Mind of Malice

[MaliceInWickedland]

Well, better Catholic than I am. I haven't gone to church in 3 years. Actually I really don't follow my religion that much anymore... Guess you can say I'm pretty lost with it all, but that's a whole different story that I won't share here.

As for that lady, yeah you get thick people like that. Go to a fast food place and then complain about the food. I mean, really what are you expecting? Five star gourmet? Lean cuisine? No, just no. I feel bad for the server who had to go through all that.

A Tommy Chong "horror" movie? Ha! Just had to look it up. Apparently it's not too old, from 2006. And it got a 3.7/10 rating on IMDB. XD Evil Bong (2006) - IMDb

Oh no, believe me, I am one of the absolute worst Catholics out there. I pretty much broke every Commandment besides the ones about murder, adultery, and polygamy. I don't blame you either to be honest. There's just too much restraint and I see no point in trying to enjoy life if almost everything you do is wrong in some way according you your religion.

Pfft seriously... she must have been anorexic. She sure looked like it.

Yepp. I can easily see where the 3.7 came from. That movie was just... O__o

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Well what's the point of him keeping his balls and being a horny and hyper Chihuahua for the rest of his life if he's never gonna use them? I sure as hell am not gonna be pimping him out to any bitches, so sorry Gizmo but it's for your own good. And no offense Deadman but if you were my dog I would have you neutered right away ::

Interesting. But yeah, I'm the worst Catholic out there. 'nuff said. And it's not just because I skip out on church. It was hard to tune that lady out. Her argument was just ridiculous. Seriously, it's a freaking Fuddrucker's, not P.F. Chang's or something along those lines.

I've never touched a joint, let alone a bong, but that movie gave me more initiative to avoid ever going near one xD

! You would really consider doing that to me?! What did I ever do to you to deserve that? All I've done is admit to you my feelings. Doth thou despise me that much?

No, you aren't the worst Catholic. At least you're not being sacrilegious.

And you've got a good head on your shoulders. Please try to stay away from drugs.

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

! You would really consider doing that to me?! What did I ever do to you to deserve that? All I've done is admit to you my feelings. Doth thou despise me that much?

No, you aren't the worst Catholic. At least you're not being sacrilegious.

And you've got a good head on your shoulders. Please try to stay away from drugs.

Hehe maybe~ if you keep up the skirt-chasing then yes, I will magically turn you into a dog and have you neutered so that you stop having feelings for me ::

Pfft. My existence is sacrilegious xD

Will do. I have a few friends who do drugs and seeing what it's done to them is even more initiative to steer clear of that lifestyle.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Hehe maybe~ if you keep up the skirt-chasing then yes, I will magically turn you into a dog and have you neutered so that you stop having feelings for me ::

Pfft. My existence is sacrilegious xD

Will do. I have a few friends who do drugs and seeing what it's done to them is even more initiative to steer clear of that lifestyle.

So I should devote myself completely to you? Alright, sounds good to me. As long as you're with me, I don't need anyone else.

Again, no more sacrilegious than mine. I'm going to get you to think more positively about yourself if I have to put everything on the line to do it!

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

So I should devote myself completely to you? Alright, sounds good to me. As long as you're with me, I don't need anyone else.

Again, no more sacrilegious than mine. I'm going to get you to think more positively about yourself if I have to put everything on the line to do it!

*Facepalm* You weren't kidding when you said that nothing deters you -__-

Best of luck to you on that one my friend.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

Again, I'm glad to be your friend and all, but, one day, I might want to be something more. And thanks for the prayer of success; I'll use it wisely!

Hey Malice, how many times have I flirted with you?

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

Again, I'm glad to be your friend and all, but, one day, I might want to be something more. And thanks for the prayer of success; I'll use it wisely!

Hey Malice, how many times have I flirted with you?

I don't know... I've lost count ::

 

[MikeyC]

So from there we went to get our grub on at Fuddrucker's. Funny name right? Even funnier was how this really b****y lady started arguing quite viciously with a server about the fat and nutritional content of her burger.

Seriously…? You're gonna eat at a burger place and complain about fat and calories?? What femmeballs of epic proportion you have, lady. I mean Good Lord, that's like going to an ice cream parlor to complain that everything has dairy in it. It’s a frickin burger for the love of a furry umbrella-carrying kangaroo’s sake!

What's even more amazing is that she could have easily gone with a chicken sandwich instead. If a burger is such a hassle for you then why not go for the healthier alternative of chicken? Or wait, don't tell me: you were attacked by chickens when you were younger and you're afraid you'll have nightmares for the rest of your miserable life about a band of savage AIDS-ridden chickens raping you, pecking your eyes out, and eating you alive for eating that sandwich?

Cheezus Crust man. It doesn't hurt to indulge in one of life's simple pleasures every once in a while y'know. That server should have stuck that burger up that lady's ass to replace her head. Make her s*** Sloppy Joe's for a living. At least that's what I would have done if I were in his shoes. Better yet, I just felt like turning around and b**** whipping the prude with a bladed Cat o’ Nine Tails while shouting “Pull your head out of your ridiculously skinny little ass and just eat the mother fuddrucking burger, b****!”. Damn...

Whew… Sorry for that crazy rant on burgers and evil chickens. People like that lady just fry my butt off.

I may be feeling a little miserable right now, but this was most amusing. You did well explaining how a burger complaint turned into WW3 at Fuddruckers. Nice writing!

I've never touched a joint, let alone a bong, but that movie gave me more initiative to avoid ever going near one xD

Because if you smoke bongs, weird heads appear in the tube to kill you!

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

^ Hehe~ I'm glad to hear that my nonsense amuses you Mikey
But seriously, that lady had quite some femmeballs to eat at a burger place and complain about the nutritional content of her food. Okay well, I already ranted enough about that so I'll just shut my trap now.

Speaking of balls, Gizmo's back home today after his surgery. Poor little guy is still all lurpy from the pain medication. I couldn't help but laugh though when I went to get him out of my mom's car and saw him with that e-collar around his neck. I just had to take a picture of it:

*snort giggle snort* Isn't he just adorkable?

I also just got a weird text from somebody I don't even know. It says "You f****** liar! There wasn't any damn party last night at Carlos'! We all got drunk for nothing!"

...Oooooookay then. First of all, I don't have a damn clue who you or Carlos is. Second of all, why the hell would you get drunk and stuff without being sure about whether or not there was going to be a party? Why get drunk in the first place??? That s*** aint fun! *Sigh* Where's the sense in the world? I've only been awake for an hour and a half and my day is already getting weird e.e

Let's see what other randomness befalls me today.

 

[Phoenixx]

Awww, Gizmo's so cute! :: Wait... Is that dog toy Lamb Chop? That stuffed animal always creeped me out. Has to be the oversized eyelashes. I used to have one... I wonder if it's up in the attic with the rest of my old toys?

Hey, at least your random text was much funnier than the one I got over the weekend.

 

[Pyrophosphate]

I also just got a weird text from somebody I don't even know. It says "You f****** liar! There wasn't any damn party last night at Carlos'! We all got drunk for nothing!"

...Oooooookay then. First of all, I don't have a damn clue who you or Carlos is. Second of all, why the hell would you get drunk and stuff without being sure about whether or not there was going to be a party? Why get drunk in the first place??? That s*** aint fun! *Sigh* Where's the sense in the world? I've only been awake for an hour and a half and my day is already getting weird e.e

I got one a couple years ago that said "thanks for taking care of my drunk ass last friday."

There seems to be a trend of getting drunk and sending texts to the wrong number...

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

I got one a couple years ago that said "thanks for taking care of my drunk ass last friday."

There seems to be a trend of getting drunk and sending texts to the wrong number...

It would seem so

Awww, Gizmo's so cute! :: Wait... Is that dog toy Lamb Chop? That stuffed animal always creeped me out. Has to be the oversized eyelashes. I used to have one... I wonder if it's up in the attic with the rest of my old toys?

Hey, at least your random text was much funnier than the one I got over the weekend.

Hehe, indeed he is
Yes ma'am xD Lamb Chop was my favorite toy as a baby so my mom wanted to get one for Gizmo. I can see what you mean though. Those oversized eyelashes are quite creepy

Oh? What did that text say, if you don't mind my asking?

 

[Phoenixx]

Hehe, indeed he is
Yes ma'am xD Lamb Chop was my favorite toy as a baby so my mom wanted to get one for Gizmo. I can see what you mean though. Those oversized eyelashes are quite creepy

Oh? What did that text say, if you don't mind my asking?

^ Haha, how cute!

My text was from a random guy in one of my classes that apparently knows my name and decided to... compliment me. I have no idea who he is or how he even got my number. He told me his first name, but after asking what class of mine he was in, he cut the conversation short and hasn't text me since. Oh, and that was Saturday night.

 

[MikeyC]

*snort giggle snort* Isn't he just adorkable?

Yes, he is, actually. Poor guy had to go through a neutering, though.

I also just got a weird text from somebody I don't even know. It says "You f****** liar! There wasn't any damn party last night at Carlos'! We all got drunk for nothing!"

...Oooooookay then. First of all, I don't have a damn clue who you or Carlos is. Second of all, why the hell would you get drunk and stuff without being sure about whether or not there was going to be a party? Why get drunk in the first place??? That s*** aint fun! *Sigh* Where's the sense in the world? I've only been awake for an hour and a half and my day is already getting weird e.e

Sounds like they were pre-drinking, then going to Carlos' house, only to realise there was no party there. I guess pre-drinks turned into during-drinks, as well.

I don't mind getting drunk sometimes, but nowhere near the amount of times I used to. I am keen to be designated driver these days.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Gizmo is way cute!

I got a series of texts when I lived in the city that went something like this:

text: where are you?

me: I'm here.

text: where? Amanda is literally freakinjg out right now!

me: (my sister's name is amanda) I didn't say I would hang out... I'm at home.

text: the beer store is closing soon - are you picking up the tequilla and condoms?

me: (realizing I have no idea who the hell is texting me) I'll make sure to bring the rope, tarp and shovel, too.

text: for what?

me: I'm watching you.



And the texts stopped. woo! Go me!
Freaking people out is funtimez.

 

[Phoenixx]

I got a series of texts when I lived in the city that went something like this:

text: where are you?

me: I'm here.

text: where? Amanda is literally freakinjg out right now!

me: (my sister's name is amanda) I didn't say I would hang out... I'm at home.

text: the beer store is closing soon - are you picking up the tequilla and condoms?

me: (realizing I have no idea who the hell is texting me) I'll make sure to bring the rope, tarp and shovel, too.

text: for what?

me: I'm watching you.



And the texts stopped. woo! Go me!
Freaking people out is funtimez.

^ LOL XD

I've never gotten any drunk texts or any texts like that before. The fun I could have replying to those... ::

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

Gizmo is way cute!

I got a series of texts when I lived in the city that went something like this:

text: where are you?

me: I'm here.

text: where? Amanda is literally freakinjg out right now!

me: (my sister's name is amanda) I didn't say I would hang out... I'm at home.

text: the beer store is closing soon - are you picking up the tequilla and condoms?

me: (realizing I have no idea who the hell is texting me) I'll make sure to bring the rope, tarp and shovel, too.

text: for what?

me: I'm watching you.



And the texts stopped. woo! Go me!
Freaking people out is funtimez.

BWAHAHAHA that's great xD
I'm trying to think up of a funny reply. Maybe you can help?

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

I haven’t been this angry for quite a while. Seriously, I could curb stomp a freaking baby right now with all this rage coursing through my veins.

My mom, as great as a mother she is, can be a real f****** inconsiderate and insufferably hard-headed jackass. Take today as a prime example:

I woke up this morning with a bloody and extremely swollen nose. How did this happen? I ate major crap going up the stairs yesterday and I faceplanted right onto the edge of a step.

My nose was pretty swollen when it happened yesterday, but not as bad as earlier this morning. My mom got all hysterical when she saw me. I literally had to grab her by the shoulders and tell her to calm her tits. She didn’t calm down one bit though.

She drove like a maniac to the doctor’s office. It’s a miracle we didn’t get stopped by a cop. Her reckless driving was all in vain too, because the office was packed to the core with patients. That really set her off and she raised hell with the receptionist to get the doctor to see me right away.

It was social phobic hell. All eyes were on us, especially me with my horrifically engorged nose. I almost had a panic attack and went off on my mom, arguing that it was just a swelled up nose and that my life wasn’t in danger. I was all pale, shaky, and sweaty from the overwhelming anxiety and that forced the receptionist to take me into one of the rooms in the back to lay down.

I was so shaken up and outraged that I told my mom to leave the room because I didn’t want to speak to her, let alone look at her and be in her presence. I was about ready to pop one right in her jaw… She took the day off from work and we’ve both been locked up in our rooms for about 3 hours since we got home from the doctor’s.

I’m just so f****** angry and humiliated right now. As if it wasn’t bad enough walking in there with my nose looking like this, she had to f****** go and shine the spotlight on me even brighter and make a big deal out of my nose like someone stuck a bomb in there or something. F*** me to tears!

*Inhales deeply* Well.. on a lighter note, my nose isn’t broken. Thank the Lord. I’ll just have to deal with looking like Cyrano de Bergerac for a few days.

Hopefully it looks much better by Thursday for Thanksgiving. We’re going over to my aunt’s house to celebrate and I really don’t want to look like this, knowing my cousins are gonna bag on me for it.

So yeah… here’s to a hopefully better day.

 

[Phoenixx]

Yikes! That's stressful. :: Sorry to hear, Malice. I know what it feels like to have a mother go all hysterical in public while people watch. Oh, I know that feeling all too well. Get my mom pissed and she's bound to say whatever she wants as loud as she wants. It's embarrassing.

As for your nose, maybe icing it will help the swelling?

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

aw... poor malice.

My broken nose and face stayed swollen for 3 weeks - which was too long.
haha
So, I'd think your swelling should go down within a few days so long as you take care of yourself, woman!