyone is having is the dishonesty. Maybe she thinks she can help you with your anxiety and to commit. (Some ppl think they can fix others.) But she would stop seeing you if she knew what you really thought of her.

SA has a lot to do with worrying how people see us. Can you imagine being with a woman you were into and found out she thought a bunch of hurtful things about you?

I also told the woman that I was just with that, "You can date other guys."

I disagree with my argument from before. After doing research on this topic, I now see that many men and women "serial date" if they are not commited to one person. I believe I discussed this earlier in this thread?

I am not saying I'm not a hypocrite, because I am a hypocrite. I am not denying that.

I don't quite understand your argument here, though. You say it's okay for women to date multiple men at a time, yet I can't go out with a single woman to give myself more confidence?

Btw, not sure where you got that I'm using her just for sex? I am going on dates with her to enjoy her company socially and sexually. In fact, the social connection is more important to me. I like having someone to talk to.

 

[sullyS25]

I don't quite understand your argument here, though. You say it's okay for women to date multiple men at a time, yet I can't go out with a single woman to give myself more confidence?

Btw, not sure where you got that I'm using her just for sex? I am going on dates with her to enjoy her company socially and sexually. In fact, the social connection is more important to me. I like having someone to talk to.

Referring to a woman as a stepping stone until you find a better women qualifies as using them for sex in my book. Making it clear that you may date other people while you are seeing her seems fine as well. I dont see anything wrong with dating someone to help your confidence either. The language you use puts off the vibe that you are using her and she is only good for one thing. That is how it came off to me. I think that is completely different than girls dating other guys while dating you to see what is out there.

That being said I also recognize that women aren't saints either and can be manipulative and self-seeking. The way you worded your experiences with this chick make it seem like she is there for you to exploit and throw away as you see fit. That is shady. I am sure that is not how you see things but from the first few things I read, it certainly came of that way.